Team's losing? Sign some old players!

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Team's losing? Sign some old players!

By Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

The Red Sox lost yet again Tuesday night, falling to 2-9 on the season after losing to the Tampa Bay Rays. Luckily for them no one has noticed because the NHL playoffs are upon us. No? Eh, a guy can dream.

Anyway, after all those expectations, trades and millions of dollars spent on players the Red Sox are still failing hard. They're making the Pittsburgh Pirates look good.

Obviously changes need to be made despite the 151 remaining games. Seriously, look at the Sox record. No team has ever won the 2011 World Series after starting 2-9. Those are just the facts.

So what can be done? More practice? Meh. It is baseball. If you're standing around doing nothing right now you're practicing playing baseball.

Simply wait for the team to get their shi.... ummmm... stuff together? Psh. Patience? In Boston?!!? Poppy cock! You silly goose. Patience, ha.

Nope. The Red Sox decided to move in a direction that a lot of teams in sports go to. The strategy has never, ever worked but that didn't stop the Red Sox.

When your team isn't winning now..... sign players that used to be good but are just awful now! Obviously a player way past their prime is going to find their game again at the age of 50. Here are a few players the Sox are looking into.

First they called old friend Pedro Martinez, but he's currently busy touring with his band The Washed Ups.

Bet the Phillies miss him a bunch. No one ever told him his hair was way too greasy.

Then they called Manny. Sure, he just retired for getting busted using steroids or something again and would miss the next 100 games but that is nothing a little money in Bud Selig's pocket can't cure.

Frank Thomas got a good look. He was quite the hitter back in 1946 and the Red Sox sure could use his power hitting these days. Unfortunately Thomas has been hitting the buffet since he retired.

Although if they made him a catcher no one would get by him. Not even pie.

Boston was going to call Curt Schilling but he got a tattoo from the same guy that tattoos Pam Anderson and got hepatitis. So sad.

Shortly after he emerged from the doctor's office with a bloody sleeve and said he'd be ready to pitch next game. Then he didnt shut up about it for ten years.

The Red Sox also put in a call to a Hall of Famer and all time fan favorite but he was busy with his budding movie career.

Too much?

Heard that Reggie Jackson fellow is looking for work too. He's clutch. Heard he played for some team Sox fans hate though.

Oh, well. Guess we're stuck with this current loser team!

Clayborn beats out Seymour, Vrabel to enter Patriots Hall of Fame

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Clayborn beats out Seymour, Vrabel to enter Patriots Hall of Fame

Raymond Clayborn has been voted into the Patriots Hall of Fame, beating out both Mike Vrabel and Richard Seymour for the honor. The corner, who is tied for the franchise record for interceptions with Ty Law (36), will be the 26th person inducted to the Hall. 

Clayborn was a three-time Pro Bowler (1983, 1985, 1986) during his 13-year Patriots career from 1977 through 1989. He was drafted by the Patriots in the first round (16th overall) out of Texas in 1977, and chipped in both in the secondary and as a kick returner. As a rookie in the return game, he averaged 31 yards per return and brought back three for touchdowns. 

Clayborn reacted to the news on Twitter soon after the announcement was made. 

"I was fortunate to be a season ticket holder during Raymond's entire Patriots career," Patriots Chairman and CEO Robert Kraft said in a statement. "For the first half of his career, he teamed with Michael Haynes to form one of the best corner tandems in league history. Throughout his career, Raymond was a physical, shutdown corner.

"One of my favorite memories was watching the 1985 team advance to the Super Bowl after Raymond helped us break the Orange Bowl curse when he stymied future Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino with a dominant performance against Pro Bowl receivers Mark Duper and Mark Clayton. Raymond had six passes defensed and an interception to help us claim our first conference title. It was the greatest upset victory in franchise history at the time and one the entire New England region celebrated. It is a well-deserved honor and I look forward to presenting him his hall of fame jacket."

Clayborn has been a finalist for each of the last four years but was not able to generate enough support in the annual online vote to beat out Ty Law (2014 inductee), Willie McGinest (2015) or Kevin Faulk (2016). Clayborn was eligible to be voted in by the senior committee since he's now been retired for 25 years, but he did not receive the requisite eight of 10 senior committee votes to be elected in that way. 

As it turns out, he didn't need to be. When Kraft called Clayborn with the news, he said Clayborn received over 40 percent of the vote to beat out the pair of three-time Super Bowl champs.