By Jon Fucile
That pompous, arrogant, egotistical idiot Lebron James is at it again. He took a break from not winning championships and bailing on his old team to run to a place where he thought he could win without working and decided to start a cartoon about his favorite subject....himself.
The show even opens with a super awesome rap song that definitely isn't boastful or self absorbed. Nope, not one bit.
Basically Lebron just wanted to teach kids some lessons. Hard work is for suckers. Holding hour long specials on ESPN just to stroke your ego before you pick a team is really cool. Throwing everyone but yourself under the bus when things don't go your way is okay too. You know, valuable life lessons that every kid should know.
Basically The Lebrons shows four different versions of Lebron that teach you life lessons you can't learn anywhere else. This week The Lebrons teach you that "two wrongs don't make a right."
Apparently a pit bull is causing some trouble so The Lebrons buy a lion to kill the pitbull.
But in the end they decide that killing the pitbull just isn't right and that is when we learn that two wrongs don't make a right. Heart warming. Now we regret all those times we bought lions from our local pet stores to take care of those pesky neighborhood pitbulls.
Really the whole episode is just chock full of life lessons. Even the intro. Just look at all the lessons you learn just from the character introductions.
Kid Lebron teaches us that even if it is warm outside you should still wear a hooded sweatshirt and vest. Remember kids, always keep warm. You think your mom is just nagging you but you never know when an Antarctic cold front will move in.
Also be sure to always wear a hat, backpack and headphones when you're bursting into everyone's room in your house. Remember what Kid Lebron does....never ever knock before you enter a room.
Athlete Lebron teaches us that as long as you get a bunch of dumbass tats that make no sense and win a bunch of middle school basketball trophies you can live at home with your parents forever!
Look at Athlete Lebron sitting in his room lifting weights like some creepy high school virgin who thinks pumping up his arms will get him a prom date that isn't his sister. Put down the dumbbell, get a job and move out of your parents house. You're a bum Athlete Lebron.
Business Lebron teaches us to be really, really full of ourselves and hire a local barber to come to our house to cut what appears to be a beret on our heads just to show we have money. Also, always wear sunglasses indoors so people can't see the look of selfishness and NBA failure in your eyes.
Business Lebron might just suck the most.
Wise Lebron teaches us to practice safe shaving and wear a hat while Kid Lebron teaches us it is okay to kick open a bathroom door and try to scare old people in their underwear and steal their aftershave. Seriously. What if Wise Lebron was pooping.
What a jerk this Kid Lebron is. No respect. Seems more and more like real life Lebron. Though there certainly isn't a real life Wise Lebron and this show proves it.
On the plus side for Lebron James...he now has more stupid cartoon series about himself than the Red Sox have wins. Yup, totally went there.