By Mary Paoletti
Yesterday the NFL canceled its first official event, the annual rookie symposium, because of the ongoing lockout.
The summit is important; new pros learn about money management, PEDs, and other facets of the NFL lifestyle.
Canceling the event could have dire consequences.
In light of what Ray Lewis said this week about current pros committing crimes because they have nothing else to do, we should all fear for these rookies. Apparently, NFLers can't handle life without having handlers and structure. What will happen to these young men without any guidance?
WGS has created a Top-5 Mock Draft of Doom to clue people into the gravitas of the coming weeks.
1. CAM NEWTON HAS MONEY TROUBLE
The 1st overall selection of 2011 really could have used financial advice.
"My dad said he'd take care of my accounts for me," a distraught Newton says. "How am I bankrupt before the season even starts?"
2. JAKE LOCKER OUT"DOES" ANTONIO CROMARTIE
The Titans first round selection impregnates 12 different women. When asked about the absurd amount of children he's fathered, Locker says, "Look at me! I'd never get chicks if I wasn't an NFL quarterback."
"After the draft, there were about a million women who wanted to get with me. I got kind of excited about all the attention, I guess, and without the symposium I didn't know how to handle it. But, clearly, I don't get too excited when it matters. Amirite?" he laughs. He and Cromartie become best friends. Their kids play together all the time.
3. PATRICK PETERSON MISINTERPRETS THE RULES
Peterson, selected 5th overall by the Cardinals murders five wide receivers. Not on the field, but like, for real. With some blunt object or his bare hands or something. The cornerback is shocked when taken into custody by police.
"I know it's against the law to kill people," Peterson says in interrogation. "But I thought the league's conduct policy was different. Isn't Goodell the only guy I have to listen to?"
4. PATRIOTS FALL FROM GREAT HEIGHTS
Nate Solder, Ras-I Dowling, Shane Vereen, Stevan Ridley, Ryan Mallett, Marcus Cannon, Lee Smith, Markell Carter and Malcolm Williams all get busted for possession of marijuana. Each player is caught somewhere in Massachusetts with exactly one ounce of cannabis. They all say exactly the same thing: "An ounce is LEGAL in this state!" and they're right.
However, Goodell notes the personal conduct violations. When the season resumes, the Commissioner fines, suspends and sends to counseling those players who made the team. All feel "hoodwinked".
5. MUHAMMAD WILKERSON MISHANDLES THE MEDIA
One week after the symposium is cancelled, Azteca Deportes broadcasts a sex tape depicting Wilkerson and Inez Sainz.
According to the Jets first rounder: "She just showed up at my apartment! She said she really, really likes the Jets and wanted to show me how much she really, really likes the Jets."
Why wasn't he thrown off by the camera crew? "She's a journalist!" Wilkerson says. "She said they go with her wherever she goes. How am I supposed to know what's wrong if nobody tells me?"