By Adam Hart
The day we all feared has come: someone -- or something! -- poisoned a group of trees in Alabama.
Not just any trees -- famous trees. Toomer's Corner trees. No, Janoris Jenkins, offering those kinds of trees as replacements won't help.
What's Toomer's Corner, you ask? It's okay, stupid questions are accepted here at WGS.
Toomer's Corner is where Auburn students celebrate everything they have to celebrate; National Championships, big bowl wins, loss of virginity. It is a jubilant place.
But that jubilance is being replaced by rotting oaks and sadness. See, Harvey Almorn Updyke, 62, was reportedly arrested Wednesday and faces the charge of first-degree criminal mischief, punishable between one to 10 years, for allegedly poisoning all those celebration trees. He's a fan of Alabama football, Auburn's most-hated rival.
Open-and-shut case, right? Wrong.
Remember who live in Alabama trees -- leprechauns. They're the kings of mischief making. I once sought the maximum against the little guy who stole the chocolate gold coins from my pre-school leprechaun trap. He was never captured to face judgment. That's right: he's on the loose.
Not to say the police, FBI, U.S. Marshals Service, Alabama Department of Agriculture and Industries and Tallapoosa County Sheriff's Department caught the wrong guy, but due diligence should be performed on this leprechaun lead. The ringleader from that leprechaun video thinks so:
"Who else seen a leprechaun, say 'Yeah!'"
In the meantime, a limited number of Toomer oak saplings will be available. Word is the Knights Templar have taken up the cause of protecting the Toomer oak bloodlines. Because it's that important.