In this age of doped up, cancer-fighting, cycling pseudo-heroes and Samoan Mormon linebackers with fake dead girlfriends, it's getting harder and harder to take anything at face value. It's damn near impossible to believe that anything is real. And here in Boston, our faith is currently being tested by a 70-year-old man and his very loose grasp of the English language.
In case you missed it, Mayor Menino is back in the news after the latest in a long line of sports-related screw ups. This time, while participating in a public trash-talking session with Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, Menino referred to Vince Wilfork as "Vince Wilcock" (while wearing a Wilfork jersey) and Gronk as "Gonk," and as usual, these mistakes have resulted in an onslaught of media coverage.
"That silly Mayor's up to it again!"
Now before we go on, I should admit that perhaps no one in the entire world has obsessed over Mayor Menino's inability to speak more than I have. Over the years, I've gone to ridiculous lengths to mock him on this blog with numerous "State of Boston Sports" addresses, a tribute to the 10-year anniversary of Mo Lewis injuring Drew Bledsoe and most recently, a break down of the 2012 NBA Eastern Conference Finals.
But right around the time of that last one, I sensed that something was up, and preluded my post with this:
Before we get to his inspirational words, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that The Mayor's latest sports take has come with a little bit of controversy. Or more, one very interesting and important question: Is there any chance hes faking it?Is it possible that he's doing this on purpose? That he and his team subscribe to the theory that there's no such thing as bad press, and have determined that there's no better way to get Menino in the headlines than by having him repeatedly screw up the names of local athletes? Personally, I think that's giving the Mayor too much credit, but crazier things have obviously happened. Who knows? Maybe it's all a hoax. Maybe he's been playing us like puppets all these years. Maybe Mayor Menino is actually a British actor named Allen. But despite all the conspiracies, I can tell you this: I want to believe it's real. So until further notice, I will.
And with that, this special announcement:
I'm sorry, but there's no way this is real. Not anymore, at least. There's no way that he continues to genuinely screw this stuff up. I mean, damn, in this latest video he's even reading from a script! So what are we supposed to believe now, that he's not only a malaprop but also illiterate?
Nah, if anything he's just a miserable actor.
Check him out right before he screws up Wilfork's name. He literally stares down at his paper, then looks directly at the camera, like he's delivering a line in an infomercial for prostate medicine:
No, Mr. Mayor. Not Wilcock. Just lies.
Time to do some soul searching and make a call to Oprah.