By Mary Paoletti
A woman I know recently turned down an interesting job opportunity. But I've always been a fan of the "Show, don't tell" rule in writing, so here's the play-by-play.
TV PRODUCER 1: To woman Thanks for coming in and listening to our proposal. We've enjoyed your work in the sports media industry and think this opportunity is right up your alley.
FEMALE REPORTER: Thanks! I appreciate it. What's the concept?
TV PRODUCER 2: The Bruins really don't get the play they should in this city; we want to change that.
FEMALE REPORTER: Sounds great. You're right that hockey doesn't get the attention it deserves from Boston media.
TV PRODUCER 1: Excellent. So here's what we're thinking: we'll have you go to every game, both at home and on the road. Does that sound feasible?
FEMALE REPORTER: Nods Absolutely. I'm willing to make that commitment to the right project.
TV PRODUCER 1: Smiles Great! So, at some point during the second period of every game we'll have you hop on out to the concourse for a three or so minutes.
FEMALE REPORTER: The concourse? Hrm. That's certainly different.
TV PRODUCER 2: Chuckles Well, that's where the booze is, silly!
FEMALE REPORTER: Looks confused Excuse me?
TV PRODUCER 2: We don't want you to get in Naoko Funayama's way or anything while she's reporting and doing player interviews.
TV PRODUCER 1: Exactly! We're thinking for the first segment that we have you chug a beer. Just one to start, you know?
TV PRODUCER 2: The WHOLE thing, of course.
TV PRODUCER 1: Of course!
FEMALE REPORTER: Slowly shaking head Wait, wait. During the game? Beer? I don't understand....
TV PRODUCER: But that's not all! We're thinking keg stands and body shots during the playoffs!
TV PRODUCER 1 and TV PRODUCER 2 high-five.
FEMALE REPORTER: Covers face with hands There are so many things wrong with this... First of all, I can't drink at work. What the hell are you thinking?! What does this have to do with being a reporter? How will this shine a brighter light on the Bruins?
TV PRODUCER 2: You're reporting on each venue. See, we'll get a feel for each city and talk to some of the local vendors.
TV PRODUCER 1: EVERYBODY wants to know about the vendors.
TV PRODUCER 2: Right. See, we'll really be diving into the culture of hockey. Bruins hockey is all about people. And what do people do at sporting events? They get hammered! This segment will be gritty, it'll be real. Remember -- it's about the people.
TV PRODUCER 1 and TV PRODUCER both tent their hands and look expectantly at FEMALE REPORTER. FEMALE REPORTER: Pauses Are you guys drunk right now?
TV PRODUCER 1 and TV PRODUCER 2 look at each other. They look back at FEMALE REPORTER.
TV PRODUCER 1: I'd call it a "good buzz."
TV PRODUCER 2: Yeah. Good Buzz.
TV PRODUCER 1: Watch this video. This is proof of the brilliance of this concept.
FEMALE REPORTER: Stands Go to hell. Seriously. Walks out
TV PRODUCER 1 AND TV PRODUCER 2 sit for a moment before grabbing 40s from a mini-fridge. They hit replay on the video.
TV PRODUCER 1: Good stuff.
TV PRODUCER 2: Great stuff.
Video ends. TV PRODUCER 1 AND TV PRODUCER 2 are quiet for a moment.
TV PRODUCER 1: We can find somebody else to do the Bruins Booze hits.
TV PRODUCER 2: Swallows beer Yup. We can.