By Jon Fucile
Here on Wicked Good Sports we not only educate you on awesome sports topics but we also like to make your knowledge antennas tingle with sweet history lessons as well.
The Boston Bruins are facing off against the Vancouver Canucks in the Stanley Cup finals, and if youre like most people, you probably know next to nothing about Canada or this city. All you know is that Canada keeps Americas head warm and that the reason it always rains in Seattle is because Vancouver residents constantly cry about everything, in true Canadian fashion.
On that note, we thought wed give you a little history on the city to help you better understand this weird, weird city and the people that live there.
The city was founded by a couple of soulless ginger twins back in... well, no one knows because no one cares.
The city was initially discovered during a Swedish diving expedition involving the twins. The Swedes discovered the city under 200 feet of tears.
You see, there once was a tyrant named Colin Campbell who had a son name Gregory who live in a rival city and the citizens of Vancouver would often needlessly cry about conspiracy theories and say Colin was biased against them before any meetings between the two sides even happened.
By their nature, the citizens of Vancouver are a skittish bunch, easily frightened. They often fake injuries and run at the slightest sign of conflict to protect themselves, often hiding behind the native Zebras that roam the icy plains of Vancouver.
When grazed, the citizens of the city often fall immediately to the ground like they have been shot.
Their citizens also have ferocious appetites and have been known to feed on human flesh if they go more than 20 minutes without eating.
Despite evidence, citizens of the city will claim that no cannibalism took place and that any who thinks it did is an idiot.
They have a long history of letting greasy haired Jersey Shore looking men try to keep the peace however oddly enough throughout their history these very same peace keepers end up slipping on their greasy hair in big moments and choke or find the nearest bench and just sit there.
"Let your sooooooooooooooul gloooooooooooooooow," you greasy jerk.
The citizens go back and forth between wanting to impeach their greasy peace keeper and building monuments of his slicked back hear to honor him. He does do charity work, however, and lets the homeless citizens sleep under his nose whenever it rains.
These are just a few of the quirks this fine city has. Here at WGS, well be sure to keep teaching you how lame Canada is.