Canceled rookie symposium means more NFL trouble

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Canceled rookie symposium means more NFL trouble

By Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

Yesterday the NFL canceled its first official event, the annual rookie symposium, because of the ongoing lockout.

The summit is important; new pros learn about money management, PEDs, and other facets of the NFL lifestyle.

Canceling the event could have dire consequences.

In light of what Ray Lewis said this week about current pros committing crimes because they have nothing else to do, we should all fear for these rookies. Apparently, NFLers can't handle life without having handlers and structure. What will happen to these young men without any guidance?

WGS has created a Top-5 Mock Draft of Doom to clue people into the gravitas of the coming weeks.

1. CAM NEWTON HAS MONEY TROUBLE

The 1st overall selection of 2011 really could have used financial advice.

"My dad said he'd take care of my accounts for me," a distraught Newton says. "How am I bankrupt before the season even starts?"

2. JAKE LOCKER OUT"DOES" ANTONIO CROMARTIE

The Titans first round selection impregnates 12 different women. When asked about the absurd amount of children he's fathered, Locker says, "Look at me! I'd never get chicks if I wasn't an NFL quarterback."

"After the draft, there were about a million women who wanted to get with me. I got kind of excited about all the attention, I guess, and without the symposium I didn't know how to handle it. But, clearly, I don't get too excited when it matters. Amirite?" he laughs. He and Cromartie become best friends. Their kids play together all the time.

3. PATRICK PETERSON MISINTERPRETS THE RULES

Peterson, selected 5th overall by the Cardinals murders five wide receivers. Not on the field, but like, for real. With some blunt object or his bare hands or something. The cornerback is shocked when taken into custody by police.

"I know it's against the law to kill people," Peterson says in interrogation. "But I thought the league's conduct policy was different. Isn't Goodell the only guy I have to listen to?"

4. PATRIOTS FALL FROM GREAT HEIGHTS

Nate Solder, Ras-I Dowling, Shane Vereen, Stevan Ridley, Ryan Mallett, Marcus Cannon, Lee Smith, Markell Carter and Malcolm Williams all get busted for possession of marijuana. Each player is caught somewhere in Massachusetts with exactly one ounce of cannabis. They all say exactly the same thing: "An ounce is LEGAL in this state!" and they're right.

However, Goodell notes the personal conduct violations. When the season resumes, the Commissioner fines, suspends and sends to counseling those players who made the team. All feel "hoodwinked".

5. MUHAMMAD WILKERSON MISHANDLES THE MEDIA

One week after the symposium is cancelled, Azteca Deportes broadcasts a sex tape depicting Wilkerson and Inez Sainz.

According to the Jets first rounder: "She just showed up at my apartment! She said she really, really likes the Jets and wanted to show me how much she really, really likes the Jets."

Why wasn't he thrown off by the camera crew? "She's a journalist!" Wilkerson says. "She said they go with her wherever she goes. How am I supposed to know what's wrong if nobody tells me?"

Morning Skate: Another setback for Flyers top pick Nolan Patrick

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Morning Skate: Another setback for Flyers top pick Nolan Patrick

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading, while wondering what Melissa McCarthy is going to do now that Spicey is gone.

*The debut for Philadelphia Flyers top pick Nolan Patrick has been scratched due to “an infection in his face.” Boy, this kid can’t get healthy, can he?

*Detroit Red Wings coach Jeff Blashill is 100 percent sure that the Winged Wheels will be making a return to the playoffs this season.

*PHT writer and FOH (Friend of Haggs) Jason Brough has hope returning to the city of Houston that they might get an NHL franchise one of these days.

*Travis Yost delves into shooting percentage and some of the nuances when properly trying to break it down statistically.

*There are new season ticket charges for Habs fans in Montreal, and boy are they pissed off about it. Feels like the kind of thing that could push them to riot in the streets or flood 911 emergency lines if the Canadiens aren’t too careful about it.

*Young Blues defenseman Colton Parayko signs a five-year deal with St. Louis to avoid salary arbitration while the D-man taken exactly one pick before him by the Bruins in the draft, Matt Grzelcyk, is going to be hard-pressed to move past the AHL level this season.

*For something completely different: What would Ivan Drago have been doing with his life after his showdown with Rocky in Mother Russia?

 

 

Bean: Nobody should ever compare Love Actually to the Warriors

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Bean: Nobody should ever compare Love Actually to the Warriors

I’ve never met Jemele Hill. I think she and Michael Smith are great and I completely respect her bravery in voicing the unpopular (but correct) opinion that “Bad and Boujee” is good, but not great. This isn’t about Jemele Hill. It’s about a question she asked and an attempt to answer it. 

Hell no it is not. Know why? Because the Warriors are awesome. Know what’s not awesome? Love Actually. 

All that these two things share is that they’re both loaded with stars. The Warriors have Steph, Draymond, Klay and Durant. Love Actually has Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Billy Bob Thornton, a child who kind of looks like Satan, etc. They’re both loaded. 

Yet the Warriors won and there is no debating their greatness. There is absolutely debating Love Actually’s greatness, since it isn’t great.  

It’s at this point that I should disclose that Pete Blackburn and I had a collective two-hour meltdown about all the reasons why Love Actually is terrible. There were lots. That’s why it took two hours. 

Here are some things about the Warriors:

- They won their second NBA title in three years. 

- They went 16-1 in the postseason. 

- Steph Curry made 56 more three-pointers than anyone else in the playoffs.  

- They led the NBA with 115.9 points per game. 

Here are some things about Love Actually:  

- The movie starts with a weird 9/11 reference. 

- Casual homophobia is rampant. 

- A widower gets mocked for his sexual inactivity very recently after his damn wife died. 

- The movie likely birthed thousands of eating disorders. 

- A guy decides to cross his best friend and make a run at that guy’s wife just so he can break it off immediately. The much coveted lose-lose-lose to ensure a weird life for everyone. 

- Somebody whose job it is to be a people person sexually harasses every woman in his office. 

- The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has a woman fired because he wants to have sex with her. 

- The writer whose wife cheats on him storyline is literally the most boring thing in the history of the world. It makes The Steps of Knowledge in “Legends of the Hidden Temple” look like “Mad Max: Fury Road.” 

So no, Jemele Hill, “Love Actually” is not the Golden State Warriors of romantic comedies. Know what is? “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” That movie also has a loaded cast (and a better one, at that) with outstanding execution. 

Steph Curry is Cal. Six teams passed on him, but he made them rue the day. Draymond Green is Jacob, as he pulls a lot of stunts but he’s as lovable as lovable gets. Kevin Durant is David Lindhagen: He’s got his detractors, but he’s what makes the team the best. 

Love Actually stinks.