It's a miserable day in Boston, but I've got some good news.
Or maybe we should just call it goodish, depending on your religion andor how little you can stand your family:
Christmas is officially one week away.
But with all the holiday goodness, comes a sense of urgency. The realization that you only have a week to do your holiday shopping. Only a week to follow through on your pre-holiday diethunger strike. ONLY A WEEK TO WRITE ALL YOUR HOLIDAY THEMED BLOG POSTS.
So I won't waste anymore time.
For the last month or so, I've been compiling holiday wish lists from various athletes and other sports personalities in the city. The question was simple: "What do you want for Christmas?" And here are the answers (which please don't anyone take seriously)
All I want for Christmas is . . .
Tom Brady: "Protection. In the name of winning ring No. 4, and preventing baby No. 4."
Rajon Rondo: "Thinking about asking for a spaceship . . . . . . Nah, I don't know. No one ever gets me anything good anyway."
Tyler Seguin: "My 21st birthday, so I can finally get a drink in this city."
David Ortiz: "Papi doesn't ask for much, man. But I think it's time to talk about another extension."
Bill Belichick: "Welllll, what I really want is . . . Yeah, right. We'll worry about the holidays when we get there. For now, I'm just focused on Jacksonville. I know they haven't won many games, but that's a competitive team down there. And if we play like we did in the first half on Sunday, we'll lose every time we play."
Kevin Garnett: "Listen. All I can tell you is that building team chemistry is just like unwrapping a present, man. I don't know if any of y'all have REALLY unwrapped a present before. But if so, you know what I'm talking about. It's like you're unwrapping and unwrapping and getting closer and closer, and then you get to the end and it's like, 'Damn, look what I got here.' Now you just want to use it and play with it. You just want to have fun. You know what I mean? Also, as for your question: I'd like a new loofa for the shower. Period point blank."
Tim Thomas: "I want to buy the world a Coke, and furnish it a firm understanding of the immediate dangers that are threatening our way of life. (Thomas' statement has been translated from Morse Code.)
Larry Lucchino: "I want the same thing that any self-respecting Red Sox fan wants a renewable Red Sox Nation membership card and the 2013 Bikini Wally calendar."
Rob Gronkowski: "Just want to get healthy and everything. And by everything I mean stuff."
Jeremy Jacobs: "I object to this question. Not as a Jewish man, but as someone who doesn't believe that people should be happy. Ever."
Alfredo Aceves: "Three live scorpions. Two slices of bread. One bottle of Tabasco sauce."
Wes Welker: "Hmm . . . how about a contract? Nah. Haha. Just kidding. No, but seriously. So are you saying that Grinch Belichick hasn't canceled Christmas yet? Haaaah. Just kidding again."
John Henry: "Hi, Rich: Thanks for reaching out. Thought it might be easier if I just responded via e-mail. To answer your question: The only thing on my mind is an English League Championship! Cheers, JWH"
(Five minutes later)
"rich, hey this is john again. totally thought you were with the british press. i meant to say world series. WORLD SERIES. please don't print that first one. please. you want headphones? you want three years39m? come on, i'll give you anything!"
Danny Ainge: "I don't really want to commit to a present yet, but let me just say that I'm looking at this thing from every angle, and there are a ton of possibilities that I'd be more than happy with. But for now I think I'll just keep my options open."
Tony Massarotti: "You know, I thought about this today. And you know what I think? In and of itself, here's the thing about the concept of presents. It just sucks! Am I right? To put another way, as a matter of fact, IT JUST SUCKS!"
Stevan Ridley: "I just want what's best for the team."
Shane Vereen: "I just want what's best for the team."
Aaron Hernandez: "I just want what's best for the team."
OK, no more Patriots.
John Lackey: "Errr. Lackey want pizza."
OK, no more anyone.