Team's losing? Sign some old players!

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Team's losing? Sign some old players!

By Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

The Red Sox lost yet again Tuesday night, falling to 2-9 on the season after losing to the Tampa Bay Rays. Luckily for them no one has noticed because the NHL playoffs are upon us. No? Eh, a guy can dream.

Anyway, after all those expectations, trades and millions of dollars spent on players the Red Sox are still failing hard. They're making the Pittsburgh Pirates look good.

Obviously changes need to be made despite the 151 remaining games. Seriously, look at the Sox record. No team has ever won the 2011 World Series after starting 2-9. Those are just the facts.

So what can be done? More practice? Meh. It is baseball. If you're standing around doing nothing right now you're practicing playing baseball.

Simply wait for the team to get their shi.... ummmm... stuff together? Psh. Patience? In Boston?!!? Poppy cock! You silly goose. Patience, ha.

Nope. The Red Sox decided to move in a direction that a lot of teams in sports go to. The strategy has never, ever worked but that didn't stop the Red Sox.

When your team isn't winning now..... sign players that used to be good but are just awful now! Obviously a player way past their prime is going to find their game again at the age of 50. Here are a few players the Sox are looking into.

First they called old friend Pedro Martinez, but he's currently busy touring with his band The Washed Ups.

Bet the Phillies miss him a bunch. No one ever told him his hair was way too greasy.

Then they called Manny. Sure, he just retired for getting busted using steroids or something again and would miss the next 100 games but that is nothing a little money in Bud Selig's pocket can't cure.

Frank Thomas got a good look. He was quite the hitter back in 1946 and the Red Sox sure could use his power hitting these days. Unfortunately Thomas has been hitting the buffet since he retired.

Although if they made him a catcher no one would get by him. Not even pie.

Boston was going to call Curt Schilling but he got a tattoo from the same guy that tattoos Pam Anderson and got hepatitis. So sad.

Shortly after he emerged from the doctor's office with a bloody sleeve and said he'd be ready to pitch next game. Then he didnt shut up about it for ten years.

The Red Sox also put in a call to a Hall of Famer and all time fan favorite but he was busy with his budding movie career.

Too much?

Heard that Reggie Jackson fellow is looking for work too. He's clutch. Heard he played for some team Sox fans hate though.

Oh, well. Guess we're stuck with this current loser team!

Quotes, notes and stars: Pedroia was focused on winning, not streak

Quotes, notes and stars: Pedroia was focused on winning, not streak

BOSTON -- Quotes, notes and stars from the Red Sox’ 8-3 win over the Royals:

QUOTES

“I hadn’t really thought about it. Trying to win games. It’s late in the year . . . I don’t really have time to sit back and pat myself on the back for anything. We’re trying to win as a team.” - Dustin Pedroia on the importance of the 11-for-11 stretch in his career.

“It’s fun. It’s why you go to work in December, January, February. It’s all the work you put in up to this point. It feels good to go out there and get the results you expect to get, especially against a team like [the Royals] who is hot as they are right now.” - David Price on pitching meaningful games with a playoff-like atmosphere.

“Yeah, yeah we [knew about the streak] . . .  It was an awesome roll and it was fun to see . . . Every time I went up to hit, I let Salvador Perez know.” - Xander Bogaerts on Dustin Pedroia’s 11-for-11 streak.

“I think we’ve been able to handle velocity very well. We’ve got good bat-speed in out lineup, and we’re able to handle that.” - John Farrell on the offense thriving against good pitching.

 

NOTES

* David Ortiz played in his 1,000th game at Fenway Park, becoming the fifth player to do so.

* Ortiz also became the first player ever to play 2,000 games as the designated hitter.

* Mookie Betts scored his 100th run of the season off his 29th home run of the year, joining Fred Lynn, Johnny Pesky and Ted Williams as the only players to reach 100 runs before turning 24.

* The Red Sox hit back-to-back home runs for the fourth time this season with Betts and Hanley Ramirez going yard in the fifth.

* With his 2-for-4 day at the plate, Jackie Bradley Jr. improved to 34-for-94 (.362) batting ninth.

 

STARS

1) Dustin Pedroia

Pedroia finished 4-for-5, extending his streak to 11 hits in 11 at-bats, finishing one shy of tying the MLB record.

2) David Price

Price logged his fourth straight quality start with his six-inning, two-run start. He also dropped his ERA below 4.00 for the first time since his Opening Day start with Boston.

3) Salvador Perez

Perez finished 2-for-3 with two home runs. Saturday marked only the second multi-home run game of his career.