You know and I know the Patriots will never be on Hard Knocks. First, they don’t miss the playoffs and you have to suck to get on. Second, after the events of the past five months, Bill Belichick would rather self-immolate than help the NFL reap a ratings benefit from his team. I’m prepared for the worst season of media cooperation in Belichick’s 16 seasons with the team.
But this year, we’ll get the closest facsimile of the Patriots on Hard Knocks. The Houston Texans.
Conflict usually makes for good watching and Texans head coach Bill O’Brien – the former Patriots offensive coordinator – can’t be too fired up about intruding cameras during his camp. Expect prickliness. And disgusted, weary, nose-scrunched, facial expressions that say, “Are you s******* me?!” without saying a word. O’Brien is from here. We are good at making that face.
Then there’s the battle between a pair of former Patriots and Tom Brady backups, Brian Hoyer and Ryan Mallett for the starting quarterback job. The Brady backup angle and “what Tom taught me” storyline will be plumbed but it will also be fascinating to see the two compete. Especially Mallett. This is his fifth season in the league. It’s pretty much his last, best chance to stake a claim to being a full-time starter. Otherwise, he’s looking at a few seasons of journeyman backup then out of the league. The sneering kid the Patriots drafted turned into a really polished, likable hard-working player by the time he was traded to Houston last summer. He’s got a cannon for an arm but scattershot accuracy. Can he harness his skill?
Hoyer is the perfect foil to Mallett. He doesn’t have off-the-chart arm strength or size. He doesn’t seem to be what any team would call a long-term answer. But his resume is really more than that despite the inch-deep analysts that dismisses him as a scrub.
The first season of Vince Wilfork away from the Patriots has to be a storyline. And if Hard Knocks doesn’t make a star of professional smartass Mike Vrabel – the Texans linebackers coach – they are missing the boat or he isn’t cooperating. The Texans defensive coordinator is Romeo Crennel, the DC for the Patriots during their three Super Bowls from 2001 to 2004.
J.J. Watt is going to provide endless awkward footage of a guy trying too hard to be funny, edgy and interested in advancing his brand. I can’t wait to watch Clowney just for the sheer football skill and to see how the Texans try to harness it.
Last season, the Falcons were the featured team. They had plenty of Patriot ties. But I wasn’t blown away by anything in particular, although I found the interactions between former Patriots linebacker and card-carrying hardass Bryan Cox as he tried to coach the emotionally stunted rookie Ra’Shede Hageman really interesting.
This season, it ought to be better. The series starts airing August 11.