By Jon Fucile
Do you guys and gals remember Plaxico Burress?
He was that marginally talented receiver with a head fun of bricks who shot himself in the leg at a night club and then went to jail because carrying weapons and firing them in a night club, even if it is an accident, is often frowned upon.
On a side note, someone should also look into bringing charges against his parents for naming him Plaxico. Seriously parents, think before you name your kids. Just because a name is different doesn't mean it is good or cool. This is borderline child abuse.
Anyway...where were we? Oh right, Mr. Burress.
He is getting out of jail next week and there is talk about him continuing his NFL career this season, assuming players and owners get over their petty arguments and there is a season, and apparently a few teams are interested.
Michael Vick spent a good amount of time in jail and is now thriving in the NFL and teams with a need for a receiver who isn't afraid to pack some heat are sniffing around Plaxico. If the NFL has a season, where would he fit in?
Here's a few teams that are interested and reasons why Plaxico could thrive there.
Burress has spent time in jail....and many believe Ray Lewis should have, so they have that in common. If you remember, years ago Lewis was accused of murder but got off by making a plea and testifying against his buddies.
It could potentially be a match made in heaven, especially when it comes to team costume parties.
Plaxico shot himself in the leg and rumor has it they used crude methods to replace his leg in prison. Supposedly he's got a peg leg like a pirate. Ray Lewis, much like a parrot, never ever shuts up when you want him to. They'll be fast friends.
Michael Vick would welcome Plaxico with open arms. Perhaps having another guy on the team who made a terrible, idiotic mistake will take away any of the lingering talk of Vick's dog fighting ring. The two could give talks to their teammates about how bad jail is, detail all the lessons they learned and talk about how much they missed their mansions while in jail.
This would also be a huge boost for Eagles head coach Andy Reid. He could finally live out his dream of re-enacting that movie The Longest Yard with his ever growing collection of ex-convicts.
Vick has a much better arm than Adam Sandler. Not entirely sure Andy Reid is a better coach than Burt Reynolds though.
New York Jets
The Jets, as an organization, seem to love grabbing headlines more than grabbing titles and signing Plaxico would be about head line grabbing score for them and they'd have another receiver Mark Sanchez could under throw a ball to in a critical moment of a game.
Plaxico used to play for the Giants and is already accustomed to the New York night life, as the hole in his leg can attest to, and he can always bring his gun when the Jets play the Patriots and challenge those guys dressed like Minutemen on the sideline to a shooting contest!
Plus, Rex Ryan looks incredibly similar to the Big Boss Man, a wrestler who dressed like a prison guard, so maybe he could keep Plaxico in line.
Just look at facts. Al Davis will sign ANYONE. You have to believe the Raiders will be in the mix.
Seriously, why is Al Davis still allowed to make decisions. And how is he still alive?!?!
New England Patriots
We know what you're thinking.... it is crazy to think the Pats would be interested. But Bill Belichick is a vengeful, vengeful man. He will probably sign Burress and then just bench him every game while Brady and Welker throw footballs at his head.
Yeah.this could be BIG trouble for Burress. Belichick is an angry man.