Someone buy LeBron a dictionary

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Someone buy LeBron a dictionary

By Justin Aucoin
Special contributor to Wicked Good Sports.com

Call it a belated Christmas gift; call it your good deed for the year; call it a slap to the head; but for the love of Larry Bird, will someone buy LeBron James a dictionary? They cost 6.

For those who havent heard, LeBron recently admitted ignorance to what the word contraction means. His quote:

"That's crazy, because I had no idea what the word 'contraction' meant before I saw it on the Internet," James said after theMiami Heat's practice Monday.

Umm what? Youre turning 26 in two days and you never knew what the word contraction means before you saw it on the internet? Youre kidding, right? St. Vincent St. Mary High School must be so proud of you right now LeBron, just like your Mom and Pa.

What? Too soon?

Here are LeBrons original comments for those who missed them (emphasis is ours):

Imagine if you could takeKevin Loveoff Minnesota and add him to another team and you shrink the league. Looking at some of the teams that arent that great, you takeBrook Lopezor you takeDevin Harrisoff these teams that arent that good right now and you add him to a team that could be really good.

And straight from Merriam-Webster.com:

Excuse us while we go purge ourselves from all the dumb James is inflicting on the world.

Wait, theres more?

"I never even mentioned contraction. That word never even came out of my mouth. I was just saying how the league was back in the '80s and how it could be good again. I never said, 'Let's take some of the teams out.' "

And yet he said shrink the league. Taking teams out of the NBA is shrinking the league and therefore contraction.

Look at what youve done to Captain Picard!

Were not sure how one shrinks the league without contracting it. Perhaps LeBron is actually much smarter than the rest of us and has come up with a crazy way of shrinking the league without losing any teams -- Rick Moranis style.

Are we just picking on LeBron at this point? Probably.

But the guy deserves it. We have no love for millionaires with Brobdingnagian egos who dont know simple definitions and then, after learning the definition, fails to see how it relates to his comments. Contraction has to be, what, a fifth grade level vocab term? Its not like we expect him to know what Brobdingnagian means.

Perhaps LeBron should live by Mr. Abe Lincolns adage:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

But we have a feeling thats a long shot.

Justin is co-ownerwriterPhotoshopisteverythingelse for Days of YOrr.

Morning Skate: Another setback for Flyers top pick Nolan Patrick

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Morning Skate: Another setback for Flyers top pick Nolan Patrick

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading, while wondering what Melissa McCarthy is going to do now that Spicey is gone.

*The debut for Philadelphia Flyers top pick Nolan Patrick has been scratched due to “an infection in his face.” Boy, this kid can’t get healthy, can he?

*Detroit Red Wings coach Jeff Blashill is 100 percent sure that the Winged Wheels will be making a return to the playoffs this season.

*PHT writer and FOH (Friend of Haggs) Jason Brough has hope returning to the city of Houston that they might get an NHL franchise one of these days.

*Travis Yost delves into shooting percentage and some of the nuances when properly trying to break it down statistically.

*There are new season ticket charges for Habs fans in Montreal, and boy are they pissed off about it. Feels like the kind of thing that could push them to riot in the streets or flood 911 emergency lines if the Canadiens aren’t too careful about it.

*Young Blues defenseman Colton Parayko signs a five-year deal with St. Louis to avoid salary arbitration while the D-man taken exactly one pick before him by the Bruins in the draft, Matt Grzelcyk, is going to be hard-pressed to move past the AHL level this season.

*For something completely different: What would Ivan Drago have been doing with his life after his showdown with Rocky in Mother Russia?

 

 

Bean: Nobody should ever compare Love Actually to the Warriors

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Bean: Nobody should ever compare Love Actually to the Warriors

I’ve never met Jemele Hill. I think she and Michael Smith are great and I completely respect her bravery in voicing the unpopular (but correct) opinion that “Bad and Boujee” is good, but not great. This isn’t about Jemele Hill. It’s about a question she asked and an attempt to answer it. 

Hell no it is not. Know why? Because the Warriors are awesome. Know what’s not awesome? Love Actually. 

All that these two things share is that they’re both loaded with stars. The Warriors have Steph, Draymond, Klay and Durant. Love Actually has Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Billy Bob Thornton, a child who kind of looks like Satan, etc. They’re both loaded. 

Yet the Warriors won and there is no debating their greatness. There is absolutely debating Love Actually’s greatness, since it isn’t great.  

It’s at this point that I should disclose that Pete Blackburn and I had a collective two-hour meltdown about all the reasons why Love Actually is terrible. There were lots. That’s why it took two hours. 

Here are some things about the Warriors:

- They won their second NBA title in three years. 

- They went 16-1 in the postseason. 

- Steph Curry made 56 more three-pointers than anyone else in the playoffs.  

- They led the NBA with 115.9 points per game. 

Here are some things about Love Actually:  

- The movie starts with a weird 9/11 reference. 

- Casual homophobia is rampant. 

- A widower gets mocked for his sexual inactivity very recently after his damn wife died. 

- The movie likely birthed thousands of eating disorders. 

- A guy decides to cross his best friend and make a run at that guy’s wife just so he can break it off immediately. The much coveted lose-lose-lose to ensure a weird life for everyone. 

- Somebody whose job it is to be a people person sexually harasses every woman in his office. 

- The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has a woman fired because he wants to have sex with her. 

- The writer whose wife cheats on him storyline is literally the most boring thing in the history of the world. It makes The Steps of Knowledge in “Legends of the Hidden Temple” look like “Mad Max: Fury Road.” 

So no, Jemele Hill, “Love Actually” is not the Golden State Warriors of romantic comedies. Know what is? “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” That movie also has a loaded cast (and a better one, at that) with outstanding execution. 

Steph Curry is Cal. Six teams passed on him, but he made them rue the day. Draymond Green is Jacob, as he pulls a lot of stunts but he’s as lovable as lovable gets. Kevin Durant is David Lindhagen: He’s got his detractors, but he’s what makes the team the best. 

Love Actually stinks.