Breaking down Larry's letter


Breaking down Larry's letter

Everyones talking about Larry Lucchinos letter to Red Sox fans, so I figured Id have some fun with it. And by have some fun, I mean be mean and sarcastic.


Dear Season Ticket Holder:

Ooh, very intimate.
As we cross the midpoint of our 2012 season, we thank you for your loyal support thus far. We met many of you at our new spring home, JetBlue Park at Fenway South, and renewed more acquaintances as we opened the 100th Anniversary season at Fenway Park.

Wow. Major upset! It took him 42 words to mention the 100th Anniversary. I had 12 in the office pool.
We sensed that the nostalgia touched you, and we hope to continue to celebrate this special anniversary from time to time throughout the year.

Hmm, this a little creepy. Ok, Season Ticket Holder, now show us on the doll where nostalgia touched you.
Our play on the field has at times tested the mettle of the faithful. It could be maddening one day, enthralling the next day. Along the way, we have seen our bullpen gel, young players emerge, and veterans lead.

He had me until veterans lead. Was that just a throwaway line, Larry? Did you need that third article and think: Aw, what the hell? Lets just say veterans lead! If so, its too bad because it takes away from the message and the fact that the first two things are actually true.
We have watched the team coalesce into a close group. Personalities are enhancing the chemistry, such as the cheerful Cody Ross, the friendly Mike Aviles, and the inspiring story of Daniel Nava.

Cheerful and friendly? Larry, you can do better than that. Especially for two guys as gritty as Aviles and Ross. Friendly and cheerful are good words for the girl who walks around Fenway balancing the case of Poland Springs on her head, or John Henry after a couple glasses of Chardonnay. Not two tough-as-nails baseball players.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia has shown power, in the clutch, worthy of an All-Star. And as the talented Will Middlebrooks forced his way into the lineup, we bade farewell, with gratitude, to Kevin Youkilis, who helped us win two World Championships.

Not sure why it bothers me so much when people refer to Kevin Youkilis as having helped Boston win two World Championships. I mean, the guy did enough for this city on his own merit to get credit for crap he didnt really do. (i.e. contribute in the 2004 playoffs.) But whatever. Not a big deal. Thats in the past. We already bade farewell.
The one constant on the field has been our beloved Big Papi, David Ortiz. How thrilled we were that our gregarious leader reached the 400-home run plateau in a career that we hope will forever be with the Red Sox.

Vintage Lucchino. Over-the-top to the point of insincerity. "What? What do you mean Big Papi doesnt like the way we treat him? Didnt he see my letter to the Season Ticket Holders?!"

The one constant off the field is that we have had a veritable All-Star Team on the disabled list. As we begin the second half, we look forward to the return of the varsity, including Jacoby Ellsbury, Carl Crawford, Andrew Bailey, and the ever-dirty Dustin Pedroia.

Hmm . . . whats a good adjective I can use for Dustin Pedroia . . . lets see, Ive already used friendly, cheerful and inspiring . . . Ive used clutch, talent and gregarious. Oooh, how about ever-dirty? Oh yes. Thats it. Youve done it again, Luchhino! Muahahahah!"
While this infusion of such talent in late July may make other General Managers green with envy . . .

Oh yes, Im sure there are tons of GMs out there thinking: Aw man . . . Cheringtons getting back a 31-year-old, out-of-shape outfielder who needs Tommy John surgery and a closer who will be hurt again in two weeks . . . no fair!
. . . you can be sure that Ben Cherington and his Baseball Operations Staff will approach the July 31 trading deadline with their tireless work ethic.

Which I will undermine with weasel-like weaseliness . . ."
If someone can further help this club, and if the deal makes sense, we will be aggressive. We want to play October Baseball this year.

Good news, guys. The Red Sox are only going to make a trade if it helps the team and makes sense. And some good news for you, Larry. The last game of the regular season is on October 3. October Baseball, baby!

But on a serious note, I think the key phrase from this section is makes sense. Because I have a feeling that what might make sense to people who actually care about this team, might not be what makes sense to Larry Lucchino.
Meanwhile, as you come to Fenway Park throughout this season, we hope you will come earlythe secret to fully enjoying a sports venue.

Enough about the playoffs . . . lets get to the good stuff!
Now A Living Museum, Fenway Park probably leads the league in bronze plaques and commemorative displays along the concourses.

Enjoy them at your leisure early . . .

Don't you just know that Larry pronounces "leisure" in way that rhymes with "pleasure."
. . . well before the escalation of excitement as game time approaches. And as always, if you have reactions, suggestions, or ideas that will make the ballpark experience even better, we invite you to send them to

Dear, I have one reaction, one suggestion and one idea.Reaction: Horror, at the sight of what ownership has done to this team.Suggestion: Fenway Sports Group should sell the Red Sox.Idea: Fenway Frank "Pigs in a Blanket"

By the way, if were in your neighborhood for a visit during Acts of Kindness Month this month, please come over and say hello. We enjoy listening to you, and we enjoy talking baseball with you. Were your biggest fans. So, on behalf of John Henry . . .

Who's currently reading over my shoulder.

. . . Tom Werner

Who's currently napping.

. . . our partners

LeBron James and Liverpool F.C.
. . . and our entire organization

Except for Wally. He says to go screw.
We thank you again, and we look forward to seeing you at Fenway Park.

But even if you don't come, we're still going to tell everyone that you did.
Keep the Faith,

And buy a brick!
Larry Lucchino

and Rich Levine

Rich can be reached at Follow Rich on Twitter at http:twitter.comrich_levine

Morning Skate: Brian Boyle embroiled in trade rumors

Morning Skate: Brian Boyle embroiled in trade rumors

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading while enjoying Hockey Day in America. 

*Brian Boyle is the subject of trade rumors with the Tampa Bay Lightning, but he wants to stay a member of the Bolts. 

*Watch out for the Florida Panthers, who swept the road trip through California and are now back in playoff position for the first time in a long time. 

*It’s great to see play-by-play man Dave Strader back in the broadcast booth doing what he does best after his cancer diagnosis. 

*Hats off to the Bruins ECHL affiliate, the Atlanta Gladiators, for the sweet-looking Boba Fett sweaters worn during this weekend’s Star Wars night. 

*It’s pretty amazing when you’re an NHL player and a former first round pick, and you’re the one most known for being somebody else’s brother. That’s life for Dallas Stars D-man Jamie Oleksiak. 

*Interesting piece about sportswriting, politics and a couple of worlds that were destined to collide at some point. 

*For something completely different: For the 40h anniversary of Star Wars, the toys are being used to recreate classic movie scenes. 

Darrelle Revis has court date Thursday on fight claims

Darrelle Revis has court date Thursday on fight claims

New York Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis has a court date next week on criminal charges stemming from a fight after he turned himself in to police and was later released on a non-monetary bond.

Revis faces aggravated assault and other charges alleging he was in a fight with two men last weekend in Pittsburgh. He answered no questions from the media as he turned himself in Friday. He later made an initial court appearance, and his next court date was scheduled for Thursday.

Revis' attorney has said Revis was physically assaulted by a group of at least five people. He said Revis "feared for his safety" and sought medical attention, but he didn't offer details about the severity of Revis' injuries.

Police say the fight started when a man began recording a video of Revis and Revis grabbed his phone and tried to delete it. Two men say they were punched and knocked out.

The New York Jets said through a spokesman they would have no further comment on Revis' situation other than their initial statement that they were aware of the matter and had spoken with Revis. NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy said in an email to The Associated Press that the league was looking into the matter.

Attorney Blaine Jones said Saturday in a text message that while he was hired for the pre-indictment phase of the case, he would not be representing the Jets cornerback going forward.

Revis is due $15 million next season, including a $2 million roster bonus due on the second day of the new league year, March 10.

The $13 million in base salary includes $6 million in guaranteed money, which the Jets would owe him even if they decided to cut him before the deadline.

Revis had a bitter breakup with his agents last year and has no formal representation going forward.

Revis, who is from Aliquippa, was a star at the University of Pittsburgh and was drafted No. 14 overall by the Jets in 2007. He quickly established himself as one of the top players at his position - and in franchise history - while also earning the nickname, "Revis Island" for his penchant for routinely shutting down opposing teams' top receivers. He is in his second stint with the Jets.


For more NFL coverage: and