By Mary Paoletti
Okay, okay, okay. What's more surprising: Laurence Maroney getting arrested? Or Laurence Maroney getting arrested for unlawful weapons and drug charges?
Trick question. Both details are surprising for different reasons. Want to know why? Sure you do.
1) Maroney is "The Stuff" and "The Stuff can't break the law because "The Stuff" is above the law. Naw, I'm just kidding. That's ridiculous.
1 (For real) The Lau-Mo I saw in New England looked like a happy-go-lucky guy. It would have been better if he had been a happy-go-lucky professional football player instead, but that's besides the point. Point is, when I saw him during training camp he was rolling around on the grass, playing with people's kids and being a gap-toothed silly goose.
Did any part of me think 'This guy is on a crash course to legal and moral disaster?' Nope. I thought 'This guy should run a day care out of his house.' I bet you the Patriots would have kept Maroney around if he had volunteered to babysit Brady's kids instead of take up space on the bench.
2) Guns and drugs sound like these fellas were up to something, as if they had some plan that got foiled. Here's where Maroney's involvement is surprising: making plans involves not being a complete idiot.
Lau-Mo is an idiot.
I mean that in the nicest way possible. Remember those gems he spit before the Patriots traveled to London?
When told the British use the word cheerio to say goodbye, Maroney said, Like the cereal? For real? How do they say hello, Kellogg? Frosted Mini-Wheats?When asked if hed go out and talk to people in England, Maroney said, They might not understand me in London. What do they speak over there? I dont like repeating myself, so over there, if they dont understand me, Ill have to do a lot of repeating myself and itll make me frustrated.
You can't make that stuff up, and I'm saying this as someone who makes stuff up for this blog all the time. All. The. Time. Had the cops not intervened, I'm positive that Maroney and company would have ended up on this list.
The back-up back is out of jail already. I'm assuming the judge apologized for the incarceration after hearing this stellar defense:
He just happened to be behind the car, by pure coincidence. He has a permit for the gun, but the permit was in a wallet that wasn't on him.
Sorry, Denver, but it's not like New England forced him on you.