Ray of Insanity

There are only four days left until the Super Bowl, which means we only have about 100 hours to absorb, evade, laugh at andor tear our hair out at whatever the hell is going on with Ray Lewis right now.

As you can tell, I've been all over the place on exactly how to feel about Ray. First, you obviously have to respect him as a player. Ray Lewis is a guy you'll tell your children and grandchildren about. For better or worse and every which way, he's a legend.

There's also the fact that he knocked out the Pats, and took great joy in so doing, which takes away some of the luster. There's also the fact that he's pretty much full of crap. That he preaches certain things on the surface -- and does so to a truly outrageous extent -- yet has repeatedly acted in ways that contradict that in personal life.

Not coincidentally, he's also out of his mind, which is something that we've always known about Lewis but is especially true during this last run to the Super Bowl. The man's taken crazy to a whole new level, most recently by showing up to recent press conference with a hairline that had been recently and so-very-obviously been drawn on with what looks to be paint or an industrial strength Sharpie. And then, in my favorite development of the week, Sports Illustrated reported that Lewis may have been acted outside the NFL law in his recovery from torn right triceps. That reportedly led to an interesting conversation between Lewis and one of the representative for a company called Sports With Alternatives To Steroids in which Lewis was:

"Prescribed a deluxe program, including holographic stickers on the right elbow; copious quantities of the powder additive; sleeping in front of a beam-ray light programmed with frequencies for tissue regeneration and pain relief; drinking negatively charged water; a 10-per-day regimen of the deer-antler pills that will "rebuild your brain via your small intestines" (and which Lewis said he hadn't been taking, then swallowed four during the conversation); and spritzes of deer-antler velvet extract (the Ultimate Spray) every two hours."

You know, the deer spray has gotten most of the attention from this story, but I can't get enough of the holographic stickers. I just imagine him busting through the doors at his local CVS and screaming: "Where the STICKERS?!" "No, no. That won't do. I need HOLOGRAMS!"

So yeah, there's the fact that it certainly seems like he cheated to get back on the field. It was highly likely that something was up when Lewis came back so quickly from his injury, when he became the first player to ever suffer torn triceps and make it back to play that same season. And this SI report put it over the top. I mean would anyone be surprised if the Ravens win the Super Bowl, Lewis wins the MVP and then three weeks it's revealedproven once in for all that he took illegal substances? Nah.