Barry Bonds is back!

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Barry Bonds is back!

BY Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

So youre at work, perusing some sport sites to avoid work at all costs when a headline catches your eye.

Barry Bonds due in court.

Wait what? Really!?

Barry Bonds is back in the news. Yup. Barry Bonds. You know, that guy that refused he did steroids even though there's a ton of evidence pointing the other way.

You see, Bonds is due back in court on multiple charges, including perjury. Yeah, instead of spending that time and money going after drug dealers or child molesters or buying a new ping pong table, the government is spending money charging Bonds for lying about steroids. If they were going to charge every baseball player that lied about doing steroids they'd be charging about 95 of players that played in the 90s.

Unfortunately for Bonds he told his lies before Congress and now they're super mad at him. I'm sure putting Bonds behind bars where he can't hurt anyone with his hurtful untruths will sure show him! They must be really bored in Washington D.C. if they're still wasting time with this.

Politicians lie before congress every day so it is kind of hypocritical of them to get all bitter and angry about Barry, but isnt that what congress is all about? Should be an entertaining trial!

Here's how we see it going down....

Stupid lawyer: Your honor, Barry Bands is a stupid dummy liar pants!

Judge: Obviously. Why are you wasting my time with this?

Stupid lawyer: Let me show you and the jury here some evidence your honor

Judge: No really, that isnt necessary were just wasting time and money here he obvio.

Judge: Definitely more muscle tone than Oprah, but I see your point. Can we just stop this now and.

Stupid lawyer: Id like to call a witness! I have some dude who worked with the Giants and has photographic evidence of how Bonds would inject steroids before every game!

Judge: Keep talking, Im just going to play some Xbox

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Steroid Expert, please show the court the pictures you took of Bonds in the Giants clubhouse.

Mr. Steroid Expert: As you can see here, Barry strapped a small device to his back that would pump heavy doses of steroids directly into his blood stream.

Stupid lawyer: And how would Barry react after using the machine?

Mr. Steroid Expert: Well first hed hit 7-12 homeruns and then.well, hed fly into a rage and destroy down town San Francisco. My assistant will play the video.

Judge: That just looks like a scene from Godzil.

Stupid lawyer: I know! Bonds is a monster! Id now like to call Liar McLiarpants to the stand!

Liar Mc Barry Bonds: Hey guys, what is going on? Sorry Im late, I had trouble fitting my head through the courtroom doors.

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Bonds, is it true youre an awful, awful cheater whose records should be stricken from the books and you should be tossed in jail with murderers, bank robbers and other terrible people!?

Barry Bonds: I dont like your tone.

Stupid lawyer: Confess! Confess you big headed jerk! NOW!

Barry Bonds: Youre making me angry.you wouldnt like me when Im angry.

Stupid lawyer: No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ROID RAGE!

Wow that ended poorly.

Johnson beats Mariners 6-0 for Red Sox' 6th straight win

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Johnson beats Mariners 6-0 for Red Sox' 6th straight win

BOSTON - Brian Johnson pitched a five-hitter in his first big league appearance at Fenway Park, and the Boston Red Sox stretched their winning streak to a season-high six games with a 6-0 victory over the Seattle Mariners on Saturday.

Brought up from Triple-A Pawtucket, Johnson (2-0) gave up five singles, struck out eight and walked none. The 26-year-old left-hander's only previous big league starts were at Houston on July 21, 2015, and at Toronto on April 18 this year.

Johnson became the first Red Sox pitcher to throw a shutout in his first Fenway start since Pedro Martinez on April 11, 1998. In Johnson's first start in Fenway - his fourth as a professional - he sustained a season-ending facial fracture when he hit by a line drive while pitching for Class A Lowell in 2012.

Johnson was helped by a semi-leaping catch by center fielder Jackie Bradley Jr. at the wall in the sixth, Bradley's diving grab of Nelson Cruz's sinking liner in the ninth and Bradley's game-ending running catch of Kyle Seager's drive.

Xander Bogaerts' RBI single triggered a three-run first inning and Bradley hit a two-run homer in the sixth

Shut out for the second straight day, Seattle has lost seven of eight.

Rob Whalen (0-1) gave up five runs and seven hits over 5 1/3 innings in his Mariners' debut, his first big league start since Aug. 23 for Atlanta. He is Seattle's 12th starting pitcher, the most in the major leagues.

Andrew Benintendi and Sandy Leon also had RBI singles in the first, when the Red Sox had two batters hit by pitches, two walks and two runners thrown out on the bases - Dustin Pedroia at third for the first out and Hanley Ramirez at the plate for the last.

TRAINER'S ROOM

Mariners: RHPs Hisashi Iwakuma and Felix Hernandez, both on the DL with right shoulder inflammation, threw bullpen sessions. Hernandez said he "felt really good."... LHP James Paxton (strained forearm) is set to come off the DL and pitch at home Wednesday.

Red Sox: Pedroia was back at second base after getting Friday off to rest his sore left knee and not play on a wet field. He was hit by a pitch on the right forearm his first time up and went 1 for 3. ... 3B Pablo Sandoval, on the DL with a sprained right knee, was expected to play nine innings Saturday night in a rehab assignment with Triple-A Pawtucket. Manager John Farrell didn't rule out that he could be activated next week.

UP NEXT

Mariners: RHP Christian Bergman (1-2, 6.30 ERA) gave up 10 runs and 14 hits over four innings in a 10-1 loss Tuesday at Washington.

Red Sox: RHP Rick Porcello (3-4, 4.35) has gone at least six innings in eight of nine starts.

How dominant has Craig Kimbrel been? The numbers are eye popping

How dominant has Craig Kimbrel been? The numbers are eye popping

Remember that infield hit by Jonathan Villar of the Brewers off Craig Kimbrel on May 11 in Milwaukee?

Don't worry, nobody does. That's the last hit off the Red Sox closer. That's right. One hit this month.

How dominant has Kimbrel been? Going into Saturday, right-handed hitters don't have a hit off him in their past 39 at-bats. Opponents are hitting .083 against him. Move the decimal point and 0.83 happens to be his season ERA, too, to go with 13 saves. 

Here's more via @SoxNotes:

Kimbrel, 28, has been one of baseball's best closers for years with the Atlanta Braves and San Diego Padres. His first year in Boston last season was solid with 31 saves and a 3.40 ERA, but his walks climbed (30 total and 5.1 per 9 innings, the second-highest totals of his career). He also struggled in non-save situations.

There's been no struggling lately. The last run Kimbrel gave up was a home run by Kendrys Morales of the Blue Jays in the ninth inning on April 20 in Toronto that tied the score at 1 in a game won by the Red Sox 4-1 in 10. Kimbrel got the win and his only blown save of the season.

His three-out save Friday night was his first outing without a strikeout since a one-out save April 23. That followed his four-strikeout inning Thursday night.