Boston Bruins

Sheen keeps winning; LeBron tries losing

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Sheen keeps winning; LeBron tries losing

Goal: Adam Hart
Assisted by: Mary Paoletti, Charlie Sheen
CSNNE.com

Losing

The greatest publicity campaign in the history of sports. Thanks, Charlie Sheen.

Location: A well-lit conference room in Miami. Dim lighting is bad for one's eyes. LeBron James has assembled his team of yes-men for a strategical meeting concerning his public persona. Commence eavesdropping:

LeBron: This Charlie Sheen thing is getting out of control. Guy is everywhere. The news, radio, talk shows, twitter. How do we get this kind of exposure?

Erik Spoelstra: By copying his schtick! Just start saying "winning" about everything.

LeBron: Wrong again, Spo'. What's that make you, 0-for-342 on the season? Chuckles No, I'll be doing the exact opposite.
Chris Bosh: Flops out of his chair

LeBron: Amazing idea, I know, Chris. And you might want to stay down there, because I'm about to blow your mind.

Fancy ripple effect to signify a shift to LeBron's plan playing out.

Nancy Grace: Because we couldn't get Charlie Sheen on the show, we have the next best thing: LeBron James.

LeBron: Thank you, Nancy.
Nancy Grace: Mr. James, we've noticed a sudden change in your attitude. What gives?

LeBron: Right, Nancy. Look, for years people have shamed me into trying to be something I'm not -- a winner. I'm fed up. Winning isn't everything. Yeah, I said it. I'm losing. Everything.

Nancy Grace: Fake gasps, shakes head disapprovingly. Turns up Southern drawl Mr. James, I don't know what to...
LeBron: A simpleton like you can't grasp it. But I lose so hard it makes the Carolina Panthers jealous. I tried winning for the people, being a super-human winner. Not-uh. No fun. Losing -- not trying at all -- is where it's at.

Nancy Grace: Sir, I don't think your bosses will like thi...

LeBron: I love your negative attitude right now. You like losing, too?
Nancy Grace: I beg your pardon?

LeBron: I just assumed that you're a loser. All the signs are there. I only came here because I thought you were one of the chicks that Charlie Sheen had a threesome with.

Nancy Grace: You get the hell off my show!

LeBron: Stands up, bows I just lost the hell out of that interview! CHYEAH! That's how you DO it. I'd like to see Paul Pierce or Ray Allen try to lose like that.

Security escorts James to where Spoelstra, Bosh and D'Wade are waiting backstage

Spoelstra: So, how is that going to help the team?
LeBron: Erik, Erik, Erik. Philosophize with me for a second. Puts arm around coach This isn't going to help us at all. This whole thing is going to help ME get more attention. You feel me?

Spoelstra: I honestly... I just... I don't think I can do this anymore. Puts head in hands
Bosh: Flops around on floor like hooked fish

Wade: Get. Me. Outta here.

LeBron: Guffaws like Bill Cosby I loved that commercial. But you need to embrace losing, my man, really roll around in it.

Wade: Looks down at Bosh, who is still flopping No, I'm serious. We just lost to the Knicks... we've got Orlando, San Antonio and Chicago coming up. Get me OUT OF HERE.
Location: A satisfied LeBron sits in his giant mansion, clutching a tub of buttered popcorn. Lights dimmed, he turns on the news, expecting to see wall-to-wall coverage of his awesome publicity stunt.

News Anchor: Libyan leader Moammar Qaddafi has issued a new threat. He says if the United States invades his country, thousands WILL die.

LeBron: Stands up OH, COME ON. WHA'DDA I GOTTA DO?!

Morning Skate: Kassian completes transition from villain to hero for Oilers

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Morning Skate: Kassian completes transition from villain to hero for Oilers

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading while marveling that US democracy still works even there are extreme factors that our founding fathers couldn’t possibly have imagined. 

 

*Edmonton Oilers reclamation project Zack Kassian continues his journey from villain to hero in the eyes of the Oil Faithful. 

 

*Old warrior Chris Neil is weighing NHL offers right now along with a number of other older veterans still waiting for the right situation to present itself for next season. Many of these veterans are probably going to have to report to training camps on tryout agreements and beat out younger players for jobs, and that may be exactly what happens with a grizzled, tough old bird like Neil. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Bruins bring in a veteran or two on PTO agreements in camp, and that could be the ultimate fate for guys like Neil, Jarome Iginla, Shane Doan and even Thomas Vanek. 

 

*The Vegas Golden Knights are still looking to inspire with a developing locker room message as their maiden voyage still awaits this season. 

 

*PHT writer James O’Brien has longtime Habs defenseman Andrei Markov leaving for the KHL after he couldn’t come to an agreement to stay in Montreal with the Canadiens. 

 

*FOH (Friend of Haggs) Ryan Kennedy has a prospects mailbag at this quiet point in the summer, and he’s very, very high on Chicago Blackhawks prospect Alex Debrincat. 

 

*The Hockey News details why somebody needs to step up and sign the legendary Jaromir Jagr as one of the aforementioned veteran forwards still looking for a job. 

 

*For something completely different: Solid Steve Lattimer reference in this Pro Football Talk story about performance enhancing drugs. 

UPDATE: David Price to be placed on 10-day disabled list

UPDATE: David Price to be placed on 10-day disabled list

BOSTON — David Price went to the disabled list with left elbow inflammation before his scheduled start Friday. It was not immediately known who starts in Price's place.

Price's elbow is believed to have started to hurt him on the road trip the Red Sox finished on Wednesday, a baseball source said, but it's not 100 percent clear when this present health situation originated. ESPN's Buster Olney reported Price went for an MRI on his elbow Thursday.

The lefty missed two months to begin the season because of an elbow/forearm inury. The nature of that injury was never specificed by the team but was later referred to by Price as a torn elbow.

Robby Scott was recalled from Triple-A Pawtucket to Price's spot on the roster.

The timing of Price's injury is notable because of the controversy surrounding Price and his confrontation with Dennis Eckersley.

The Globe's Dan Shaughnessy first reported Price could land on the DL because of the elbow.