Rapid Reaction: Why Longoria had an assault rifle

Rapid Reaction: Why Longoria had an assault rifle
March 28, 2011, 8:48 pm
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Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

Somebody stole Evan Longoria's AK-47.

The appropriate response to such news is not, "Why?" but, "Why does Eva have an assault rifle?" Because I believe my sole purpose in life is helping people, I decided to think of possible reasons. Unfortunately, I only had one minute left before I'm supposed to leave for work so it's a short list. No point in over-thinking something like this.

Here goes:

WHY DOES THE THIRD BASEMAN FOR THE TAMPA BAY RAYS NEED AN AK-47?

1. Funsies
2. Mowing (down) the lawn
3. Overcompensation...?
4. Ran out of things to spend money on
5. Everybody else has one
6. Matt Garza's facial hair no longer around to protect him