Randy Moss is ruining everything

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Randy Moss is ruining everything

By Adam Hart
CSNNE.com

Randy Moss was right: his time in New England was magical. In 2007, the Patriots found the Holy Grail of passing productivity.

But his recent departure has brought great trouble upon our land. If only we heeded that line from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Water? No thank you, sir. Fish make love in it.

Wait, sorry. Wrong quote.

The Grail cannot pass beyond the Great Seal. For that is the boundary, and the price, of immortality. Thats more like it. Then that morally-questionable Austrian lady brings the Grail past the seal and the earth opens up something fierce. She dies. Indiana Jones lives. But he comes back and makes a terrible movie about the X-Files.

Just as in the film, awful, mostly-unspeakable things have occurred since Moss left, passing the Great Seal that is New England's western border. Make no mistake, all the devastation is directly related to Randy Moss, his departure and his essence. Luckily, these awful, mostly-unspeakable things are entirely typeable:

Oct. 6 - Randy Moss traded to Minnesota for a 3rd round pick. Recent New England 3rd rounders: Taylor Price, hasnt played; Tyrone McKenzie, in Tampa; Kevin OConnell, gone; Shawn Crable, barely playing finally starting to make an impact; David Thomas, winning a Super Bowl in New Orleans. Yeah, you see how its bad.

Oct. 7 - Deadspin.com releases voicemails and explicit images which allegedly originated with Brett Favre, Moss new quarterback. Turmoil ensues. Minnesota goes 1-3 before Moss is waived. Most devastating: insufferable Favre talk -- both sexting and non-sexting related -- consumes the sports media world for weeks to come.

Oct. 15 - Teen whatever-he-is Justin Bieber acts like hes not Canadian and disses Moss friend, Tommy Boy, in a rap. Also, I am forced to end my holdout on learning how to spell Bieber.

Oct. 26 - Celtics relieve themselves on the Miami Heats coronation, 88-80, giving Cleveland proof their curses are effective. An increase in practicing witchcraft is a bad thing, especially in Cleveland. Wonder how the Patriots looked feeble against the Browns? Curses, thats how. Im looking at you, Brian Daboll.

Oct. 28 - Randy Moss insults a caterers food. Thats the extent of the harm.

Oct. 30 - I go to a Halloween party dressed as Twitter. Only a few people understand the costume. No one told me it was an Amish party.

Nov. 2 - Randy Moss is waived by Minnesota, but Chillys reign of monotonous terror drones on and on -- soap-opera style.

Nov. 3 - The carnage ramps up when Rent Is Too Damn High Party candidate Jimmy McMillan loses New Yorks gubernatorial race. Rent remains too damn high. As a karate expert, I think this path of destruction is getting a little out of hand.

Nov. 7 - Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski tears his quad, ultimately landing him on the season-ending IR. As if thats not enough, a domino-effect problem arrives in New England three days later.

Nov. 7 - Patriots lose mightily to the Cleveland Browns. Eric Manginis packed-lip smirk is immediately engraved in New Englands memory. Somebody get that man a spittoon. And a speech therapist.

Nov. 8 - Find out through Facebook an ex-girlfriend is engaged. Not to me. Cancel her from my newsfeed out of spite. That'll show her.

Nov. 9 - Felger and Holley gang up on Chris Gasper over -- what else? -- the Patriots' offense without Randy Moss. Felger feeds off Moss bashing. He grows more powerful by the hour.

Nov. 10 - Those people stuck on the cruise ship voice their complaints about being without -- gasp! -- air conditioning and hot showers. Death toll is still being figured, but it expects to be in the zeros. Sadness toll, though, is approaching 100 percent. This whining is annoying. Like, look on the bright side: at least youre only held hostage by your boredom, not Somali pirates.

Nov. 12 - Skyline is released in theatres. Skyline.

Nov. 13 - Economies in New England and Minnesota are in disrepair directly resulting from the lack of Moss jersey sales now that he's playing elsewhere. His is a profit not unlike Bernie Madoff's, except that it is totally unlike it.

Nov. 14 - Steelers fans break out the Terrible Towels. No wonder those pieces of fabric are so scary; theyre like the size of a handtowel. Hows anybody going to get dry with one of those? Plus, they do nothing to stop Tom Brady from extending his lease on the Steelers.

Nov. 14 - The Tennessee Titans lose a game in which Moss collects just one reception, opening him to further criticism. Felger's power is reaching unsafe levels.

Told you there was a lot of horrible stuff going on. How many of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is that?

Tatum easing into new challenge with Celtics

Tatum easing into new challenge with Celtics

BOSTON -- While the newest Boston Celtics were scattered about while at a community service event, 19-year-old Jayson Tatum was sitting in a really comfortable-looking chair, resting. 

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind unlike any he had ever experienced, beginning with the pre-draft process, to workouts, to the draft itself and all the appearances and media engagements that have followed. 

“It’s a lot,” Tatum, grinning, told CSNNE.com. “But I’m taking it one day at a time.”

That steady-as-she-goes approach served him well during his lone season at Duke. 

Keeping an even-keeled approach will bode well for him as he gears up for his first taste of NBA basketball beginning with summer league practice this week in preparation for next week’s summer league action which begins in Salt Lake City. 

Boston’s summer league opener will be July 3 against Philadelphia and the top overall pick Markelle Fultz, at the University of Utah’s Jon M. Huntsman Center.

Tatum, who has not played in a five-on-five game since Duke’s loss to South Carolina in the NCAA tournament, is admittedly excited to get back on the floor this week. 

“I can’t wait,” he said. 

Celtics Nation feels the same way about Tatum, selected with the third overall pick in last week’s NBA draft. 

Although it’s only a preseason game, there will be expectations and with that, possibly some added pressure for Tatum to show he was such a coveted player by the Celtics. 

“That’s why Duke helped me a lot,” he told CSNNE.com. “Duke, the best program in college basketball, we were always on the national spotlight good or bad, whether we were winning or losing. That will help me a lot preparing for the Boston Celtics.”

And like Duke, Tatum will have to fight his way on to the court although he readily admits the challenge is much greater in the NBA. 

“Isaiah Thomas, Jaylen Brown, Jae Crowder . . . we didn’t have those guys at Duke,” Tatum said. “It’s gonna be tough; just try my best and get in where I fit in.”

Tatum said he will at times lean on his more experienced teammates, one of which was a former teammate of his – sort of – in Jaylen Brown. 

“I’ve known Jaylen for a while,” Tatum said. “We played with and against each other in high school at AAU camps. 

Tatum added, “at the AAU camps, sometimes we were on the same team and sometimes we were not.”

While much has been made about how the two are similar, Tatum sees both having strengths that complement, rather than compete, with each other. 

“He’s further along than Jaylen was skill-wise and he’s not as far along as Jaylen physically,” said Danny Ainge, Boston’s president of basketball operations. “Again, he’s 19 years old. I don’t want to put any expectations … I want to give him time to grow. We’ll see. He’ll definitely have a role, get a chance to play. And how well he performs is up to him.”

Tatum’s assessment of his game and Brown’s goes as follows:

“He’s a lot stronger, bigger than me,” Tatum, who is 6-foot-8, 204 pounds, acknowledged. “He’s much more athletic. Offensively, I think that’s what I excel in, being smooth and my ability to score. I can just learn from him, the things that he went through last year.”

One of the things he has already picked up on, is that Brown is a pretty smart – and at times clever – dude. 

Not long after Tatum picked jersey number 11, Brown, who wears number 7, took to social media and came up with a 7-11 theme that has already lead to some pretty snazzy t-shirt designs. 

“I thought it was funny,” Tatum said. “It’s catchy; I like it.”

And the Celtics really like Tatum’s game which has been compared at times to former Celtic great Paul Pierce. 

“I hate to make those comparisons when kids are 19 and let his game evolve into whatever it is,” Ainge said. “The similarity is they have good footwork. They both have really good ways to create space for shots. But the similarity … they’re both very good defensive rebounders. Those are two things that stand out to me with Jayson that are Paul characteristics.”

Tatum knows he’s a long way from being in the same company as Celtic royalty such as Pierce. 

Before then he must first earn minutes on the floor which will not be an easy task. 

But Tatum’s demeanor, much like his game, has seemingly always been a bit more mature than most of his fellow basketball brethren. 

Tatum credits his parents, Justin Tatum and Brandy Cole.

“They raised me to be different, be more mature and stand out above the crowd and be my own person and be comfortable in my skin,” Tatum said. “That’s how I’ve always been.”

BOSTON SPORTS TONIGHT PODCAST: How does the Chris Paul trade affect the Celtics?

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BOSTON SPORTS TONIGHT PODCAST: How does the Chris Paul trade affect the Celtics?

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0:41 - Tom Curran, Tom Giles, and Kayce Smith discuss the Rockets acquiring Chris Paul and how that trade can actually have an affect on the Celtics plans.

5:06 - Ian Thomsen joins BST to talk about if the Celtics are the front runners for Paul George, what would be too much to give up to the Pacers, and why it’s important to sign Hayward before trading for George.

11:21 - Evan Drellich joins from Fenway Park to discuss Rick Porcello getting his 10th loss of the season and if the struggling offense might be a season-long problem. 

14:58 - Tom Curran and Kayce Smith give their thoughts on Nate Burleson saying that Julian Edelman is the most under-appreciated receiver in the last 10 years.