For Sale: Bearded Pro-Bowl punter


For Sale: Bearded Pro-Bowl punter

By Adam Hart

Hear the nice things Oakland Raiders punter Shane Lechler had to say about owner Al Davis?

A sampling of his reaction to the Raiders declining to bring back head coach Tom Cable:

"I'm not so sure this wasn't a terrible decision."

"Tom was good at how he handled the whole dealing with Al. He was one of the better coaches that I had that could handle that part of it and not let that part of it bother the football team. And that's what I enjoyed about him."

"Whether a new coach can call plays and pull off the whole head coaching deal and deal with Al Davis on the side, I don't know. That's a lot on somebody's plate."

"Al Davis once ate a dirty sock out of my locker, and I can't reconcile that fact."

That last one is fabricated, but the others are straight from the horse's mouth. And since Mr. Davis is so much a reactionary, skeletal, Kim Jong Il-like guy, he's put his Pro-Bowl punter up for sale in the classified ads . . . in a newspaper.

All right, you got me. There's no way the real Al Davis knows Stan Van Gundy as anything other than an enemy of the Allied Forces in WWII. And Mr. Davis was probably born before newspapers were invented, so there's a strong chance he considers the classifieds "newfangled technology."

But the point remains the same that -- facts or fake-facts -- there's about three-percent chance Al Davis doesn't address this in an overtly-crazy manner. Anything less would be a sign of the end of times.