The Beli-Ocho Show, and others


The Beli-Ocho Show, and others

By Adam Hart

Chad Ochocinco wants to join forces with Bill Belichick. Maybe. This tweet isn't all that detailed. But the inference is there:

"PePe and Bill EPIC."

Epic, like The Iliad and The Odyssey, right? But people don't write epic poems anymore. People make epic TV shows. And what better model than the T.Ocho show:

The Beli-Ocho Show

Belichick: . . . Offense. Defense. Special Teams.

Ochocinco: Aw, c'mon, Bill. Nobody cares about boring answers like that. How 'bout, "Somebody tell Revis I'mma drop a No. 2 on his island -- a flyover."

Belichick: Benched.

The Brady-Ocho Show

Ochocinco: Tommy, tell me how you bagged such a fine wife?

Brady: I can't take all the credit. It was a total team effort. Everyone just did their job. Really proud of the work the guys put in to make this happen. It was tough competition, but we played well as a team to accomplish our goal.

Ochocinco: Zzzzz . . .

The BenJarvus Green-Ellis-Ocho Show

This might have a hard time catching on.

The Moss-Ocho Show

Moss: After leaving Tommyboy, I learned I can fit more than just the Earf on my shoulders. Because the Earf is a winning planet. I can fit Neptune and Pluto on there, too . . . Don't get it twisted; I don't want to carry them. They're loser planets, like the Vikings and Titans.

Ochocinco: And the Bengals! Preach on, astronomer!

Moss: The Patriots are the Earf. I want the Earf back. Give me the Earf.

The Rookie-Ocho Show

Only way this'll work is if the Patriots land Iowa defensive end Adrian Clayborn, a bona fide tough guy. The first sign of Ochocinco getting out of line, and he'll have two monstrous hands around his collar, as this Wisconsin fullback learned:

The Mesk-Ocho Show

Mesko: I speak several different languages.

Ochocinco: I changed my last name to my number -- in Spanish.

Mesko: You realize it means, literally, "eight five?" Not 85.

Ochocinco: Yeah, somebody told me that or something. But Ochenta y Cinco isn't all that cool, is it?

Mesko: Mutters Nu, dar nici nu esti.

The Hernand-Ocho Show

Ochocinco: Look, man. My last name pretty much means I need to wear number 85.

Hernandez: And my last name pretty much means I don't care.

Ochocinco: C'mon, man. No, it doesn't. I had someone look it up; it means "Son of a bold voyager."

Hernandez: Whatever, you're still not getting my number.

The Woody-Ocho Show

Ochocinco: Hey! Where'd my co-host go?! Woody? Oh, Woooooooddddyyyy?

Woodhead: Chad, I'm right here. You've been using the same joke every week. I get it: I'm short.

Ochocinco: Hahahaha. Gets funnier every time.

The Ocho-Weather Show

(contingent on the Patriots actually bringing back The Great Misser of Tackles)

Meriweather: So what, um, do we do on this show, ac' like lit'l kids?

Ochocinco: Exactly.

Meriweather: Perfect. On Halloween can we go to a hunted house?

Ochocinco: Already bought the tickets.

Meriweather: Can I wear this hat? Dons on this fashionable cap.

Ochocinco: You have one, too?!

We have a winner.

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