By Carolyn Manno
Comcast SportsNet New England
Dont let the smiles, the pregame high fives, and the hours of charity work fool you.
The Boston Celtics are an elite group of high profile, swindling con artists disguised in bright green warmup suits.
I know this, because one of them told me.
Speaking to a group of reporters after Wednesday night's win over the Pacers, dodging questions about the team's big men who have gone missing, Kevin Garnett compared the Celtics to the movie Oceans 11.
"This is like a good movie and you haven't seen the full cast yet, Kevin Garnett said. "I'm going to use Oceans 11, but you haven't seen Matt Damon. You haven't seen Brad Pitt. You haven't seen Bernie Mac. You've just seen Clooney and a couple of other guys."
When I asked him which character he is in the film, he paused before releasing that devilish Garnett grin.
"I'm Saul", he said.
Saul Bloom. The film's ulcerous old pro, who, in his day was a brilliant con artist. Saul is the guy who popped antacid tablets like mentos and constantly feigned his disinterest -- never letting anyone in on how much the film's fictional casino heist actually meant to him.
Yeah. I can see that.
Garnett is part Saul, and part Lyman Zerga -- Saul's daunting, high-rolling counterpart.
After Garnett drew the similarity between the hustlers in the movie and the Celtics, who make a living hustling on the court, I immediately started playing who is who in my head.
-- I'm giving Danny Ocean to Paul Pierce. The smooth-talking ringleader of a pack that's trying to take down the villainous Terry Benedict (who I think we can all agree is Phil Jackson; he didn't steal Pierce's wife, but he did have a hand in robbing the green last year). Robbing the casinos wasnt about the money for Danny Ocean. It was about getting the woman he loved back. For Paul, its about making sure his legacy as a Celtic is cemented. Danny Ocean happily took the fall and did time in the film for his crime. Pierce is happy to be a lifer in Boston, if it means he is unforgettable here.
-- As for Ocean's right hand man, Rusty Ryan, that would be Ray Allen. Brad Pitt's character in the film is the silky smooth confidante. Never too high, never too low, Rusty is the detail man. In Ray's case, the meticulous-attention-to-detail man. Danny can sell you anything, and Rusty has his back. Paul and Ray have been the undisputed duo of this year's season when it comes to consistency. They've managed to stay together on the court, when everyone else has fallen off at one point or another.
-- Rondo is Yen. We've seen the precise passing and remarkable agility. If the Celtics needed him to contort his body into a very small cylinder, he could probably do that too. He already goes where most point guards can't. If this were a few years ago, Rondo would have undoubtedly been Matt Damons pick-pocketing character, Linus Caldwell. A talented and quickhanded newcomer, Linus has the potential to be as legendary as the rest of the hustlers he looks up to. Rondo is a no brainer . . . except for the fact that in the last few seasons, Rondos shown his ability to lead. He isnt the new guy with something to prove anymore.
-- So Im giving Damon to Jeff Green. Green, just like Rondo, is young, athletic and ready to earn his stripes with the Celtics. The chemistry hes shown with Rondo lately is the fastest way for him to do just that.
-- Glen Davis and Delonte West are Turk and Virgil Malloy, the twin brothers (again, this is imaginary) who excel in transportation. When healthy, Baby and West are the driving forces off the bench for the Celts. The tandems occasional off the court buffoonery is highly entertaining, not unlike their counterparts in the movie, and being apart of the action is what they live for.
-- For me, Shaq is Bernie Mac's character, Frank Catton. An Atlantic City card dealer and Danny Ocean's first recruit in the heist. Frank is a guy looking for action. He's an inside guy who desperately wants a piece of the pie, but is also surprisingly endearing.
Whether you agree with my choices or not, Garnetts analogy is right on the money. As we speak the Celtics are right in the middle of an attempt to pull off one of the greatest heists in recent NBA memory: stealing a championship title and walking away clean with Banner 18 under what have been absurdly unpredictable circumstances.
We've seen lineups this season that Miss Cleo didn't even see coming. Does anyone -- anyone -- even know where Jermaine ONeal is right now?
If this Celtics team, whose identity rivals the craftiest of chameleons, can endure an entire season of playing bruised, sprained and beaten down, with five brand new late-season additions, and STILL make it past the silver steel doors of the final safe that hold the O'Brien Trophy, the Big Three should head straight into Vegas and try to get out with 150 million. They will have accomplished something as improbable as simultaneously robbing the Bellagio, Mirage, and MGM Grand. They will be the ultimate con men.