On Gronk and other local sports raps

On Gronk and other local sports raps
November 14, 2013, 1:30 pm
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Rob Gronkowksi released a rap video yesterday. Well, technically, it was a rapper named Uno who released a rap about Rob Gronkowski. But he did it in conjunction with the Gronkowski camp and only after receiving Gronk’s most glorious blessing. We know this because at the beginning of the song, Gronk’s voice is heard over everything, declaring:

“It’s Gronk! It feels good to be back. Get hype. I approve this message.”

The song itself actually isn’t that bad. Obviously, if you hate rap you’ll hate this, but if you like rap, at the very least, you’ve been subjected to much worse than what Uno brings to the table in “GameTime (Gronkowski)”.

Especially compared to other Boston-area athletes and sports personalities.

For instance, who could forget . . .

“My City” by David Ortiz

It’s my f**king city, people write me in for Mayor.

Pitch to me, it won’t be pretty, ask Matheny if you dare.

You take my RBI, I’ll bust ya like a dugout phone.

Start the statue MFers — Why? ‘cause this Papi’s f**king home.

Or . . .

“Patience” by Brad Stevens

I ask you please for patience, an ounce of respect and moral compass

If only for this season, screw results — embrace the process.

It won’t be easy and you might find me cheesy or be intimidated by my brain,

But believe in the team, and I’ll have you seein’ green.

Banner 18, know what I’m sayin?

Or . . .

“No. 4” by Tom Brady

It’s all for No. 4, so sick of knocking on the door.

In Zona, Indy or here at home, always left wanting something more.

You can’t touch my girl, can’t touch my hair, can’t touch my plaque at Canton

But you best give good receivers or I’ll hit you with a tantrum. Ugggggggs!

Or . . .

“Petulant Son” by Rajon Rondo

Mercurial and petulant, every name up in the books.

They try to run me outta town ‘cause they don’t understand my looks.

But when this rehabs done, we gonna have some fun; I swear I’ll really show ‘em.

Unless Danny decides to trade me or I decide to Derrick Rose ‘em

Or . . .

“Strong” by Zdeno Chara

Chara is strong! I can rap about all day long!

I raise the cup! Now I must beat you up!

Like to skate and play and slap shot all day long!

In case you might forget, Chara is strong!!

Or . . .

“Best For The Team” by Bill Belichick

Errrr, don’t question me. Errrr, don’t challenge me.

Errrr, don’t make a scene ‘cause I only do what’s best for the team.

Errrr, I sign who I want. Errrr, I cut who I want.

Errrr, I can be snide and mean, ‘cause I only do what’s best for the team.

Or . . .

“I’ll Be Missing You” by Brad Marchand

Seems like yesterday we used to rock Daisy Buchs

I set em up, you knocked the boots

So far from skating round the rink for dough

Notorious Ty, they got to know that!

Or . . .

“The Humphrey Dance” by Kris Humphries

All right, stop whatcha doin', 'cause I'm about to ruin

The ball movement and defense that ya use to.

I look funny but yo I'm makin' money see

so yo Brad why won’t you play me?

Or . . .

“Thug Life” by John Henry

Chardonnay in my cup, you know I gotta drink up.

Caviar on my plate, mmm Linda you look great.

Now bring it back to my yacht, but look out for that wet spot.

You know imma make you drool once I flip on Liverpool.

Or . . .

“Bubbilicious” by Aaron Hernandez

Who can I trust if I know I can’t trust you?

It makes so damn mad, man, all I can do is chew.

Ooh yeah, bubbilicious, you packing so much heat.

Imma chew you till I’m done and then stick you underneath the seat.


Who could forget those?

Mr. Uno doesn’t look so bad by comparison.

Follow me on Twitter: @rich_levine