It's not easy being Green

It's not easy being Green
February 28, 2011, 10:22 am
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By Michael Felger

My world, as defined by standard dialogue with my peers.

Comcast basketball analyst prior to Thursday:

"Watch the games, Felger. When the starting five of Rondo, Pierce, Allen, Garnett and Perkins is healthy, the Celtics are the team to beat. You just don't know basketball."

Comcast basketball analyst shortly after 3 p.m. last Thursday:

"Check that. What we meant to say was that they'll be the team to beat if they get rid of their starting center and bring in a backup swing man."

Green Teamer last Thursday morning:

"Defense wins championships, you DB. Forget what Perk does offensively. The Celts don't need it. When you focus on his offensive deficiencies, you just prove how ignorant you are when it comes to the NBA."

Green Teamer at 3:02 that afternoon:

"Well, it's obvious that Perk is a liability on offense. Can't catch. Can't finish. Puts the ball on the floor. Why do you think Big Baby finishes games? Perk's offense was killing them."

Gary Tanguay, Greg Dickerson, Cedric Maxwell, et al, at any time from 2008 through 2010:

"Shaquille O'Neal is washed up, Felger. Out of shape. Can't stay healthy. More concerned with reality shows than winning games. He brought Phoenix down. He got in the way of LeBron in Cleveland. The Cavs were actually better off when he was on the bench. Can't you see that, Mr. Basketball? The Celtics are about 'team.' Not individuals. Ubuntu. Not that you would know anything about that."

Dicker-guay on Aug. 4, the day the C's signed O'Neal:

"This signing makes sense only because Shaq is going to be a role player. It's not his team. It's not even his position. He's going to have to accept playing behind Perk. That's why it will work."

Max-erson on Thursday afternoon:

"Who needs Perk. We've got Shaq."

Wyc Grousbeck (through the lips of any given Celtics analyst) all summer:

"If we had Perk for Game Seven in L.A. last year we would have had Banner 18."

Grousbeck (through the Green Team filter) today:

"Perk's importance has been overblown that game. Derrick Fisher hit a big shot. Some calls went against us. We didn't play well as a team. Perk wouldn't have made a difference. But our new backup wing player will."

Green Teamer all season:

"LeBron and the Heat don't scare us, you idiot. We've beaten him all three times this year. He's never beaten us in the playoffs. Why would we worry about him?"

Green Teamer following the Carmelo Anthony trade to the Knicks last week:

"Interesting move, but the Knicks are a long way from being a threat. No single perimeter player can beat us."

Green Teamer today:

"Jeff Green gives us something we haven't had since James Posey was here. We miss Tony Allen. Look at the matchups. You have to get out of the East before you get to the Finals. Pierce needs help defending Carmelo and LeBron. And don't forget Turkoglu and Joe Johnson. This was our biggest need."

Doc Rivers to Kobe Bryant on August 23:

"The Lakers still have not beaten our starting five. Our starting five against the Lakers starting five has a ring. Tell him dont forget that. We will be back strong and Perk will be there next year if theres a Game Seven."

Doc today:

"Um . . . Ah . . . Well . . . "

Dickerson this morning:

"I've got that dry cleaning for you, Doc. I'll have it over just as soon as drop Danny's off."

Tanguay this morning:

"Great trade, Wyc. I should be done waxing your car by this afternoon."

Max this morning:

"How are the Bruins working out for you, Felger? Enjoy the first round!"

Like I said: My world.

E-mail Felger HERE and read the mailbag on Thursday. Listen to him on the radio weekdays, 2-6 p.m., on 98.5 the Sports Hub.