By Jon Fucile
After a rigorous, grueling and drunken search the Red Sox have reportedly settled on a new manager and have imported Bobby Valentine and a years supply of sushi all the way from Japan.
Many were wondering what was taking Boston so long to find a new manager but their hiring process is like no other. They had to make sure that any new manager would fit right in to the culture they have worked so hard to establish over the past few years.
Each contestant had to endure Double Dare style physical challenges as part of the interview process.
Bobby Valentine apparently schooled every other candidate according to reports. He aced disgruntled ex-manager Terry Franconas slime filled obstacle course!
He was able to bench press an ever-growing David Ortiz, complete with over inflated ego.
It must be all that healthy eating and fish in his diet over in Japan. Nice work Bobby V!
Valentine was then subjected to a drinking contest with the Red Sox club house and reportedly drank the entire pitching staff under the table, and was still able insult Josh Becketts beer belly.
Valentine was also a very willing participate in the pre-practice Chicken Chase and corresponding Chicken Cook Off in the locker room.
Perhaps most important to Red Sox management was the exceptional ability Valentine showed when he went through the thrown under the bus trials with a smile!
Reports even said that Valentine has a fool-proof plan to turn John Lackey into a respectable pitcher once Lackey returns from injury.
Oh, right. Sorry, Bobby.
Anyway, welcome to Boston and good luck whipping this sorry bunch into shape. Also, go Bruins!