Who violated Ryan Fitzpatrick?


Who violated Ryan Fitzpatrick?

By Justin Aucoin

Perhaps you havent heard, but the New England Patriots violated Buffalo Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick on Sunday or so he says.

I felt like I was getting pinched and poked and prodded. I dunno, but I felt like I was violated a little bit.

Cue Dan Patrick (and the rest of us) giggling like a little school boy. Great follow up question by Dan afterwards, so the video is worth a watch.

Rumor has it Fitzpatrick was seen filing charges after the game.

And, pulling one from the Montreal police, Buffalos finest rounded up the usual New England suspects to interrogate.

But who violated Fitzpatrick? We stole -- correction -- copied, the Buffalo Police Departments investigation notes.

Suspects name: Albert Haynesworth
Height: 6-6 Weight: 350 pounds
Motive: After being ridiculed for being lazy and a locker room cancer, Haynesworth is looking to prove to himself, his family and the NFL that hes more than just a chronic planker.
Police investigation results: We were sure we had our man from the start. A guy whos been criticized and ridiculed almost every game since he entered the league surely would be frustrated that he and his team were being run over by a bunch of chumps from Buffalo we mean, future Super Bowl champs. Sadly we also noticed that the New England Patriots had filed for a missing persons report earlier that week.

Suspects name: Wes Welker
Height: 5-9 Weight: 185 pounds
Motive: Being awesome.
Police investigation results: Our initial findings were promising. Mr. Welker had 217 receiving yards on 16 catches against Buffalo. These stats surely point to Mr. Welker violating Mr. Fitzpatrick. Alas, after DNA testing our investigation concludes that Mr. Welker was merely violating the entire Buffalo defensive team and not the victim in question. Also, we couldnt catch Welker if we saddled up a cheetah. Were pretty sure hes a mutant of some kind.

Suspects name: Zdeno Chara
Height: 6-9 Weight: 255 pounds
Motive: Being tall or so says Montreal
Police investigation results: Frankly, we never thought Mr. Chara was the one who violated Mr. Fitzpatrick but the Montreal police insisted that we do a thorough investigation of Mr. Chara anyways. Our results, however, will not please our friends up north has Mr. Chara was too busy getting ready to violate the Canadiens again to have anything to do with the crime in question. Habs fans will have to go back to crying to themselves once more.

Suspects name: Logan Mankins
Height: 6-4 Weight: 310 pounds
Motive: Being big and mean with a bushy beard
Police investigation results: Our fourth suspect had to be it we thought. Mr. Mankins is big. Hes mean. Hes a big, mean ol bully. And no one with a fu mang chu mustache can be trusted! Or so we thought. When we investigated into the whereabouts of Mr. Mankins during the fourth quarter we found out that there were several reports from residents in Buffalo that Mr. Mankins was on a rampage, destroying the city. We did write him a ticket for destroying Mr. Fitzpatricks car, though.

Suspects name: Pat the Patriot
Height: 65 Weight: 200 pounds
Motive: Rebel rousing
Police investigation results: Surely Pat the Patriot couldnt have been the criminal! Hes a beloved mascot. He represents the team! But our investigation shows Mr. Patriot had no alibi at the time of the violation and he had plenty of motive. His team was on the brink of losing! He had to do something.

We also found some very incriminating evidence of Mr. Patriot:

"We knew we had our man!

Pat the Patriot was shortly thereafter arrested and charged with violating a quarterback. His hearing is in two weeks.

Haggerty: Subban looking more like a 1st-round bust than NHL goalie

Haggerty: Subban looking more like a 1st-round bust than NHL goalie

BOSTON, Mass – Malcolm Subban says that he believes that he can still be a No. 1 goaltender in the NHL.

While that’s admirable on some level for the sheer, brazen self-confidence involved in saying this after getting yanked from a 5-0 loss to the Minnesota Wild at TD Garden, pretty much all of the evidence points out the contrary. Nearly two years after getting pulled from his NHL debut in against the St. Louis Blues after giving up three goals on six shots, Subban was pulled from Tuesday night’s appearance after giving up three goals on eight second period shots with the Bruins desperately in need of a quality start in goal.

He maintained a defiantly confident tone after another humbling NHL effort against Minnesota, and that’s a testament to the maturity and mental toughness of the person behind the goalie mask.

“It sucks. Obviously, I’m just trying to finish the game, let alone win one. Obviously it sucks, but what can you do now, right?” said Subban, who has now allowed six goals on 22 career shots faced in two starts. “Obviously I want to be a number one goaltender in the league. I was a high pick for a reason. I have the potential, and I just have to show it. Obviously I haven’t done that so far yet, but I think I’m getting closer to it. Honestly, I think I can do it right now. I just got to show it. Obviously, I didn’t [do it] today, but tomorrow’s a new day.”

Given the stunningly bad quality of his two NHL starts combined with a thoroughly pedestrian body of work at the AHL level over the last three years, there is literally zero tangible evidence Subban is tracking to be a franchise goaltender. Instead he’s the emergency goaltender called on by the Bruins only after Tuukka Rask and Anton Khudobin have both been shelved by injuries, and he’s now flunked the two pop quizzes when the NHL team needed him to come through.

Meanwhile, a sizeable selection of goaltenders taken after him in the 2012 NHL Draft class have already proven their NHL worth and broken through at the elite level: Matt Murray, Frederik Anderson, Connor Hellebuyck and Joonas Korpisalo.

Subban was hoping all along to break through this season in Boston, but things went south on him quickly with a Bruins team not playing well in front of him. The first goal was a fluttering Charlie Coyle shot that trickled between his glove hand and the top of his leg pad. The third goal was a softie low and to the glove side, power play strike authored by Ryan Suter. It added up to poor goaltending and shoddy defense, but it also added up to a Bruins goaltender that didn’t even give his hockey club a chance to win.

“It could be a combination of both. There are some goals – I’m not going to lie – there are some goals that we thought our goaltenders should have had. But I’m not here to talk about a goaltender who’s in one of his first few games because he let in a couple of bad goals,” said Julien. “We were terrible in front of him and we weren’t any better, and that’s the big picture. That’s more important.

“I don’t care who’s in net. I think when you have some injuries you need to be better in those situations and we weren’t good enough tonight. It doesn’t matter if Tuukka [Rask] is in net and we had injuries up front, or we’re lacking players here or there. You’ve got to let the system take care of the game. If you play it the right way, you have a chance to win. When you don’t, you don’t. That’s what happened [against Minnesota].”

There’s no question the defense in front of Subban wasn’t nearly good enough, and Adam McQuaid and Torey Krug in particular struggled to lock things down in the defensive zone. The wide open shots from the slot - like the Chris Stewart score in the second period that arrived 12 seconds after Minnesota’s opening goal - are indicative of a hockey club that’s not sticking to the game plan once things start to get a little wonky.

But this is about a player in Subban that should be entering the NHL stage of his career after being a first round pick in the 2012 NHL Draft, and anybody would be hard-pressed to see him as an NHL goalie after failing in each of his first two NHL starts. Combine that with the lack of dominance at the AHL level over the last three years, and there’s a better chance that Subban will be a major first round bust for the Bruins rather than suddenly develop into a late-blooming No. 1 goaltender in Boston.

The scary part is that Subban and fellow young netminder Zane McIntyre are all the Bruins have for Wednesday night’s game at Madison Square Garden, and perhaps longer than that if Rask can’t make rapid progress with his lower body injury.

Maybe Subban can be a bit better than he’s shown thus far, and the four goals allowed to Minnesota were not all his fault. The bottom line, however, is that Subban should be up for doing this job right now. Tuesday was a big chance for the young goalie to make a statement that he was ready for it.

Instead he looked like the same goalie that’s been pulled from two of his first four AHL starts this season, and plays like a goaltender that’s never going to truly be ready for the call in Boston.