Team's losing? Sign some old players!

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Team's losing? Sign some old players!

By Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

The Red Sox lost yet again Tuesday night, falling to 2-9 on the season after losing to the Tampa Bay Rays. Luckily for them no one has noticed because the NHL playoffs are upon us. No? Eh, a guy can dream.

Anyway, after all those expectations, trades and millions of dollars spent on players the Red Sox are still failing hard. They're making the Pittsburgh Pirates look good.

Obviously changes need to be made despite the 151 remaining games. Seriously, look at the Sox record. No team has ever won the 2011 World Series after starting 2-9. Those are just the facts.

So what can be done? More practice? Meh. It is baseball. If you're standing around doing nothing right now you're practicing playing baseball.

Simply wait for the team to get their shi.... ummmm... stuff together? Psh. Patience? In Boston?!!? Poppy cock! You silly goose. Patience, ha.

Nope. The Red Sox decided to move in a direction that a lot of teams in sports go to. The strategy has never, ever worked but that didn't stop the Red Sox.

When your team isn't winning now..... sign players that used to be good but are just awful now! Obviously a player way past their prime is going to find their game again at the age of 50. Here are a few players the Sox are looking into.

First they called old friend Pedro Martinez, but he's currently busy touring with his band The Washed Ups.

Bet the Phillies miss him a bunch. No one ever told him his hair was way too greasy.

Then they called Manny. Sure, he just retired for getting busted using steroids or something again and would miss the next 100 games but that is nothing a little money in Bud Selig's pocket can't cure.

Frank Thomas got a good look. He was quite the hitter back in 1946 and the Red Sox sure could use his power hitting these days. Unfortunately Thomas has been hitting the buffet since he retired.

Although if they made him a catcher no one would get by him. Not even pie.

Boston was going to call Curt Schilling but he got a tattoo from the same guy that tattoos Pam Anderson and got hepatitis. So sad.

Shortly after he emerged from the doctor's office with a bloody sleeve and said he'd be ready to pitch next game. Then he didnt shut up about it for ten years.

The Red Sox also put in a call to a Hall of Famer and all time fan favorite but he was busy with his budding movie career.

Too much?

Heard that Reggie Jackson fellow is looking for work too. He's clutch. Heard he played for some team Sox fans hate though.

Oh, well. Guess we're stuck with this current loser team!

Turner jokes that Celtics will retire his number

Turner jokes that Celtics will retire his number

It’s not the craziest thing someone has said on Twitter, but Evan Turner tweeted Monday that the Celtics should retire his number. 

It was a joke, of course, as the former Celtic was reacting to news that Isaiah Thomas had said he liked the No. 11 and would change his jersey number if so many people in Boston hadn’t already purchased his No. 4 jersey. 

After Turner joked that No. 11 was going to be retired, Thomas joked back that he would wear No. 11 as a tribute to the current Trail Blazer. 

Prior to being traded to Boston, Thomas wore No. 22 for Sacramento and No. 3 for Phoenix. 

Curran: McDaniels staying with Pats shouldn't be a shocker

Curran: McDaniels staying with Pats shouldn't be a shocker

For weeks the speculation regarding Josh McDaniels wasn't a matter of "if" but "when."

But while national media had McDaniels signed, sealed and delivered to multiple landing spots, the proposition that he'd leave at all was never a likelihood. 

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The Rams weren't attractive to him from the outset. Jacksonville didn't excite him, either. And on Monday, he passed on the 49ers opportunity. 

The lure of a blank slate in San Fran at quarterback and GM didn't outpace the uncertainty of going cross-country to work for a seemingly dysfunctional franchise that's cycled rapidly through coaches and has an unrealistic sense that it's a long, long way removed from its glory days, the only remnant remaining from that being perhaps the logo on the helmet. 

With four kids and a job McDaniels considers one of the 10 best on coaching -- head man or no -- he will stay on as the Patriots' offensive coordinator.

"I was really impressed with (Niners owner) Jed York and (team executive) Paraag Marathe . . . and the people that came from the 49ers organization," McDaniels said on a conference call this morning. "They did a great job with their presentation. Humbled to be included in that process. At this time it's just best for my family and myself to remain here in New England and focus on this year's playoffs and finish out the year however it turns out."

The same faulty speculative reasoning that had McDaniels as good as gone from the Patriots will move on undeterred today and surmise that McDaniels is staying with the Patriots because he knows, or has been promised, that he'll receive the head coaching job when Bill Belichick steps aside. 

While the Kraft family certainly thinks highly of McDaniels and that could come to pass, anyone tapping their foot and checking their watch waiting for Belichick to step down is in for a long wait. He's showing no signs of wrapping it up and, while I haven't been told directly McDaniels isn't the automatic successor, he wouldn't be taking interviews at all if he were assured that. 

What will be interesting to see is whether interest remains high in him for other jobs or the perception that he's never going to leave means teams don't bother to ask. San Fran obviously had its heart set on McDaniels. Even though Nick Caserio passed on the chance to interview with the Niners for their open GM job, the team did talk to Louis Riddick about the spot. He and McDaniels have high regard for each other. 

Between McDaniels, Caserio and defensive coordinator Matt Patricia, the people closest to Belichick on the coaching flow chart all had chances to go somewhere else and all passed on the chance. It's another example of not why the Patriots are good but why they remain good. Stability.