Every team needs a Chris Kemoeatu

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Every team needs a Chris Kemoeatu

By Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

The Super Bowl is just 10 days away -- 10 days. Do you have any idea how much brain-raping (Hi, Ben!) obnoxious drama ESPN can inflict on we football fans between now and then?

So much. It's going to be ugly.

And it's why I love Chris Kemoeatu a little bit right now.

When Steelers Pro Bowl center Maukice Pouncey suffered a high ankle sprain and his Super Bowl status became questionable, The WWL was poised to pounce. Adam Schefter undoubtedly worked himself into a frenzy, planning his next remote interview (in front of his many leather-bound books in his apartment that smells of rich mahogany)...

"WILL Pouncey play? Or WILL he be forced to sit and watch helplessly as his team battles the Pack for the Lombardi trophy? Zomg, you guise!"

But Kemoeatu punched much of the suspense out of the report.

"We are definitely sad that he won't be able to be with us in the Super Bowl," the defensive end told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review on Wednesday. "Definitely I feel bad for him. We just have to win it for him."

ESPN is doing its best to persevere.

'There's no word from the Steelers... not beyond what that one teammate said after practice. Pouncey was seen wearing a walking boot but we're waiting for more definitive evidence of the injury.'

NFL Network's Albert Breer is helping the cause by tweeting this: "Playing optimist, Steeler G Ramon Foster just told me on Pouncey, "I think he'll play." ... Not sure if he was instructed to say it or not."

I wish Kemoeatu's comments could stand; they were refreshingly definitive. In fact, I wish that all teams had a player -- or just anybody -- to give such straight answers that bypass all the melodrama and guesswork.

EXAMPLE: WILL Dick LeBeau finally retire? WILL the 73-year old come back if the Steelers fail to win a third Super Bowl? Or will he keep coaching until he DIES on the field?

LeBeau's Wife: Dick is done. If he doesn't retire, I'm divorcing him. End of story.

And who needs a person like this more than the Patriots?

EXAMPLE: DID Bill Belichick know Wes Welker was going to taunt Rex Ryan in his press conference? WAS he possibly in on it? WILL Welker be punished?

Ross Ventrone: Bill didn't know anything. Wes lost a bet and had to say whatever the practice squad told him to. The "foot soldiers" thing was my idea. Good, right? Oh, but Wes is gonna be benched for the first series of the game. Oops.

I realize that such plain-speak would change the nature of my job, too. But I think I'm smart enough to adapt. Why? The leather-bound books in my library are real. And I actually read them.

Stars, studs, duds: Jae Crowder scores game-high 6 3-pointers

Stars, studs, duds: Jae Crowder scores game-high 6 3-pointers

BOSTON – Here are the Stars, Studs and Duds from Boston’s 123-111 Game 1 win over the Washington Wizards in their best-of-seven series. 

STARS

Isaiah Thomas: To be effective with all that he’s dealing with from an emotional standpoint continues to amaze us all. Thomas, just 24 hours removed from his younger sister’s funeral, delivered yet another gem of a game with 33 points on 11-for-23 shooting with nine assists with just two turnovers.

John Wall: Showing he’s more than just a guard with speed who can score, Wall finished with a double-double of 20 points on 9-for-20 shooting, to go with a game-high 16 assists.

STUDS

Jae Crowder: The Celtics needed a solid complimentary scorer to Isaiah Thomas, and Crowder was that dude during a critical third quarter stretch for Boston. He finished with a playoff career-high 24 points on 8-for-14 shooting with six rebounds. 

Bradley Beal: Half of one of the NBA’s best backcourts, Beal showed a much-improved postseason perimeter game. Having shot less than 30 percent on 3’s in Washington’s first-round series with Atlanta, Beal was 4-for-7 from long range which was part of his team high 27 -point game. 

Al Horford: Once again Horford flirted with a triple-double, scoring 21 points on 10-for-13 shooting, to go with 10 assists and nine rebounds with a blocked shot.  

Otto Porter Jr.: He was one of the few players for the Wizards whose plus/minus in Game 1 was positive (+3). He had 16 points on 7-for-10 shooting to go with 11 rebounds and two steals. 

Avery Bradley: The numbers don’t always tell the story when it comes to Bradley’s impact. He didn’t shoot the ball particularly well in Game 1, but he still managed to score 18 points on 7-for-20 shooting, in addition to grabbing five rebounds with four assists and four steals.

Kelly Oubre Jr.: He was a major factor in Washington’s fast start and with Markieff Morris’ knee injury, he may wind up starting Game 2. He finished with 12 points off the bench, shooting 5-for-8 from the field.

DUDS

Gerald Green: The Celtics remain undefeated with Green in the starting lineup, but his impact on Game 1 was nowhere to be found. He played just seven minutes without taking a single shot from the field. The only stat he registered was a turnover while his plus/minus on the floor was -13.

Taiwanese broadcaster had shocking call for Manny Ramirez's homer

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Taiwanese broadcaster had shocking call for Manny Ramirez's homer

A Taiwanese announcer's call outshined Hanley Ramirez's homer.

In a video that made rounds on the internet Sunday, the Taiwanese broadcaster delivered a laughable response to Ramirez's homer.

"This ball is long gone! Just like the ex-girlfriend who will never return! Home run!" the man yelled.

The hit took place a few years ago when he was in the Taiwanese league. He is now playing in Japan. But frankly, he many never have another home run as epic as that one. And he certainly won't get a call as epic as that one.

Watch the video in the tweet below.