Boston Red Sox

Brooks Laich has Aver-abies


Brooks Laich has Aver-abies

By Jon Fucile

When the Washington Capitals stop celebrating the fact that they DIDNT choke and actually made it by the New York Rangers, forward Brooks Laich should probably see a doctor.

According to the ever reliable, always honest and upstanding Sean Avery, Brooks Laich bit him at some point during the series.

There are just some things you don't do. You can punch a guy. Face wash a guy. Call a guy's mom a fat woman of loose morals. But you don't bite! That is over the line. Or something. Who knows.

If youre going to bite someone, just make sure it is not Sean Avery. Averys skin is lousy with infectious toxins! Mr. Laich has no idea what he has brought upon himself.

By now he probably has a fever. His skin feels like it is moving. He has weird thoughts running through his brain.

Suddenly he feels like he has no talent and wants to wear women's underwear. He has the urge to wave his hand in front of his coachs face when he is drawing up players at practice. If Laich sees a picture of Dion Phaneuf he instantly becomes annoyed.

Brooks Laich.has caught Aver-abies. There is currently no known cure. Laich will soon be a giant douche for the rest of his life. Hell suck at hockey and everyone will hate him. And those are some of the better symptoms.

Poor, poor Brooks Laich. Heres what you can expect to be like over the next couple weeks as the Aver-abies take over.

First, youll lose the desire to play hockey. Youll be at your local super market and pick up the latest issues of Cosmo and Vogue. Youll go home and draw sketches of dresses you want to design. Then youll stop showing up to practice and apply to be an intern for Teen Vogue magazine.

Soon after Brooks will have the urge to wear terrible, awful fashion accessories everywhere. The worst will be the giant sunglasses that hell wear anytime of day, regardless of the weather. Hell take pride in looking like a giant idiot.

After he gets a pair of the most ridiculous sunglasses he can find, Brooks will suddenly hate having anything that somebody else has not already had. New pair of pants? Nope, Brooks doesnt want that. Great looking steak dinner? If someone else has not already taken what they want from it, get it out of here!

Brooks will officially enter the Sloppy Seconds phase of his infection.

Hell go through the trash looking for food people threw out.

And try to date all of Averys ex-girlfriends.

Finally, Mr. Laich will develop a hatred for fat people, especially fat people named Martin. Hell taunt them any time he sees them. Hell call them names in front of their friends. Hell break rules to humiliate them.

Then the transformation will be complete. Brooks will be one of the biggest pieces of crap in history.

Abandon all hope Brooks Laich. Youre infected. Just give up now.

Eduardo Rodriguez's delivery wasn't the same after knee injury, until recently


Eduardo Rodriguez's delivery wasn't the same after knee injury, until recently

BALTIMORE — If you suspected Eduardo Rodriguez’s knee created a residual effect with his mechanics as he struggled in the second half, you were correct. 

It was here in Baltimore on June 1 that Eduardo Rodriguez hurt his right knee, suffering another subluxation, which he’s prone to. Once he came back — a month and a half later, after the All-Star Break — his performances didn’t match the competency he’d shown pre-injury.

Through the first nine starts back, Rodriguez had a 5.47 ERA. He appeared clearly outside of the playoff rotation picture.

The last three outings have left a different impression, and are a product of improved mechanics. The Red Sox feel Rodriguez is lifting  right leg, his lead leg, higher now.

“I think Eddy’s regained more confidence physically over his last three starts,” pitching coach Carl Willis said. “We’ve seen a better delivery. Really since he had come back the injury here, a little bit of abbreviated leg lift. He finally got a little more confidence in picking that knee up and getting a little more drive from his lower half. I think that’s made a huge difference. He’s using his changeup more which is also a huge difference, but I think that lower half has allowed him to do that.”

Rodriguez has a 2.55 September ERA. He has strikeout ability that could be appealing in a postseason setting, but he’s young and inexperienced compared to Rick Porcello and Doug Fister. The fact he’s had confidence issues with his delivery could factor into how the Sox decide their playoff rotation, but his upside and strikeout potential are undeniable.

Rodriguez had a knee subluxation in 2016 that affected his mechanics for a time as well.

Branch on reduced role vs. Saints: "Ask Bill"


Branch on reduced role vs. Saints: "Ask Bill"

FOXBORO - If Alan Branch is worried about his spot with the Patriots, he isn’t acting that way. A notorious slow starter, Branch played just six snaps in Sunday’s win at New Orleans. And to hear him talk, it’s business as usual.

“It’s not like you can practice 3 technique on a store clerk,” said Branch late Wednesday afternoon. When informed that he probably could if he wanted, Branch smiled and noted “you’d probably get arrested for that.”

All kidding aside, it was stark to see Branch’s ample behind stapled to the bench. He earned a two-year contract this offseason, and his presence on the interior has been critical to the defense’s success. But after getting pushed around a bit too often in that opening night loss to the Chiefs, Branch spent a lot more time watching then playing. Did he know that he wasn’t a big part of the plan?

“That’s another question you gotta ask Bill, man” said Branch. “That’s not something I can talk about.”

Branch has - at times - come off as nonchalant about the game. Wins, losses, big plays, no plays, none of it seems to change his demeanor. Knowing that, I asked him if he was frustrated by his lack of playing time.

“I mean every player wants to be on the field so it is what it is,” he responded. 

Does he think that he’ll be more involved Sunday against the Texans?

“I don’t know what they plan to do with me,” he said. “i just need to go in there and keep my head to the grindstone and work.”

That may be Bill Belichick’s plan: sitting the player to motivate him. It would also seem to be potentially the last resort, and with someone who clearly marches to the beat of his own drum, it’s unclear how he’ll respond.