Five Ways to Survive the Blizzard

Five Ways to Survive the Blizzard
February 8, 2013, 9:39 pm
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It's Friday afternoon and the snow is already falling. Although truthfully, falling might not be the right word. The snow is coming from everywhere. Up. Down. Left. Right. (B A Select Start)

Out my window at this very moment (1:41 pm), the snow hasn't quite started to accumulate, but it's definitely getting closer. (UPDATE: It's now 4:36 and the snow is most definitely accumulating). That means, despite my insistence that this was all just another scam by the local news industry, this storm is real. Winter has officially arrived.

And by now, the White Walkers have probably invaded the city and enslaved us all, but on the off chance that White Walkers don't really exist, here are five ways to pass the time while you're snowed in this weekend

1. Start working on a script for Rob Gronkowski's upcoming film project.

I started mine this afternoon. It obviously stars Gronk and Bibi Jones, and it's tentatively called: "Little Mermaid 2: A Gronk's Tale"
Scene: Gronk is sunbathing on a private beach, when Bibi Jones emerges from the water wearing a cheap mermaid costume. Her and Gronk's eyes meet.

JONES: "What's a mermaid have to do to get some action around here?"

GRONK: "Hi. My name is Rob. What's your name?

JONES: "Ariel."

GRONK: "Hi Ariel. My name is Rob. Did I hear you say something about action?"

And that's all I have for now (aside from one other scene where Ariel tells Gronk that she has crabs followed by Sebastian popping out from under a towel)

2. Brush up on the Salary Cap FAQ

In today's NBA, it's hard to have an informed opinion on potential trades and contracts unless you have a firm grasp on the salary cap. And with the trade deadline fast approaching we could all benefit from a refresher course. So that's why I recommend putting on some coffee, asking Aqib Talib for adderall and plowing through Larry Coon's legendary break down of all things NBA Cap.

Bonus: When you're done, you'll look out the window and it will already be Spring.

3. The Spring Training Prediction Game

Here's how you play:

Match the Red Sox player to his upcoming Spring Training storyline.

1) David Ortiz a) best shape of his life

2) John Lackey b) renewed spirit

3) Daniel Bard c) just happy to be back playing baseball

4) Dustin Pedroia d) not worried about the past.

5) Jon Lester e) relishing his new role

6) Shane Victorino f) something to prove

7) Clay Buchholz g) veteran presence (will also accept: "clubhouse guy")

8) Jacoby Ellsbury h) For sure one of the best pitchers in the American League and anyone who doesn't think so is an IDIOT

4. Re-Live Banner 18
After last night's CelticsLakers reunion, I wasted about an hour YouTubing footage from the 2008 Finals. Post-game interviews and celebrations. Single game and series highlight packages. Super-produced, behind-the scenes features. Everything.

You can also watch full games on there. Unfortunately, each game is broken down into 15 separate videos, but it's a small (and free) price to pay for the entertainment.

Here's a random nine-minute segment of Game 1 at the Garden:

Awesome, right? You can watch the rest of the game, and pretty much the entire series on this channel. (Thanks to keptual for all his hard work.)

5. Go to jail

Governor Patrick has issued an executive order banning vehicles on the roads after 4pm. Penalty for violating; up to 1 year in prison, 500. BostonTweet (@BostonTweet) February 8, 2013
Feeling restless? Cupboards bare? Been a while since you've felt the embrace of hairy, 300-pound hit man?

Jump in your car after 4 pm, take to the streets and wait for Governor Patrick's cavalry to round you up.

Once you get to jail, you won't be able to see a judge until at least Monday. Your family won't be able to come bail you out because that would entail driving, and that's against the law. So you're staying put.

Proceed to kick back, make new friends and eat free meals while all those suckers on the outside are stuck shoveling their driveways.

Also, be safe.

See everyone on Monday.

Rich can be reached at rlevine@comcastsportsnet.com. Follow Rich on Twitter at http:twitter.comrich_levine