Sports reporting poems


Sports reporting poems

By Mary Paoletti's Truth & Rumors section had one worth investigating today:

'Chara's game compromised?'

By what? I wondered. The dehydration? The idea surprised me because the Bruins D-man certainly appeared healthier in last night's tilt versus Montreal.

SI was kind enough to explain:

Zdeno Chara and the Bruins chipped their way back into the first round, but an interesting subplot remains with Big Z, who in recent weeks has taken out two players -- one with a hit and another with a shot. There is a sense around the Bruins that Chara is bothered by more than just a virus. Montreal fans who tweeted his illness was "karma" will have little sympathy, but the feeling is Chara is mentally torn by the injuries he caused to Max Pacioretty and Ryan Callahan.

Rather than puke on myself, I scanned the comment section. And it's a good thing I did.

User 'Canuck eh?' wrote:

Hallmark's working on a card.Sorry I broke your neck,I feel really bad.Sorry I broke your foot,It makes me very sad.But stand in front me,And you may lose an eye.So get the out of the wayOr prepare to die.Love, Zdeno


There should be poems for all sports occasions. Like these:

"Minnesota 'indeed' interested in McNabb'

Vikings are purple,
McNabb is blue;
Nobody wants him
Not even you.
But, wait! Minny's desperate,
There might be a chance,
Looks like it's time,
For their quarterback dance.

"Pronger's hand broken?"

Chrissy hurt her hand
Suck it up, you big baby
This is the playoffs.

"Pitcher accused of shoplifting"

There once was a pitcher named Leake
Who garnered the right not to speak.
Got busted for stealing
The Reds are appealing
Won't see him at Macy's next week. (Or ever.)

"NFL, players resume talks after three days"

L abor talks have begun again.
O wner Jerry Jones is joining the fray
C arl Eller and Mike Vrabel are also involved.
K ill me.
O nly time will tell when the 2011 NFL season will begin
U nless they can just bang something out real quick.
T his has got to be tough on Albert Breer.

South Carolina holds off UMass, 34-28


South Carolina holds off UMass, 34-28

COLUMBIA, S.C. - Freshman Jake Bentley threw for two touchdowns and 201 yards in his first college game and South Carolina matched its victory total from last year with a 34-28 victory over Massachusetts on Saturday.

South Carolina coach Will Muschamp was expecting to redshirt Bentley this season before the team's mounting offensive problems - they entered dead last in points per game in the Football Bowl Subdivision - left the first-year coach open to any solution.

Bentley proved the right answer against the Minutemen (1-7). He led the Gamecocks (3-4) to touchdowns on their first two series, and then threw a pair of pretty fade passes for TD, the first from 16 yards out to K.C. Crosby and later a 24-yarder to Bryan Edwards to lead 27-7.

When UMass cut things to 34-28 with less than 5 minutes left, Bentley accounted for 30 yards to help the Gamecocks run out the clock.

It was the first time South Carolina had scored more than 20 points in a game this season.

UMass did its share to help with three turnovers in the opening half, two which led to two South Carolina scores.

Tight end Adam Breneman had two TD catches for UMass, which fell to 0-3 against Southeastern Conference teams this fall.


UMASS: The Minutemen have been outscored 131-77 in its four games this season against teams from the Power 5 conferences.

SOUTH CAROLINA: Its future - and offensive recovery - may have started with Bentley behind center. The freshman, who'll turn 19 next month, is sure to have some bumps ahead, maybe as soon as next week's home game against No. 18 Tennessee. But there was little benefit keeping the strong-armed Bentley on the bench if he could spark up the offense this season.


UMASS: The Minutemen return home to play Football Championship Subdivision opponent Wagner. The game ends the UMass home season as it finishes with games at Troy, BYU and Hawaii.

SOUTH CAROLINA: The Gamecocks go back to the Southeastern Conference grinder against No. 18 Tennessee. The Gamecocks have only won two SEC games the past two seasons and will face a difficult challenge against the Vols, who are in the thick of the Eastern Division chase.

© 2016 by STATS & The Associated Press


UConn falls to Central Florida, 24-16


UConn falls to Central Florida, 24-16

EAST HARTFORD, Conn. -McKenzie Milton threw for a season-high 317 yards and three touchdowns to lead Central Florida to a 24-16 win over UConn.

The freshman completed 29 of 45 passes and the Knights (4-3, 2-1 American) moved over the .500 mark by scoring 17 unanswered points and holding the Huskies (3-5, 1-4) scoreless in the second half.

Arkeel Newsome ran 21 times for 101 yards and Noel Thomas had his fifth straight 100-yard receiving game for UConn, catching nine passes for 165 yards.

But Thomas dropped a pass in the end zone on a third down with just over 3 minutes remaining, and quarterback Bryant Shirreffs came up short on a fourth-down scramble.

The Huskies got the ball back near midfield with just over 2 minutes left and drove to the 21, but failed to convert a fourth-down pass.

The Knights took the lead on the first drive of the second half, when Milton hit running back Adrian Killins over the middle for a 39-yard touchdown. It was the third consecutive drive of more than 70 yards for UCF.

A career-long 50-yard field goal by Matthew Wright early in the fourth quarter pushed the lead to eight points.

UConn scored the game's first 13 points, capped by a 3-yard touchdown run from Newsome.

The Huskies final points came on a 35-yard Puyol field goal, one of three he kicked in the first half.

The lead was the first at halftime this season for the Huskies.


UCF: The Knights have apparently found their quarterback in the freshman Milton, who started again over senior Justin Holman. It was Milton's fourth start this season. His 317 yards passing were the most since Holman threw for 336 yards against Temple in 2014.

UConn: The Huskies have two offensive weapons in Newsome and Thomas and need to find a third. Shirreffs was again the team's second leading rusher with 49 yards. Alec Bloom was the team's second-leading receiver. He had two catches for 20 yards.


UCF: The Knights visit No. 11 Houston next Saturday

UConn: The Huskies travel south to face East Carolina.

© 2016 by STATS & The Associated Press