Sports reporting poems

412638.jpg

Sports reporting poems

By Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

SI.com's Truth & Rumors section had one worth investigating today:

'Chara's game compromised?'

By what? I wondered. The dehydration? The idea surprised me because the Bruins D-man certainly appeared healthier in last night's tilt versus Montreal.

SI was kind enough to explain:

Zdeno Chara and the Bruins chipped their way back into the first round, but an interesting subplot remains with Big Z, who in recent weeks has taken out two players -- one with a hit and another with a shot. There is a sense around the Bruins that Chara is bothered by more than just a virus. Montreal fans who tweeted his illness was "karma" will have little sympathy, but the feeling is Chara is mentally torn by the injuries he caused to Max Pacioretty and Ryan Callahan.

Rather than puke on myself, I scanned the comment section. And it's a good thing I did.

User 'Canuck eh?' wrote:

Hallmark's working on a card.Sorry I broke your neck,I feel really bad.Sorry I broke your foot,It makes me very sad.But stand in front me,And you may lose an eye.So get the out of the wayOr prepare to die.Love, Zdeno

Brilliant.

There should be poems for all sports occasions. Like these:

"Minnesota 'indeed' interested in McNabb'

Vikings are purple,
McNabb is blue;
Nobody wants him
Not even you.
But, wait! Minny's desperate,
There might be a chance,
Looks like it's time,
For their quarterback dance.

"Pronger's hand broken?"

Chrissy hurt her hand
Suck it up, you big baby
This is the playoffs.

"Pitcher accused of shoplifting"

There once was a pitcher named Leake
Who garnered the right not to speak.
Got busted for stealing
The Reds are appealing
Won't see him at Macy's next week. (Or ever.)

"NFL, players resume talks after three days"

L abor talks have begun again.
O wner Jerry Jones is joining the fray
C arl Eller and Mike Vrabel are also involved.
K ill me.
O nly time will tell when the 2011 NFL season will begin
U nless they can just bang something out real quick.
T his has got to be tough on Albert Breer.