WickedLeaks: The Gonzalez Hoax

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WickedLeaks: The Gonzalez Hoax

By Adam Hart
CSNNE.com

A series of cables revealing the inner workings of the Adrian Gonzalez trade has been released by WickedLeaks, the preeminent publisher of confidential false documents.

Wicked Good Sports has obtained the e-mail "cable" series, and presents it to you in its original form:

FM: RDSXWNR HNRYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXTVGY

It is protocol to exclude vowels from the heading of these cablegrams, but 'sometimes Y' has always caused me to overly ponder. Discontinuance of this mode of communication may be for the best, my dears.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

John, I think now is not the sometime 'Y' is a vowel. Plus, how will we dominate the international sport theatre if we don't play the part? It's like we're professional diplomats; reminds me of using walkie talkies as a kid -- "over."

FM: RDSXWNR HNRYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXTVGY

Your imagination runs so wild, Tom. And I like it like that. The cablegrams will proceed as planned.

My bride has informed me this "Felger" has been menacing all about the radio waves, propagating suspicion of our motivation with the Red Sox portfolio. Granted, ratings have dropped where other sports have gained. I may order you to once again manufacture public interest in this portfolio.

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY

One uuuhh word: Hoax.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

Larry, you forgot to include Theo on that last cable.

Anyway, a hoax is the greatest form of a ratings booster. Remember Balloon Boy? That was television gold. But where will we find a weather balloon?

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

I have some encouraging news. Conversations to acquire Adrian Gonzalez from the Padres for prospects have reached the final stages. We will not part with any Major League talent. This is a steal, but only if we sign him to a big-money, long-term deal. Can I get you three to sign off on this?

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

Come on, Theo. Didn't you receive the memo on cable heading protocol? I've attached a copy to this cable.

But you say his name is Adrian, huh? Any relation to Adrian Beltre? It'd be great TV to use that on our season storyboard: Two brothers reunited in Boston to help defeat the Evil Empire. I'll get my writing staff on it ASAP.

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

No. Adrian is his first name; they are in no way related. And Beltre is not coming back. We talked about this.

San Diego is ready to move on if we don't give them an answer soon. Please let me know if we can commit something like 180 million to him.

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY, RDSXGM

I'd prefer ARod.

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

Really, it'd be so much easier if we could just do this in person. Or over the phone?

FM: RDSXWNR HNRYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXTVGY

Negative.

Theodore, we have monies prepared to allocate toward the payment of a premier employee. The acquisition of the Liverpool portfolio has no doubt created angst in Boston. We have foreseen the need to offset that angst with such an employee. It is my understanding that he will bring quite the return in baseball and monetary production. An asset like Mr. Gonzalez would add worth to the Red Sox portfolio. The green light has been lit remotely from Liverpool, a city with wondrous cloud cover.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXGM, RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

Signing Gonzalez would be great. I mean, we can even get ratings on Telemundo. But let's not forget about the hoax.

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

Hoax? No hoax. I'm telling San Diego the deal is on. We're flying in Gonzalez for a physical and negotiations on an extension. My phone will be off for most of Sunday. Don't do anything stupid.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

Alright guys, now that grumpy-pants is gone let's build some drama here. It's Saturday and every media outlet in New England is slobbering all over this Adrian deal. We need to extend it to Monday. That football team is hogging the stage -- MY STAGE!

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY

Easy there, uuhhh Tom. My team has leaked a uuhhh missive that negotiations have hit a uuhhh uuuhh roadblock. Fear mongering is our safest uuhhh bet. At 3pm a second uuuhh missive will inform the media we did not meet our uuhhh deadline.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

Perfect! That will be our hoax: Adrian's not coming to Boston, sorry. Then when they've all but turned on us, we win them over again by acquiring him. I can't wait to have Beltre back. Wow, Larry. You really are an evil genius.

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY

I just like to uuhhh expletive with Theo.

FM: RDSXWNR HNRYT: RDSXPRZ, RDSXTVGY

You fine gentlemen have done a bang-up job securing an increased market share for the Red Sox portfolio. My bride has gathered a few samplings of reaction to our ruse via my prefered form of communication, the Internet. What else is a bride good for, am I right?:

@MikeGiardi, @ElGuaposGhost, @Marc_Bertrand, @SI_JonHeyman

The fear has most definitely been mongered.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

And now once Theo reaches his deal we'll look heroic, like we swooped in and defeated the evil agent and his contract demands. It's almost too easy. I hope the viewers don't catch on. It'll be like a good episode of CSI.

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY

Let's take it a step uuhhh further. I'll leak that we uuhhh want to take him for a uuhhh proverbial test drive before we sign him to an extension.

FM: RDSXTVGYT: RDSXPRZ, RDSXWNR HNRY

This will drag out interest in our club even longer! "Will the Red Sox let the same thing happen with Adrian they let happen with the catcher they traded for, Pedro Martinez? No way they let another slugger walk as a free agent?"

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

Guys, what the hell is going on? I'm getting blasted all over the place for "low-balling" Gonzalez. It's like a tsunami of hate. I just got out of negotiations. We have a deal in place: 7 years, 170 million -- less than Teixeira. Why does the media think the deal is off?!

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY

Because I uuhhh told them so. I am now leaking that the trade is uuhhh complete. But it's anyone's guess if we keep ARod past this uuhhh season.

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

Larry, it's not ARod. This is Adrian Gonzalez. .29831101 last season. He's seven years younger than ARod. You lost out on him a long time ago. Get over it.

FM: RDSXPRZT: RDSXWNR HNRY, RDSXTVGY

Fair enough. But, Theo, it would be wise to not let slip a "we did it for the show" during Monday's press conference. Your life job depends on it.

From: TheoTo: JWHenry, LLucchino, ThosWerner

I seriously hate you. All of you.

When word broke Sunday that Gonzalez would not be coming to Boston after all that attention, it was easy to picture that giant Jiffy Pop floating in the sky. Without Falcon captaining it.

Garoppolo: Get the little things corrected, or they'll bite us in the butt

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Garoppolo: Get the little things corrected, or they'll bite us in the butt

 

This felt like a step backward for Jimmy Garoppolo. 

The preseason had been shaping up so nicely for him, too. He'd be able to ride the wave of momentum following his strong performance last week against the Bears, and carry that into Carolina, where he would take on a very good defense on the road. What better way to simulate what he'll see in Week 1 of the regular season in Arizona?

Then something happened. Garoppolo, who looked cool last week at Gillette Stadium, seemed rattled by the Panthers defense. The quarterback who hadn't turned the ball over all preseason very nearly gave it away twice. Whereas he made calculated risks in the red zone last week, this week there were head-scratchers in the same area. 

"Ups and downs," said Garoppolo, who beat the Panthers, 19-17, and finished the game 9-for-15 for 57 yards. "Just little things here and there we need to get corrected. We’ll take care of it."

Garoppolo's first third-down throw foreshadowed what was to come for the Patriots on third down Friday night. He threw what should have been an easy interception for linebacker Luke Kuechly when there was a miscommunication between him and receiver Julian Edelman. 

Edelman stopped and turned for a pass a few yards off the line of scrimmage. Garoppolo targeted him as though he was still moving, hitting Kuechly between the numbers at the Carolina 12-yard line.

The team started the night 0-for-7 on third down.

"It’s my fault. I can’t put it in the linebacker’s hands like that," said Garoppolo, who insisted splitting reps in practice wasn't to his detriment. "It’s just bottom line. Just got to be smart. It’s tight windows, tight throws. Just got to finish with touchdowns."

Later in the game, Garoppolo didn't recognize a Panthers pressure, he took a glancing blow from a defender and escaped the pocket. Rather than throw the football away, he tried to make a positive play and was stripped from behind by linebacker Thomas Davis. 

Patriots running back James White was there to pounce on the ball, and Garoppolo was fortunate to escape with his turnover column clean.  

Still, Garoppolo knows there are adjustments to make. In order to give the Patriots a chance to beat the Cardinals in Week 1, he'll probably have to play better than he did on Friday. 

“We’ll do our best to get in there,” Garoppolo said. “We have two weeks until then and we’ll work. There’s little things here and there. Overall, there’s some good things that we did tonight. 

"We just have to get the little things corrected or they’re going to bite us in the butt. We’re going to work our tails off to get to that point. We’ll get there.”

Running back D.J. Foster making a late push for Patriots roster spot

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Running back D.J. Foster making a late push for Patriots roster spot

CHARLOTTE – D.J. Foster began making his case to stick on the Patriots’ 53-man roster Friday night against the Panthers.

An undrafted pass-catching back from Arizona State who’d missed almost all of training camp with an unknown injury was pretty persuasive. He caught three passes for 33 yards, showing nice burst, carried twice for 9 and returned a punt for 16. He saw his action late in the third with fellow rookie Jacoby Brissett in at quarterback.

Foster punctuated his first reception – an 11-yard screen that Brissett (9-for-9 for 85 yards and a touchdown) – by lowering his shoulder and delivering a blow that Foster said he wanted to “get that adrenaline going.”

“It felt great,” said Foster. “It had been a long time. I was telling some guys, that was the first time I’d gotten hit since college. It felt good to get back out there. The coaches gave me a chance to get out there and show what I could do.”

James White will be the Patriots sub-back (or third down back or pass-catching back or whatever you want to call him) until Dion Lewis returns from his knee malady. But Foster showed the acceleration and quickness that made him such a productive player for the Sun Devils. With 222 receptions for 2,458 yards and another 2,355 on the ground, Foster would fit nicely in an offense like the Patriots that uses the short and intermediate passing game so well.  

He hasn’t had much chance to make a case to stick and the Patriots – with White, LeGarrette Blount, Tyler Gaffney, Brandon Bolden and Joey Iosefa all in the mix – may have to take their chances with releasing Foster and hoping he goes unclaimed so New England can bring him back for their practice squad. It’s a risk, but other teams are encountering the same issues at cutdown time. Do they pluck a player they passed on in the draft and put him on their roster ahead of players they’ve been working with since the spring?

Bill Belichick wasn’t effusive in his praise for Foster but did indicate it was a good opportunity to at least see him in game action.

“We played a couple of guys that haven’t gotten much playing time so we got a chance to look at them,” he explained. “D.J. is one of those so we wanted to give him a few opportunities to handle the ball because he hasn’t done it this year. I thought he did some good things. There are a couple of things that he could do a little better but we’ll look at the film and see how it goes. He did a couple of things with his chances out there.”

To make the most of those chances, Foster said he avoided getting too hyped before getting on the field.  
 
“Just keeping my calm and hearing the playcall and just doing the mechanics and all the fundamentals of being in the backfield (was the focus),” said Foster. "Coach Ivan (Fears, running backs coach) did a great job of keeping me mellow. I felt healthy, I felt really good. I got some punt returns, some kick returns, some special teams. I was seeking contact to get that adrenaline going.

“It’s a long process,” he acknowledged. “Talking to the veteran guys, they said it’s a long process. I knew battling my injury and come back healthy, I came back strong and I felt ready.”

We’ll see if it’s enough to carve out a niche on the roster. The cutdown to 75 players comes Tuesday.