Sports reporting poems

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Sports reporting poems

By Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

SI.com's Truth & Rumors section had one worth investigating today:

'Chara's game compromised?'

By what? I wondered. The dehydration? The idea surprised me because the Bruins D-man certainly appeared healthier in last night's tilt versus Montreal.

SI was kind enough to explain:

Zdeno Chara and the Bruins chipped their way back into the first round, but an interesting subplot remains with Big Z, who in recent weeks has taken out two players -- one with a hit and another with a shot. There is a sense around the Bruins that Chara is bothered by more than just a virus. Montreal fans who tweeted his illness was "karma" will have little sympathy, but the feeling is Chara is mentally torn by the injuries he caused to Max Pacioretty and Ryan Callahan.

Rather than puke on myself, I scanned the comment section. And it's a good thing I did.

User 'Canuck eh?' wrote:

Hallmark's working on a card.Sorry I broke your neck,I feel really bad.Sorry I broke your foot,It makes me very sad.But stand in front me,And you may lose an eye.So get the out of the wayOr prepare to die.Love, Zdeno

Brilliant.

There should be poems for all sports occasions. Like these:

"Minnesota 'indeed' interested in McNabb'

Vikings are purple,
McNabb is blue;
Nobody wants him
Not even you.
But, wait! Minny's desperate,
There might be a chance,
Looks like it's time,
For their quarterback dance.

"Pronger's hand broken?"

Chrissy hurt her hand
Suck it up, you big baby
This is the playoffs.

"Pitcher accused of shoplifting"

There once was a pitcher named Leake
Who garnered the right not to speak.
Got busted for stealing
The Reds are appealing
Won't see him at Macy's next week. (Or ever.)

"NFL, players resume talks after three days"

L abor talks have begun again.
O wner Jerry Jones is joining the fray
C arl Eller and Mike Vrabel are also involved.
K ill me.
O nly time will tell when the 2011 NFL season will begin
U nless they can just bang something out real quick.
T his has got to be tough on Albert Breer.

Eduardo Rodriguez strong, Red Sox down Mariners for 5th straight win

Eduardo Rodriguez strong, Red Sox down Mariners for 5th straight win

BOSTON (AP)  Eduardo Rodriguez pitched six scoreless innings and the Boston Red Sox took advantage of a sloppy performance by the Seattle Mariners to earn their season-high fifth straight win, 3-0 on Friday night.

It was the third consecutive win for Rodriguez (4-1), who went six innings, gave up just five hits and struck out four while throwing a season-high 112 pitches. Craig Kimbrel earned his 13th save.

Rodriguez has pitched at least six innings in his last seven starts, going 4-0 in that span.

The only run support Rodriguez needed came in the second inning, when Hanley Ramirez scored on Josh Rutledge's RBI groundout. Boston added two more runs in the sixth, scoring on a wild pitch and passed ball.

Yovani Gallardo (2-5) took the loss. He lasted 5 1/3 innings, gave up seven hits and was responsible for all three of Boston's runs. Seattle has won just one of its last seven.

Meanwhile, Boston gave Rodriguez got lots of help from his defense. Jackie Bradley Jr. had a pair of nice plays, getting an outfield assist in the second and running down another ball on the warning track in the sixth.

In addition to the pitching miscues, the Mariners had all kinds of issues in the wet conditions, committing two fielding errors.

The Red Sox left 11 runners on base, leaving the door open for the Mariners to get back in the game. But Seattle couldn't capitalize, going 0 for 6 with runners in scoring position. The Mariners also left seven runners stranded.

TRAINER'S ROOM

Mariners: LHP James Paxton (strained left forearm) was slated to make a rehab start Friday night in Double-A Arkansas. He has been on the 10-day disabled list since May 5. He could be activated for a start at the end of the month against Colorado.

Red Sox: Infielder Marco Hernandez will be out the remainder of the season after undergoing stabilization surgery on his left shoulder on Friday. Hernandez was placed on the disabled list May 4 with a left shoulder misalignment. The 24-year-old hit .276 with two RBI in 21 games. ... A night after he left the game with left knee pain, 2B Dustin Pedroia was held out Friday for what manager John Farrell said was "precautionary reasons" because of the wet playing surface.

UP NEXT

Mariners: RHP Rob Whalen (0-2, 4.09 ERA in Triple-A Tacoma) will be making his major league start since last season with Atlanta. He will be 12th different starting pitcher the Mariners have used this season.

Red Sox: LHP Brian Johnson (1-0, 7.20 ERA) will be making his second major league start this year and third of his career.

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More AP baseball:https://apnews.com/tag/MLBbaseball