Goal: Paoletti (1, 1)
Assisted by: Hart (1, 1), Shakespeare (0. 1)
ACT I, SCENE II. A public place. Like a Denny's.
Flourish. Enter CAESAR; BRUTUS, CASSIUS, and CASCA; a great crowd following, among them a Soothsayer: ZOLTAN MESKANOV.
Whaaaaat? I'm in the middle of a Grand Slam over here.
Beware the ides of March.
A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March.
That wasn't a "Huh" like, "What did he say?" It was a "Huh" like, "What the hell is he talking about?" Is "ides" a type of cholesterol? . . . Get that crazy punter out here.
It means March 15th. Beware March 15th -- today. And, I'm not the Patriots punter, our names are just really similar.
Whatever you say, weirdo. I'm outta here; I gotta lock everybody's brackets in the safe.
Exeunt all except BRUTUS and CASSIUS
Hey. So, what's up with you this week?
Just having a hard time with the March Madness this year. Florida a No. 2 seed? Are you kidding me? Pat Forde putting Kansas State in the Final Four threw me off, too. I'm conflicted.
And it doesn't help that Caesar thinks he's Jay Bilas and gets all cocky about his picks. His rules are ridiculous; does he really have to lock our brackets in a safe? I'm not going to back out of the pool. He's just a jerk.
You're totally going to beat Caesar.
I can't beat that guy. Caesar rules, man.
Naw. You're gonna kill him. Seriously.
ACT 3, SCENE I. CASCA's crib.
A crowd of people; among them, the Soothsayer, ZOLTAN MESKANOV. Flourish. Enter CAESAR, BRUTUS, CASSIUS, and a bunch of other guys. There's beer everywhere. Ev-ery-where.
To Meskonov It's March 15th and I'm fine, sucka!
Whatever, dude. Still some daylight left.
Hey, Caesar, I'm on my knees here. Can you please let my bro, Publius Cimber, back in our group? That was a dick move to kick him out of the pool.
No way. Listen. The rules of our March Madness pool have been the same for 10 freaking years. I have never -- not once -- bent those rules for anybody. I'm like the North Star of bracket challenge commissioners. I'm consistent like Gary Bettman. I'm fair like Tim Higgins.
As the great MC Hammer once said: "You can't touch this." Cimber shouldn't have tried to white-out that Princeton upset over Kentucky. That's cheating. Your brother stays OUT.
Caesar, you dick. Come on.
I SAID NO.
For real, dude?
DID I STUTTER?
Enough of this.
CASCA first, then the other Conspirators and BRUTUS kick CAESAR in the testicles.
Et tu, Brute! Aw, God, what the HELL!
ONIONS! Ahahaha! That was NOICE! The March Madness tyranny is OV-AH. Tell eeee'rybody!
He had it coming. Looks down at Caesar, who is clutching his groin The bracket challenge is supposed to be about fun. And money. Not you being a bigger jerk each year.
ZOLTAN MESKANOV To Caesar
What'd I say?! What. Did. I. Say?! But did you take me seriously? Nooooooo.