By Adam Hart
Tuesday Jan. 11th, 2011
I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.
Turns out we are playing the Patriots. But that's not even the worst of it; they're trying to be all funny with the media. That's my expletive shtick!
It all started with my usual "This is personal, blah blah blah" nonsense to scare the Patriots. I said this game comes down to one thing, Me versus that dullard Belichick. Oh, it was expletive great. Belichick did the predictable, "I don't think you'll see either one of us out there making any blocks or tackles or runs or throws or catches." No expletive, Sherlock.
Then -- out of the blue -- I'm blindsided by some Casio boombox guy saying he'll race Tannenbaum. Who said anything about racing? Only race Mikey's winning is to the buffet line. Am I right or am I expletive right?
Even worse, this bearded guy says he can beat anyone at wearing shorts in the cold the longest. Huh?
I beat the Colts all by myself. I try to do the same thing this week against the Patriots, and they're hellbent on wrecking everything. Every expletive last thing. I mean, I sure as expletive can't beat both Belichick and Casio in a race. And that shorts thing sounds expletive weird. Maybe I'll just go barefoot on Sunday. That'll show 'em.
Long story short, I got absolutely zero game prep in today; I'm talking none. Been too busy thinking about this expletive Me vs Belichick thing and how everyone's ruining it by butting in. Unless they're just messing with my mind, throwing me off-track???
Expletive it. I'mma go see if Tannenbaum's got any expletive snacks. That's right, snacks -- plural.
P.S. Turns out Tannenbaum had some pretty expletive good snacks. But I just saw this news report: someone took all the Tostitos. ALL OF THEM. How'm I gonna make nachos for Nacho?