By Justin Aucoin
Special contributor to WickedGoodSports.com
In just a few days itll be Christmas -- a time where peace is supposed to reign on Earth, good will is shown toward your fellow man and Christmas miracles become as numerous as snow flakes.
However, there are some sports-related Christmas miracles that are about as likely to happen as well as likely you getting that pony you always wanted as a kid.
5. Boston Bruins show up for a full game
Biggest complaint about the Bruins this year is that they show up for only 20 minutes a game.
Sometimes its the first period; sometimes the second; usually its the third. Who knows?
Theres no better illustration of this than Saturdays game against the Capitals and last night's game against the Ducks. After scoring three goals in the first period on Saturday, the B's punched out all except for Tim Thomas who, once again, carried the Bruins on his shoulders. He faced more shots in the third period than the Bs fired off themselves in the entire game.
B's should at least buy the guy some Icy-Hot to help soothe his aching shoulders and back. They might want to toss in a few six packs and cheeseburgers for good measure though.
Oh and, yknow, play an entire 60 minutes of hockey some day. They certainly didn't do it last night. Boston let the formerly Emilio Estevez-inspired Anaheim Ducks blank them, 3-0. Sure they put up 45 shots but maybe five of them actually made Jonas Hiller move to stop. It was definitely the easiest 45-shot shutout in recent memory (perhaps ever).
Bruins haven't scored in over 100 minutes of hockey. That's a long coffee break.
Christmas Miracle chance? Medium. B's will turn it around at some point, but expect some slips and dips into 13 effort here and there.
4. Soccer players stop diving
Were pretty sure its required of all soccer players to watch and study the finer points of soap opera acting. Its the only way to explain all the over-the-top dives and fake injuries youll see during the course of a game.
Or maybe they study online.
And as bad as youll hear Bruins fans complain about Montreal Canadiens players diving, its nothing compared to European soccer. Youll see more dives in 30 seconds of soccer than you will in the entire run of the Summer Olympic diving competition.
But in fairness, theres a chance youll see someone get kung-fud, too.
Christmas Miracle chance? Never going to happen. Save your wishes for something more likely to happen like getting a pony.
3. FSU beats UConn; ends winning streak
Last weekend UConn womens basketball team won its 88th straight game, tying UCLAs mens team record for longest winning streak. The Huskies last loss came in 2008.
We dont even remember what happened in 2008 anymore.
The one team standing in between UConn and immortality? Number 22 Florida State, who just lost to Yale (2-7) this past weekend.
Christmas Miracle chance? Best of luck with that, FSU.
2. Toronto Maple Leafs string some wins together
Sure thing, kid. You and a myriad of other waffle-throwing fellas up north.
OK sure, this one is bound to happen eventually. Right? But on a regular occurrence? Eh. Looks like the Bruins might score another sweet draft pick.
Its cool, though. At least Toronto has Phil Kessel.
Christmas Miracle chance? Medium. Leafs can be a streaky team (as they showed at the start of the season). But in the long wrong its going to be waffle town.
1. Rex Ryan stops eating snacks
Hope you brought plenty of eye bleach for that one. Its going to haunt your dreams for a while.
Christmas Miracle chance? Hahahahahahahahaha.
Have a fun and safe holiday, everyone.
Make sure to check out more fun with Photoshop from Justin and his team atDaysofYOrr.com.