By Jon Fucile
Fans in Montreal and Vancouver are rioting today. No, not because of a first round series win or because of their overrated, mediocre goalie buckled under the pressure again.
Fans in both cities are rejoicing because despite the fact theyve both been involved in some of the stupidest riots in history, there is a new undisputed champion in town.
The Guinness Book of World Records announced today that the Penn State fans and rioters have officially set the record for dumbest riot of all time.
Why did Penn State fans riot? Were they protesting an unjust ruling or the unfair treatment of a popular figure? No, they were protesting the firing of a man who attempted to cover up the horrible sexual abuse of children.
As were sure youre all aware by now, former Penn State head coach Joe Paterno was fired after it was revealed that Paterno was aware of some horrible, awful abuse against children taking place at Penn State. Rather than going to authorities, he basically ignored the issue and downplayed it to Penn State management.
When Penn State fans found out Paterno was fired, they decided football was way more important than all the ruined lives caused by administration's ignorance and started a riot.
I hate to say Im excited in a situation like this but now Montreal looks so much less stupid, said Canadiens mascot Youppi. Sure, our fans are dumb enough to burn cop cars after a first round win but at least were not celebrating atrocities against children!
Vancouver Canucks mascot, Fin, shared similar sentiments.
Weve been taking crap since June for our riots. Our fans smashed cop cars, ruined stores and threw things at Milan Lucics elderly grandparents. Those jerks at Days of YOrr wont shut up about it, though they are hilarious and hurtful at the same time, Fin said. But now...no one is even going to mention us ever again when the subject of riots come up. We rioted after a Game 7 Stanley Cup loss. Those expletive deleted morons at Penn State should all be pummeled by Shawn Thornton."
There are scum bags and then there's you, Penn State rioters. Football isnt even close to important in this situation. You started a riot to protest the firing of a man who allowed atrocities against children to continue because he couldnt be bothered to go to the police.
Because of him and others at the university, a countless number of children will be forever damaged. And you respond by rioting? You are the absolute dumbest group of people. You have to go to bed at night knowing that you rioted to support the abuse of children, because that is basically what it comes down to.
You can rationalize it anyway you want, but if you participated in or celebrated this riot even for a second you were basically raising your hand and saying that sexual abuse against children is okay as long as you run a semi-successful football organization.
There is absolutely no excuse at all for what happened at Penn State. If you participated in, approved of, or cheered the riot you deserve to get punched in whatever set of genitals you have. Repeatedly. If you have a daughter or son or nephew or niece or grandchild or any small child you are close with and they are unlucky enough to get abused, know that you cant really be mad because you CELEBRATED this by participating in this riot. You are giant pieces of crap and you deserve all the worst things in life to happen you. Go rot in a hole somewhere you morons.