Minnesota collapse: It's all Favre's fault (again)

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Minnesota collapse: It's all Favre's fault (again)

By Jon Fucile
Special contributor to WickedGoodSports.com

Over the weekend, a game between the Minnesota Vikings and New York Giants had to be re-scheduled until Monday and moved to Detroit after the Metrodome roof collapsed.

At first glance, the collapse appears to be caused by excessive snow on the roof of the Metrodome. However, upon closer inspection, it appears the roof collapsed under the weight of Brett Favres massive ego.

Look at that smug face

What many fans dont realize is all the self important, egotistic, self-serving speeches Brett Favre gives before and after every gamepress conference float up and get caught in the Metrodome roof. Quite frankly, it's amazing this did not happen sooner.

Vikings ownership has been aware of this potential issue for quite some time, but they continue to keep letting Favre play and talk. They dont have the guts to tell him to just shudda his face. By now you might be asking yourself; If Vikings ownership was aware of this issue, why didnt they act sooner to prevent this from happening?

Simple: Lack of funds.

Follow us as we take a look at a few of the things that prevent Vikings ownership from maintaining a safe roof.

Fake Fans Cheering Favre On

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf is constantly spending money on actors dressed like Vikings fans to follow Brett Favre around and cheer him on in his everyday activities. Favre has such a fragile ego that he needs the constant cheering to get through his day. Otherwise he might realize how awful he is and suffocate himself in his Wrangler jeans.

Going to the bathroom. Eating dinner. Playing a game of Connect Four with his daughter. All of these actions are accompanied by cheering fans.

And actually, while playing a series of games of Connect Four against his daughter one day Favre sustained a minor finger injury between games while biting his nail. Favre immediately brought up his iron man streak of 356 consecutive Connect Four games and pretended he was more hurt than he actually was.

Zygi Wilf then had to pay for the retirement press conference in Favres kitchen, where Favre tearfully announced his retirement from the board game.

But as the fake Vikings fans cheered, Favre suddenly found the strength and courage to continue and returned to the living room to play the next game. However, with only a few spaces remaining on the board, Favre for some reason dropped his red piece in a sea of black pieces, allowing his daughter to capitalized and grab the victory. However, with all the paid fans cheering his name, Favre spiked a football in his daughters face and celebrated in the living room.

Always Buying Tissues

Brett Favre is a drama queen of the highest order. He makes the Kardashians look amateur by comparison.

But all the crying requires A LOT of tissues and Zygi is constantly buying Kleenex for Favre. When the Vikings kitchen is out of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Favre cries. When his teammates make fun of his Crocs, he cries. When his Blackberry says the digitally enhanced picture of his private area hes trying to send to some college girls he met is too large to send, he cries. When well, you get the point.

All those tissue boxes add up.

Unfortunately, Zygi realized far too late he shouldve just bought stock in Kleenex when he signed Favre.

Buying Depends

Brett Favre is old. Sometimes.accidents happen. Whether he hits a big pot hole in his truck and gets spooked, gets steam rolled by the slowest linebacker on the field when he holds the ball way too long, when he gets home and finds out his wife found out he was sending naughty pictures again or when he throws an interception and has to walk to the sidelines and face his team, sometimes a man of his age just cannot control those bowels.

That is why his uniform looks so thick in the pants. Hes got adult diapers on. You know how whenever Favre is injured and the Vikings release a report saying his plans have changed? They mean his diapers.

Fake Injury Reports and Doctor Visits

At some point of every game Favre has played in the past two years he gets injured and then spends the next week talking to anyone with a camera or microphone about how his games started streak might end and how hurt he is (thankfully, this streak finally came to an end Monday night).

But then he always miraculously recovers and plays as everyone across the country talks about what a super awesome, tough guy he is. You see what is happening here people? Hes playing you like a fiddle.

What about the X-rays and injury reports you ask? All fabricated on Zygi Wolfs dime.

Wolf pays the team doctors to keep their mouths shut about Favre being healthy and buys X-rays of actual injured people from local hospitals while Favre hides out in his basement playing Deer Hunter and laughing at all the reports about how he is doubtful.

These are just a few of the reasons the Vikings cannot afford to either fix the roof of the Metrodome or clear off the snow. It's all Brett Favres fault and the Vikings did it to themselves. But seeing as how Favre starting hawking merch of his streak as soon as it ended, maybe Zygi Wolf can get in on that and make some money back.

First impressions: Red Sox happy to get out of Texas

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First impressions: Red Sox happy to get out of Texas

First impressions of the Red Sox 6-2 loss to Texas

 

Clay Buchholz needs to figure out his first inning struggles.

He put together another decent outing -- but they’ve both been all for not thanks to terrible first innings.

Buchholz had the same issue prior to his sentence to the bullpen. But he needs to make an adjustment. David Price, Steven Wright and Rick Porcello have all had to deal with some level of adversity and handled it in some capacity -- so it’s time for Buchholz to do the same.

If he minimizes the damage to one run -- never mind a scoreless first frame -- Boston has a decent chance to win his starts once in a while.

No matter what, Buchholz needs to put out max effort in the first inning of his next start -- no excuses.

 

Don’t look now, but Buchholz was the best Boston starting pitcher of the Texas series.

That’s not saying much with the way Wright and Price’s nights wound up, but he was the best starter.

Obviously five runs (four earned) in 5.1 innings isn’t a good outing, but the bullpen at least had a chance to catch its breath -- compared to Friday and Saturday’s games.

Buchholz still has to do much better for Boston if he wants to remain the fifth starter.

 

Xander Bogaerts’ defense is slipping a bit.

The shortstop has had errors in consecutive games for the first time in 2016 -- both leading to Texas runs.

The 23-year-old shortstop has only sat out one game this year, so it’s fair to assume fatigue is setting in.

Even if that’s not the case, John Farrell should consider giving Bogaerts a day off soon to move past his fielding problems.

 

Buchholz took away the little momentum Boston found in the fourth.

Although Bogaerts didn’t help with the error, Buchholz almost instantly gave back the run Boston scored in the top of the sixth. Which is something Rick Porcello, Steven Wright and David Price have all dealt with -- and overcome.

Just another reason Dave Dombrowski needs to keep working for a fifth starter.

Because there’s no way coming out of any series Boston should have its best effort from a starting pitcher be a five-inning five-run (one unearned) outing.

Other starters have to pick up the slack when Wright has an occasional subpar outing. While Price has been on late and Porcello is reliable, Boston hasn’t had that from anyone else.

"Everything is on track" with Bruins prospect Zboril

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"Everything is on track" with Bruins prospect Zboril

Little more than a year after he was drafted in the middle of the first round by the Boston Bruins, some are whispering that 19-year-old Jakub Zboril isn’t going to live up to advanced billing. Clearly the Czech defenseman took a step back for the Saint John Sea Dogs after being taken 13th by the Bruins in last year’s draft, and dropped to six goals and 20 points in 50 games in the QMJHL while watching second round pick Jeremy Lauzon pass him by on the prospect hype chart.

Perhaps the more concerning thing have been the whispers about an erratic work ethic and bad habits in Zboril’s game, a couple of criticisms that haven’t exactly gone away since the Bruins signed him to a contract last summer following development camp. Bruins assistant general manager Scott Bradley was asked about those concerns with the young D-man as he heads into an important training camp with Boston this fall, and didn’t seem all that concerned about his first round pick being a “bust.”

“I think his offensive production was down, and that he struggled a little bit coming out of the gate” said Bradley of Zboril, who had 13 goals and 33 points in 44 games during his first season in the Quebec Major Junior League prior to getting drafted by Boston. “But he had a strong playoff. Everybody forgets that he’s a gritty guy, and a strong player that moves the puck. The thing that stands out about him are that his numbers are down from last year.

“But everything is on track with him. He’s going to come to camp and hopefully shines, and has a good year this year…patience.

“I think it’s great if the second rounders are on par with him: the [Brandon] Carlos and the [Jeremy] Lauzons. If you look at the whole of our draft last year you can’t rule out the first eight picks that they might play [in the NHL]. We’re excited. Donnie and I were at the Memorial Cup, and Lauzon raised our eyebrows every night that he played. You’d come away with a good feeling like this kid plays hard, plays the Bruins style, moves the puck and is tough. Obviously [you had to like] what Carlo did when he was brought in [to Providence] at the end. It just bodes well for what we have coming this year. Zboril and Lauzon are probably going back to junior, but Carlo is going to get a long look.”

The young Czech D-man is still at a point where his stock can still shoot higher than it’s ever been with a good showing at training camp, and a strong season for the Sea Dogs entering into his professional hockey career. But he can’t afford to go through another down season, or that talk of him being a first round bust is only going to get louder and stronger.

Sunday's Red Sox-Rangers lineups: Boston needs the good Buchholz to show up

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Sunday's Red Sox-Rangers lineups: Boston needs the good Buchholz to show up

Clay Buchholz hopes ot lead off the afternoon game better than his last start, where he game up a home run and double to leadoff the game against Chicago.

The righty has a career 4.10 ERA against Texas in 41.2 innings pitched against Texas with a 1-5 record.

Unfortunately for Boston, Buchholz is even worse at Globe Life Park. The righty is 0-3 with a 5.82 ERA in 21.2 at the Rangers home field.

The lineups:

RED SOX
Mookie Betts RF
Dustin Pedroia 2B
Xander Bogaerts SS
Hanley Ramirez 1B
Jackie Bradley Jr. CF
Bryce Brentz DH
Travis Shaw 3B
Sandy Leon C
Ryan LaMarre LF
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Clay Buchholz RHP

RANGERS
Shin-Soo Choo RF
Ian Desmond CF
Nomar Mazara LF
Adrian Beltre 3B
Prince Fielder DH
Roughned Odor 2B
Elvis Andrus SS
Mitch Moreland 1B
Bryan Holaday C
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Martin Perez LHP