The Hard Times of RJ Umberger


The Hard Times of RJ Umberger

By Jon Fucile

There is a show on MTV called Hard Times of RJ Berger. It is a show about a nerdy little kid with a huge ummm personality.

When we first saw the show we were really happy hockey was getting more exposure. Then we realized it said R.J. Berger, not R.J. Umberger. Lame.

We would love a show that highlights how awful it is to be RJ Umberger and play for the Blue Jackets.

We still wonder what a show about Columbus Blue Jackets forward Mr. Umberger would be like..

The episode starts with a late March game at Nationwide Arena.

The Blue Jackets lose.again. Umberger and Rick Nash leave to grab a few post game drinks

Umberger stumbles upon some ladies and a seemingly interested man. Umberger takes em however he can get em

He puts the moves onand then tries to brag about playing for the Blue Jackets

He goes back to Nashs roomand Nash is there with the ladies that just left him. Nash springs up and yells Im Rick Nash Bch! and punches Umberger.

Umberger goes back down to the bar to sulk..

At the bar he runs into a midget he had previously had an altercation with. Umberger is looking for revenge and decides to try his hand at midget tossing.

The show cuts to commercial as Umberger runs for his life away from the agitated midget

As we come back from commercial it is mid April. A depressed Umberger and Rick Nash are in uniformthough not for hockey. April marks the beginning of golf season in Columbus

The show just highlights Umberger and Nash golfing for the next two months because there is nothing else to do in Columbus. So very sad.We then switch to Umberger at home watching TV and getting angry. It is early June and he is once again watching the playoffs instead of playing in them. As he once again watches a team he is not on claim a Cup he raises his fists towards the sky in anger.

Umberger dejectedly turns off the television and heads to bed. He stares at the ceiling for awhile wondering why the hell anyone would want to play in Columbus and continually set new records for futility.

He eventually falls asleep and dreams Umberger dreams.the only thing that brings him happiness

As the episode ends we talk aloud about how awesome zombies are and make fun of Columbus.

Patriots-Rams inactives: Slater, Coleman, Richards out


Patriots-Rams inactives: Slater, Coleman, Richards out

FOXBORO -- The inactive lists for today's Patriots-Rams game:

S Jordan Richards
WR Matthew Slater
DL Woodrow Hamilton
RB D.J. Foster
T LaAdrian Waddle
DL Darius Kilgo
CB Justin Coleman


WR Tavon Austin
DE Robert Quinn
QB Sean Mannion
TE Temarrick Hemingway
OL Rodger Saffold
DB Steve Williams
OL Pace Murphy

Sunday Dec. 4: Zacha adjusting to life in the NHL

Sunday Dec. 4: Zacha adjusting to life in the NHL

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading while marveling at the Bruins setting a franchise record this season for fewest practices in a regular season. Thanks compacted schedule due to the World Cup!

*Pavel Zacha is adjusting to life as a rookie in the NHL with the New Jersey Devils, and things are getting better as they go along.

*Manitoba Moose players relive their favorite Star Wars moments prior to the team holding their Star Wars Night.

*FOH (Friend of Haggs) Elliotte Friedman sits down with new Florida Panthers head coach Tom Rowe to discuss the massive changes in that organization with the firing of Gerard Gallant.

*Good for Anders Nilson putting a rainbow decal on the back of his goalie to mask to support some gay friends that have faced public resistance in their lives.

*Bruce Garrioch has his weekly NHL notes with several players, including Flyers defenseman Andrew MacDonald, potentially on the trade block if anybody wants them.

*PHT writer Cam Tucker has Colorado Avalanche defenseman Erik Johnson suffering a broken leg that will keep him out 6-8 weeks.

*There was no blood for the Vancouver Canucks fans, but there was still plenty of drama in a win over the Maple Leafs.

*For something completely different: The World Baseball Classic works for everybody except for Major League Baseball, and that would appear to be a problem.