By Jon Fucile
Do you remember that episode of South Park where Johnny Cochran used the Chewbaca Defense in court?
The thought of that actually happening in real life is so ridiculous that it makes the scene that much funnier. No one would ever say something that ridiculous in real life. Well, almost no one.
Soon to be registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor had an interview with Fox discussing his recently settled trial where he was busted for soliciting an underage prostitute and received six years probation. Hes probably singing this song right now.
Like most professional athletes he deflected the blame away from himself and instead said the problem is prostitution itself.
"I'm not the cause of prostitution. And sometimes I make mistakes and I may go out there, but I didn't pick her up at no playground. Taylor told Fox.
"It's the world of prostitution," he said to Fox. "You never know what you're gonna get. Is it gonna be a pretty girl, an ugly girl or whatever it's gonna be."
Yup, you saw it. Digging up old and worn out Forrest Gump jokes for this guy.
Taylor claims the girl told him she was 19. Oh really? Well, free pass then buddy! High five!
"You can only ask," Taylor told Fox. "I don't card them. I don't ask for birth certificate."
Maybe you should. You couldnt tell by looking at her that she may be a bit young Lawrence? She was reportedly just sixteen at the time. Sixteen year old girls, in general, tend to look really young.
Mr. Taylor probably shouldve known trouble was afoot when he called to set up a meeting with the prostitute and the person on the other end said Well send her over as soon as she finishes her third period French test!
As least Lawrence put a little romance into the conversation when he talked to Fox.
"I'm not looking for a relationship. Hey, sometimes I look for some company. It's all clean. I don't have to worry about your feelings. It's all clean. I'm not saying it's right. It's the oldest profession in the world."
Oh. Well, when you put it that way it just sounds normal. Apparently order a prostitute is just as easy as ordering a pizza when it comes to Lawrence Taylor.
Taylor seemed more upset that the got caught rather than the fact that he ordered a prostitute, one that was underage. He played the woe is me card and said things like this just happen and that now he has to answer to his wife. Here is an easy solution for you in the future Lawrence.just dont solicit prostitutes! When you get that urge, go play Xbox or something.
If youre a professional athlete and youre hooking up with prostitutes youre extra dumb. Youre famous. You have tons of money. You think no one is going to ever find out? Come on.
I guess Lawrences gig as a high school bus driver is off now?