Little Fenway: Uncovered

Little Fenway: Uncovered
March 7, 2011, 3:19 pm
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By Justin Aucoin
WickedGoodSports.com

The Red Sox recently announced they'll be building a new spring training facility in Lee Country for 2012. The new stadiumtraining complex will have a replica Green Monster and the same dimensions as Fenway Park.

Makes sense. If you're going to spend half your season in an oddly shaped park, you might as well practice in one.

The yet to be named -- but already nicknamed "Little Fenway" or "Fenway South" -- park will house 11,000 fans, which is up from the current 7,500 seats. Many Sox fans are dying to learn more about this new ballpark.

Luckily, we can help.

We've been bugging the Red Sox front offices for over a year now and even sent CSN reporter Mike Giardi a highly trained secret agent to learn more about the Sox's new spring time home.

Fenway Shakedown: Like in Boston, the Lee County Fenway will provide overpriced and undervlued food to patrons, such as 6 bottled water and 5 Fenway Franks (condiments are extra).

Listen, this place isn't going to pay for itself.

Similarly, spring training game tickets will reflect post-season prices. The Sox's thinking: Fewer games means more novelty, which means greater demand; therefore, we have higher prices.

Reviving Rivalries: Because, clearly, there aren't enough games between the Red Sox and Yankees during the regular season, the Sox will commemorate Little Fenway by playing twice as many spring training games against the Yanks. Love it or hate it, this brings the season total to about eight billion.

Unofficial Sponsors Banned: Sorry. No CITGO sign.

Where Are They Now? The Red Sox are all about honoring their long and glorious history, which is why they've created a "Where are they now?" feature in their mini-Red Sox Hall of Fame. Rumors have it that it'll be dedicated to Mnny Ramirez and Johnny Damon next spring. Title: "Ha-ha! Suckers!"

State of the Art Architecture: Sure, Little Fenway will have the same old moldy feel of Big Fenway Park, but it'll have state of the art architecture. The design was led by renowned building expert, Derek Zoolander.

Migrating Locals: To give Little Fenway that Big Fenway feel, Sox officials are going to be gathering Fenway Park mice to migrate to Florida. That way, fans will feel right at home from the get-go.

The Comfort of Familiar Discomfort: The Sox will allow season ticket holders to get their neck muscles in top shape for the regular season by building obstructed view seating. Just like home.