By Justin Aucoin
Tiger Woods recently ruffled the feathers of the high and mighty golf tribunal by doing this:
Commentator Ewen Murray: Disgusting what he did just there. He just spat all over the green
All over the green is a bit of an exaggeration. Were pretty sure Woods would have to squeeze every drop of water in his body through his saliva glands to be able to cover the entire green. In fact, the average human outputs 0.75 to 1.75 liters of saliva per day. Thats not going to cover that green.
Suck and salve all over that, Ewen.
Best part of this story is that Woods is being fined an undisclosed amount for his loogy.
Murray: It does not get much lower than that.
Really, Murray? Spitting is as low as it gets? You need to get your priorities in order, sir.
It takes people almost losing their head before the NHL fines or suspends a player and a PGA event will fine someone for merely spitting. Maybe theyd be happier if Woods caddy brought a spit bucket for him?
Some people have complained that they wouldnt want to hit their ball through Woods spit. Well guess what, folks? Theres a 99.9 chance that some bird or squirrel relieved itself on the green already, so, if anything, his spit is sanitizing your balls.
We think Dubai is getting its undies all twisted when it should be a bit more culturally aware. Perhaps Woods is a cowboy, infamous for their bar-spitting abilities and competitions.
Maybe hes a big fan of baseball and was looking to connect with an audience born after the 19th century.
Or maybe -- just maybe -- Tiger is really a llama.
At the end of the day we the PGA needs to take a lesson from the prophet known as Ace Ventura.
This totally wins for grossest sports blog post.