By Mary Paoletti
Aw, nuts. The Lakers got bounced from the playoffs by the Mavericks this weekend. But not only do the two-time defending champions need to deal with their humiliating underachievement, they also might need to find a new coach.
Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak believes Phil Jackson is retiring. Seriously. For real this time.
"I think this is it," Kupchak told ESPNLosAngeles. "We'll sit down and talk, but I've gotten no indication that he won't retire."
I thought it was strange that SI has a "Rare Photos of Phil Jackson" feature on its website today. The guy didn't die, he's just retiring. Maybe.
What kind of weirdo, in the face of this possibility, is clamoring for Phil candids? Especially crap like...
A pic of Phil reluctantly reaching for his new baby.
A shot of Phil doing crunches in really tiny shorts.
Come on, now. I get SI's "Lovely Ladies" of Hot Clicks thing -- people like looking at beautiful women. But WHO wants to look at PHIL?
The apparent answer: somebody. And since WGS is all about supply-and-demand, we've decided to dig for some even more rare photos of the for-now Lakers coach.
The weirdos get what the weirdos want.
Both of Phil's parents were Assemblies of God ministers. Here's a photo of little Phil at his first church camp. Turns out, he was just a few bunks down from Doug Collins! What a coinkidink!
As he got older, Phil moved toward Zen and Buddhism.
He even tried to live a more modest life. Here's a photo of Phil in his purest phase of living.
It didn't take long for Phil to realize that poverty and humility were stupid. So he decided to try and squeeze profits out of idiot consumers. Here's the cover shot from his first, ridiculous book:
After his team won the 2010 NBA Championship, Phil wanted a biographical movie made about awesome he is. Unfortunately, the concept got lost in translation between Phil and the writers. Here's a shot of their first creative mock-up. It was eventually scrapped then salvaged by DreamWorks.
It's a decent start, but don't worry, we'll keep digging through Jeanie Buss' trash for more photos.
...Ya' bunch of freaks.