By Jon Fucile
Twitter is a good way to bring fans together in one place to talk about the team they love and have good-natured battles with fans from opposing teams. You can send Tweets you like to all your followers, make your own and have private conversations with Montreal Canadiens fans as soon as theyre done setting their house on fire after a first period goal.
But if you really want to get into some good debates you need to make more friends! Today, we here at Wicked Good Sports are going to walk you through a few examples and better prepare you for the world of Twitter sports arguments.
Were sure youre sitting there saying I dont need tips Ill just be nice to everyone! You could not possibly be more wrong.
Take for example the start of the Bruins-Canadiens game Monday night. Our subject went right on the offensive as soon as the puck dropped:
Classic move! In this example, Montreal fans like to pretend their players are respectable and get SUPER upset if you make jokes about diving or faking injuries.
It also helps if you make reference to some recent history between the team. After the incident between Max Pacioretty and Zdeno Chara, Dr. Mark Recchi made a joke about how Pacioretty might have been exaggerating his injuries if he was at the movies a couple days later.
Because this is still a sensitive topic, our subject here is sure to get a lot of replies after that comment, increasing his Twitter awareness.
Next, start attacking players who are slumping, talentless or way over paid. If you can find a player on the opposing team that is all three you should certainly target them.
As that fool Bill Simmons has taught us, making silly pop culture references also seems to help with the insult. Science currently has no explanation for this.
Next, mock the tradition of the team and city and talk about the history that 90 of their current fan base wasnt alive for but still quotes every five seconds.
By this point your inbox should be FULL with comments about your mother, bad things happening to your behind and death threats. Sip some hot cocoa and laugh as the hate mail rolls on it.
Almost every dumb fan base like the one in this example only talks trash when their team is winning. Make sure to call them on that and invite more dialogue.
The goal here is to spark more conversation and this should do the trick.
Another important move is to call the opposing fan base on their hypocrisy as often as possible. In our case study today, Montreal fans love to talk about how the Bruins players are dirty. When a player from their team does something dirty, and believe us it WILL happen, make sure to mention it. The opposing fan base will LOVE it.
The opposing fans will make a series of illogical excuses so just laugh in their faces and carry on.
By now, your Twitter feed should be blowing up and you should be enjoying all the hate. At this point you need to forget any morals you may have and go for the throat. Mention something terrible that happened to the opposing team again and make casual jokes about it as if you dont care.
If Gwen Stefani were here, she would say that at this point the opposing fans will be going b-a-n-a-n-a-s! bananas!
When they start tossing bigoted statements your way, again mention how much their team disgraces the game and how much they suck. This will just twist the knife a little deeper and work them into a bigger frenzy.
Once you can literally feel their fury through the computer screen it is time to sign off and let them stew. Oddly enough, this will anger them more than if you stayed and harassed them more. Sign off with a parody of a song you like that talks about the opposing team.
Youll be super popular in no time!
Also, Montreal is the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.