NFL gets crazy with reparations


NFL gets crazy with reparations

By Adam Hart

The NFL, WGS has learned using its imagination, is issuing a slew of reparations for other gaffes in Dallas.

The newest reparations come in response to its steps to quell the anger of 400 fans turned away from their originally-purchased seats at Super Bowl XLV. The NFL expressing compassion? Hurry, the League's doped up or dying or something.

Problem: Christina Aguilera's dirrty National Anthem.

Compensation: One Rene Rancournament, free plus 6.95 shipping and handling.

Problem: Fans shackled to their stadium seats to make the space-age Halftime Show look appealing to the 111 million television viewers.

Compensation: One free Jumbo Pretzel, because snack time was canceled due to the shackling.

Problem: 111 million people witnessing ARod being fed popcorn by Cam Diaz.

Compensation: A bib and sippy cup. For ARod. Because he was all in a tizzy over the ordeal. Being shown on TV is considered "an ordeal" for a multi-millionaire, right?

Problem: A mis-timed -- thanks, Xtina! -- overly-expensive F-18 Flyover.

Compensation: 450,000 refunded to the U.S. government. But not if it's going to that filthy, job-killing health care bill! Or that filthy, job-killing Environmental Protection Agency. Or that filthy, job-killing ditched habit of President Obama's. With these provisions, we'll save so many jobs from being murdered.

Problem: Not one mention of Brett Favre during the entire broadcast.

Compensation: NFL Network airs Slingin' It: The Brett Favre Story every night at 7:30 until a new CBA is reached. Alex Trebek never stood a chance. Smug jerk.

Problem: Dallas' mayor literally deflated after the Super Bowl problems.

Compensation: Oh, sorry. Not literally.

Problem: Patriots weren't in the Super Bowl.

Compensation: No lockout, pending the amount of greed possessed by the owners. . . so, bank on a lockout.

Celtics sign former Laker second-rounder Ryan Kelly

Celtics sign former Laker second-rounder Ryan Kelly

BOSTON – The Boston Celtics made one more roster move on Friday, but not the one many were anticipating.

Instead of trimming the training camp roster down to 15 players, the Celtics expanded it by signing Ryan Kelly.

The 6-foot-11 forward appeared in six games for the Atlanta Hawks during the preseason, averaging 4.8 points, 2.7 rebounds and 1.3 assists per game.

A former second round pick of the Los Angeles Lakers in 2013, Kelly has appeared in 147 games with career averages of 6.5 points, 3.3 rebounds and 1.4 assists per game.

Boston already has a stacked roster at the power forward/center position, which is why they decided to waive second round pick and former Providence College star Ben Bentil earlier on Friday.

The addition of Kelly, on the surface at least, doesn't make a lot of sense.

But the Celtics are trying to build a team for the present while keeping an eye on the future.

When the Celtics waived Bentil, they did so with the knowledge that he was unlikely to sign with their Development League affiliate, the Maine Red Claws.

But with Kelly, the veteran big man will likely wind up with the Red Claws which will allow the Celtics to get a closer look at him without impacting their roster status which is currently at 16, one above the league-maximum.

The final roster spot will come down to James Young and R.J. Hunter. The Celtics have until 5 p.m. Monday to make a decision, a decision that team officials have repeatedly said in recent days will come down to the wire.