By Adam Hart
Assisted by Mary Paoletti
The agent for Logan Mankins has denied reports his client attempted to hold NFL labor negotiations over a barrel with a 10 million cash demand.
This can only mean one thing: it's time for more fake NFL plaintiff demands. Better than watching the back-and-forth reporting on twitter.
One of Giovanni Carmazzi's five goats. Preferably alive. - Tom Brady
A non-speaking role in The Dark Knight Rises. - Brian Robison
A 3.357 lbs. bag of Skittles with all the orange and yellow removed. - Von Miller
An all-expense-paid trip to Jurassic Park. The real one. - Peyton Manning
A private concert with the Trololo guy. In 1966. - Drew Brees
The right to sign the largest signature on the document settling the lawsuit, John Hancock style - Vincent Jackson
Three Dogs of War, complete with titanium teeth and infrared spy camera. - SURPRISE! Not Michael Vick. It's Ben Leber.
A glorious sweater-vest bon fire. But it better be glorious. - Mike Vrabel
An Adam Schefter vs. Bert Breer cage match. We all know Breer will win; he's been living on the streets. - Osi Umenyiora
A public apology from NFLPAmythologist Jeffrey Kessler. And Don't Ever Trust Lawyers classes for every football writer in the country. - Logan Mankins