Throwing stuff on the ice: Ideas for unhappy Bruins fans

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Throwing stuff on the ice: Ideas for unhappy Bruins fans

By Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

Have you heard? Leafs fans are throwing waffles onto the ice at the Air Canada Centre!

This is not a good thing.

No, as warm and delicious as waffles may be, having them hurled at your head is not as friendly a sign of affection as one might think. The following explanation comes from The Puck Doctors:

The Toronto Sun has identified a man, known as Jack M., as the culprit. Nicknamed the "Waffle Man," Jack vows to strike again if the Leafs continue to struggle on the ice.There were a few seconds left in another obviously lost Leafs game when the 27-year-old construction worker pulled out the soggy waffles he had stashed under his jersey and chucked them onto the ice of the Air Canada Centre on Thursday."They need to wake up and eat some breakfast," Jack, who asked not to be identified, said in a Saturday interview, hours ahead of the Leafs meeting with Montreal. "Im just trying to help them out with a balanced diet."The "diehard Leafs fan" said he didnt throw the waffles out of disrespect to the players, explaining, "I love them, but somebodys got to say something."

What better way to say, "Wake up!" to a professional athlete than to throw a box of Eggos at a him? My first thought was that the waffles were a symbol for the Leafs being deliberately ambiguous in their play. Wrong. My other thought went back to when Detroit Red Wings fans threw octopi on the ice in the 1952 playoffs to sympolize the number of playoff wins standing between the team and the Stanley Cup. Maybe the 41 or so little waffle cells (syrup traps) represent Toronto's projected losses for the season. Wrong again. Shows how creative I am.

This whole thing got me thinking, though. What would Bruins fans throw on the ice right now? Boston is 3-5 in in its last 8 games. The B's last outing produced a 3-0 shutout -- by the other team -- and many disgrunted Bruins fans. So what would these people throw if so inspired? Here are a few ideas.

BABY DOLLS
This might anger DHS workers somehow... something about graphically violent images that would confuse younger fans... whatever... but it could make a strong point. You guys are babies. See? Here are a bunch of them raining down on your head to illustrate the point. If fans could find dolls named Sally that pee when pressed it would be an even stronger statement. FULL BEER CUPS I'm kidding! Clearly, kidding. How crazy do you think I am?

THE OPPONENTS FANS
This is a very 'Boston' choice. The Hub's sports fans love brawling, whether during a win over the Yankees or a loss to the Canadiens. Beyond all the blue collar psychology of it there's the simple fact that Boston is great at drinking beer and beer can bring out the nasty in a person. How satisfying would, instead of just punching that annoying Canadiens fan, picking up the guy and tossing him onto the ice? Not sure about what message it would send to the Bruins but it would probably relieve some angst.

BRETT FAVRE
As long as people are getting thrown, Favre is an easy choice. The message here is simple: Nobody likes Favre but if he injures one of you guys when hurled down there then we wouldn't be that mad. And that's a problem.
VARIOUS ANIMAL HEARTS
I'm not sure how easy or difficult animal organs are to procure but the effort would be worth it. The Bruins have been flat, completely lacking emotion or desperation. What they need is heart! Get it? I figured it would at least be easier than finding complete circulatory systems to toss.

SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS
This suggestion runs in the same vein (no pun intended) as the "good breakfast" idea. Boston must not be eating well before games. They should cabro-load. Best part of this plan is that the Bruins don't need to sweep the stuff away and trash it. They should use the shovels to feed the players. So somebody wrangle Favre (again with the puns) and start cooking... the Thrashers are in town tonight.

Turner jokes that Celtics will retire his number

Turner jokes that Celtics will retire his number

It’s not the craziest thing someone has said on Twitter, but Evan Turner tweeted Monday that the Celtics should retire his number. 

It was a joke, of course, as the former Celtic was reacting to news that Isaiah Thomas had said he liked the No. 11 and would change his jersey number if so many people in Boston hadn’t already purchased his No. 4 jersey. 

After Turner joked that No. 11 was going to be retired, Thomas joked back that he would wear No. 11 as a tribute to the current Trail Blazer. 

Prior to being traded to Boston, Thomas wore No. 22 for Sacramento and No. 3 for Phoenix. 

Curran: McDaniels staying with Pats shouldn't be a shocker

Curran: McDaniels staying with Pats shouldn't be a shocker

For weeks the speculation regarding Josh McDaniels wasn't a matter of "if" but "when."

But while national media had McDaniels signed, sealed and delivered to multiple landing spots, the proposition that he'd leave at all was never a likelihood. 

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The Rams weren't attractive to him from the outset. Jacksonville didn't excite him, either. And on Monday, he passed on the 49ers opportunity. 

The lure of a blank slate in San Fran at quarterback and GM didn't outpace the uncertainty of going cross-country to work for a seemingly dysfunctional franchise that's cycled rapidly through coaches and has an unrealistic sense that it's a long, long way removed from its glory days, the only remnant remaining from that being perhaps the logo on the helmet. 

With four kids and a job McDaniels considers one of the 10 best on coaching -- head man or no -- he will stay on as the Patriots' offensive coordinator.

"I was really impressed with (Niners owner) Jed York and (team executive) Paraag Marathe . . . and the people that came from the 49ers organization," McDaniels said on a conference call this morning. "They did a great job with their presentation. Humbled to be included in that process. At this time it's just best for my family and myself to remain here in New England and focus on this year's playoffs and finish out the year however it turns out."

The same faulty speculative reasoning that had McDaniels as good as gone from the Patriots will move on undeterred today and surmise that McDaniels is staying with the Patriots because he knows, or has been promised, that he'll receive the head coaching job when Bill Belichick steps aside. 

While the Kraft family certainly thinks highly of McDaniels and that could come to pass, anyone tapping their foot and checking their watch waiting for Belichick to step down is in for a long wait. He's showing no signs of wrapping it up and, while I haven't been told directly McDaniels isn't the automatic successor, he wouldn't be taking interviews at all if he were assured that. 

What will be interesting to see is whether interest remains high in him for other jobs or the perception that he's never going to leave means teams don't bother to ask. San Fran obviously had its heart set on McDaniels. Even though Nick Caserio passed on the chance to interview with the Niners for their open GM job, the team did talk to Louis Riddick about the spot. He and McDaniels have high regard for each other. 

Between McDaniels, Caserio and defensive coordinator Matt Patricia, the people closest to Belichick on the coaching flow chart all had chances to go somewhere else and all passed on the chance. It's another example of not why the Patriots are good but why they remain good. Stability.