Wakeup Call: Bin Laden SEAL team inspired the Tide

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Wakeup Call: Bin Laden SEAL team inspired the Tide

Here's your wakeup call -- a combination of newsworthy andor interesting tidbits -- for Monday, November 5:

BASEBALL
Two ex-Red Sox executives (Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer) tried and failed to acquire Dan Haren late last week. And that may have opened the door for another ex-Sox exec (Josh Byrnes) to bring Haren to San Diego. (NBC's Hardball Talk)

That positive test for testosterone didn't sour the A's on Bartolo Colon. (AP)

Dominican police arrest three suspects in the murder of former MLB pitcher Pascual Perez. (AP)

COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Giving up 51 points Saturday night didn't prevent Oregon from moving past Notre Dame and into No. 3 in the BCS standings. (AP)

Not that it matters much to the Irish. (CSN Chicago)

LSU was Osama bin Laden to Alabama's SEAL Team Six on Saturday night. At least that's how Nick Saban saw it. (AP)

Joker Phillips has affably played the role of dead man walking for weeks now, and a 40-0 pounding at the hands of Vanderbilt -- at home no less, in what was Kentucky's worst loss to the Commodores in 96 years -- sealed his fate. (AP)

GOLF
A 14-year-old at the Masters? And from China, to boot? First women and now this, eh, Hootie? (AP)

Ian Poulter rallies to win the HSBC Champions a year too early . . . (AP)

. . . because next season, this will be an official PGA Tour event. (AP)

Your seniors champion for 2012: Tom Lehman. (AP)

HOCKEY
So that's why we haven't seen Manny Malhotra and friends at Five Guys! (NBC's Pro Hockey Talk)

PRO BASKETBALL
Well, I guess it was too much to hope that the Lakers would go 0-for-2012-13. (AP)

But every silver lining has its dark cloud in LaLa Land these days: Steve Nash could be out for four weeks because of a non-displaced fracture in his left leg. (NBC's Pro Basketball Talk)

Not for nothing (as they say in my neck of the woods), but the Knicks look pretty good coming out of the gate. (AP)

PRO FOOTBALL
They're stirring uncomfortably in the old folks' homes of Miami: The Falcons are 8-0 after their 19-13 win over the Cowboys. (AP)

Ben Roethlisberger hopes Sunday's game enabled the storm-ravaged people of New Jersey "to take their minds off their problems just a little." But I don't know that a Steelers' come-from-behind win over the Giants made them feel any better. (AP)

On a weekend of strange coaching decisions -- hello there, Les Miles (AP) -- the Browns' Pat Shurmur made the strangest one of all in Cleveland's loss to the Ravens. (CSN Baltimore)

Remember when the Cardinals were the talk of the NFL? Yeah, me neither. (AP)

This Andrew Luck guy is pretty good. Better yet, Chuck Pagano was there in person to see it. (AP)

Luck's predecessor, Peyton Manning, is pretty good, too. (AP)

Hope you had Doug Martin in your fantasy league. (AP)

Yes, his new team (the Bills) lost to his old one (the Texans), but Mario Williams walked away from his return to Houston smiling because he was booed every time he made a play. (AP) "I know I'm in your heart," he explained. "That's the most important thing." Funny, I thought winning the game (youtube.com) was the most important thing, but that's just me. And Herm.

Roasted: Ortiz apparently thought Pedroia's real first name was Pee Wee

Roasted: Ortiz apparently thought Pedroia's real first name was Pee Wee

BOSTON — It took until 2015, apparently, but David Ortiz now knows Dustin Pedroia’s full name.

The couple days leading up to the jersey retirement ceremony tonight for Ortiz have been packed. Around lunch time Thursday, Ortiz had a street near Fenway Park named after him — a bridge wasn’t enough — the street formerly known as Yawkey Way Extension. (It’s between Brookline Avenue and Yawkey Station.) On Friday morning, he was at Logan Airport where JetBlue Gate C34 was designed with a new theme to honor Ortiz.

MORE ORTIZ:

Tonight's the big night, so to speak. But Thursday night will probably go down as the most entertaining.

Ortiz was roasted at House of Blues on Thursday, joined on stage by Pedroia, Rob Gronkowski and a handful of actual comedians. Bill Burr was the biggest name among the professional joke-tellers. It was a charity event to benefit the David Ortiz Children’s Fund, which helps to provide lifesaving surgeries for children.

All the comedians — Lenny Clarke, Sarah Tiana, Anthony Mackie, Josh Wolf, Adam Ray (a young man dressed up as an old Yankees fan) — ripped on everyone on stage, including Pedroia. Naturally, Pedroia was mocked for being short over and over and over.

When he took the podium, Pedroia said it was a good thing the height of the microphone was adjustable. If he had to stand on his wallet, he said, he’d be up to the roof.

Most jokes were not suitable for print or broadcast. But the story Pedroia told about being in the on-deck circle when a catcher needed a ball once was a highlight. It's from just two years ago.

“So I had already played with David for, I don’t know, nine years?” Pedroia said. “And I hit right in front of him for nine years.”

The Red Sox were playing the Indians at home. The umpire had to use the bathroom and the ball rolled near Pedroia. So the catcher said hello to Pedroia, using the second baseman’s first name.

“David walks over and goes, what the [expletive] did he call you?” Pedroia said.

“I said, ‘Dustin,’” Pedroia said. 

Ortiz was confused. “’Why’d he call you that?’” he said.

“I go, that’s my [expletive] name,” Pedroia said. “He goes, 'Oh, is that right?’

"I’m like, ‘Yeah, bro. I’ve had 1,600 games with you. They’ve actually said it 5,000 [expletive] times: now batting, No. 15, Dustin Pedroia.’”

“I thought it was Pee Wee," Ortiz went.

“This is dead serious,” Pedroia said. “Now the umpire comes back — I’m standing there, I got to hit...and I’m looking at him, ‘You thought my parents would name me [expletive] Pee Wee?’ 

“And he’s just looking at me, and we’re having a conversation. The umpire’s yelling at me, the catcher’s laughing at me because he can hear kind of what he’s saying.”

No jersey retirement speech will be that funny.