A Texans Guarantee?

978937.jpg

A Texans Guarantee?

Over the last few days, theres been a ton of conversation both locally and nationally surrounding a recent column by the Boston Globes Dan Shaughnessy.

In case you missed it, Shaughnessy used his space in Sundays paper to make an over-the-top guarantee about this week's PatriotsTexans game. "Pass Go and collect 200," he wrote. "The Patriots are in the AFC title game."

What happened next?

Well, for a multitude of reasons (most of which pretty much disprove the existence of God), the column went viral, somehow ended up in Arian Fosters Twitter avatar and has since become a 'round-the-clock talking point for media folks nationwide.

Of course, from a Patriots perspective, the biggest concern stemming from Shaughnessy's think piece is that it provides unnecessary inspiration and bulletin board material for a team that already has enough.

But thankfully, it seems one Houston-area writer has set out to even the score. His name is Shaughn Daniels (@shaughndaniels) and he's a columnist from the Galveston Globe. I'm not going to link to his story because Daniels clearly only wrote it to stir the pot, troll the masses and get a few cheap clicks. I don't want to support that.

But at the very least, maybe spreading his nonsense can provide a little extra motivation for the Pats, and offset whatever damage was done by the Dean Wormer of the Boston sports media scene.

Read on at your own risk . . .

Destiny Awaits Texans
By: Shaughn Daniels
Galveston Globe columnist (@ShaughnDaniels)

Houston we have a problem . . .

A NEEDING-TO-BUY-SUPER-BOWL-TICKETS PROBLEM!The 2012-13 Houston Texans have been waiting all season for this moment, and their master plan has finally fallen into place. Mark it down, gang: February 3, 2013 your Houston Texans are headed to New Orleans.Catch my drift?I mean, seriously? In the business, we call this a lock. We call this destiny. Only road games against the Patriots and Broncos stand between Houston and their first-ever Super Bowl appearance? Thats right, Texans fans. Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around, because thats what its all about. The Promised Land.Isnt it?My point is that theres no chance in hell that the Texans lose to the new-age choke artists on Sunday. The Patriots? Ha! What is this 2005?! NOT. The days of New England coming up big when it matters most are over. Anyone can see that. Do you know what I mean?

The regular season is well and good, my friends. But lately, when the Patriots get to the playoffs, they end up going directly to jail. They don't pass GO. It's not a race. It's not a chase. They don't hurry up and feed their face. They lose. They lost to the Giants, they lost to the Jets, they lost to the Ravens, they lost to the Giants. They've lost four playoffs games in the last five years, and guess what, folks?

They were favored every time.

They choked.

That means that they will choke again. You dig? You don't need a PHD from Rice to know how predictable sports are. And this one is about as predictable as they come.

The Pats don't have a chance.

You feel me?

It's THAT easy.

NFL playoffs?

The Texans are going to win!

First of all, because Bill Belichick is one of the most fraudulent coaches in NFL history. Let's see how he would have done with David Carr under center, right? I mean, did you see what happened the one year he didn't have Brady? HE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. Fraud.

Oh yeah and can this guy even coach defense anymore? Have you seen the Patriots 'D' this year? I know I haven't (Confession: I fell asleep in the first quarter of that Monday nighter). Still, New England's defense is weaker than a one-sentence paragraph. More useless than a rhetorical question. Seriously, can you imagine anything worse than the Patriots secondary?

Maybe Stevan Ridley. Or as I call him "Mr. Dropsies."

Ridley fumbles every single game. He'll obviously fumble on Sunday. And when he does, I guarantee the Texans recover. This time, I guarantee it's going to be different.

There's no way that the Patriots can contain Arian Foster and JJ Watt again. It's literally impossible. The Pats won't know what hit them. They know they got lucky last time. We all know they did.

This is the match-up the Texans have been waiting for. This is how it was always supposed to go: Lose to the Pats. Then keep losing. Just enough to guarantee a rematch and lure them into a false sense of security. It's the same move the Jets pulled two years ago and you saw how well that worked. THIS IS THE EXACT SAME THING.

The Texans have spent the last month playing dead in the weeds, while the fraudulent Patriots who haven't won a Super Bowl in eight years, and have a quarterback who's getting older and slower and less effective every week have predictability spent the time building up false expectations. Am I the only one who sees this?!

Of course not.

It's not even up for debate.

And neither is that fact that after dispatching of the pathetic chokers in New England, the Texans will cruuuuise past the Broncos. Why?

Um, have you forgotten Week 3?

Texans 31, Broncos 25, IN DENVER.

There's now way that kind of regular season dominance doesn't transfer into the playoffs. It always does! The Texans will show up at Mile High and pick up right we're they left off.

But first, they have to make a quick stop in Foxboro.

I'll see you in New Orleans.

Shaughn can be reached at shaughndaniels@gmail.com. Follow Shaughn on Twitter at http:twitter.comshaughndaniels

(And Rich can be reached at rlevine@comcastsportsnet.com. Follow Rich on Twitter at http:twitter.comrich_levine)

Brady to Amendola on Facebook: 'Paddle's fixed. Time for a rematch!'

patriots-brady-amendola-120615.jpg

Brady to Amendola on Facebook: 'Paddle's fixed. Time for a rematch!'

When Danny Amendola told the world on Tuesday that he's better than Tom Brady at ping pong, the quarterback must have been listening. 

On his Facebook page, Brady published a snarling image of his face Photoshopped onto the body of a table tennis player. That paddle he broke after losing to Amendola three years ago? It's fixed, Brady explained in the caption. And he's ready for a rematch.

Talk about intimidation.

Wilfork embracing modeling, tells Brady to put him in touch with Gisele's people

wilfork_brady.jpg

Wilfork embracing modeling, tells Brady to put him in touch with Gisele's people

Vince Wilfork will be one of many well-known athletes to strip down and pose nude for photographs in ESPN The Magazine's's Body issue, joining a group that includes Cubs pitcher Jake Arrietta, Broncos defensive end Von Miller and Heat guard Dwyane Wade.

Judging by his latest tweet, the former Patriots defensive lineman -- who is listed at 325 pounds -- is getting pretty comfortable with the idea of becoming a model.

Now it's up to Tom Brady to play match-maker, it seems. Gisele retired from the runway last year so maybe her people are on the lookout for some new talent.

Belichick: Buddy Ryan a father to 'a great football family'

Belichick: Buddy Ryan a father to 'a great football family'

Bill Belichick released a statement on Buddy Ryan's passing Tuesday afternoon. 

"Today is a sad day in football due to the passing of Buddy Ryan," Belichick said. "It was always very challenging to compete against Coach Ryan, who was father to a great football family that carries on his coaching and defensive tradition. My condolences are with the Ryan Family."

Belichick is certainly very familiar with Ryan's legacy and the tradition Ryan passed down to his sons Rex and Rob. The Patriots coach has competed against all three.

Rex Ryan has squared off with Belichick during his time as head coach for the Jets (2009-14) and Bills (2015-present), and their matchups go back to Rex's days with the Ravens (1999-2008) when he was a defensive line coach and then defensive coordinator.

Rob Ryan, like his brother, got his first NFL break when his father was the head coach of the Cardinals in the mid-1990s. His second break, though, came from Belichick. He joined the Patriots staff during Belichick's first year as head coach in 2000 and coached linebackers for four seasons in New England. He has since competed against Belichick as a defensive coordinator for the Raiders, Browns, Cowboys and Saints. Rob joined Rex in Buffalo this year to serve as an assistant on the staff there. 

For Belichick's thoughts on the impact of Buddy Ryan's famous "46" defense, we dug up some of his comments from a 2012 press conference that you can find here. He called the combination of Ryan's scheme and the talented players Ryan had at his disposal as defensive coordinator of the 1985 Super Bowl champion Bears "pretty unblockable."