The Hard Times of RJ Umberger


The Hard Times of RJ Umberger

By Jon Fucile

There is a show on MTV called Hard Times of RJ Berger. It is a show about a nerdy little kid with a huge ummm personality.

When we first saw the show we were really happy hockey was getting more exposure. Then we realized it said R.J. Berger, not R.J. Umberger. Lame.

We would love a show that highlights how awful it is to be RJ Umberger and play for the Blue Jackets.

We still wonder what a show about Columbus Blue Jackets forward Mr. Umberger would be like..

The episode starts with a late March game at Nationwide Arena.

The Blue Jackets lose.again. Umberger and Rick Nash leave to grab a few post game drinks

Umberger stumbles upon some ladies and a seemingly interested man. Umberger takes em however he can get em

He puts the moves onand then tries to brag about playing for the Blue Jackets

He goes back to Nashs roomand Nash is there with the ladies that just left him. Nash springs up and yells Im Rick Nash Bch! and punches Umberger.

Umberger goes back down to the bar to sulk..

At the bar he runs into a midget he had previously had an altercation with. Umberger is looking for revenge and decides to try his hand at midget tossing.

The show cuts to commercial as Umberger runs for his life away from the agitated midget

As we come back from commercial it is mid April. A depressed Umberger and Rick Nash are in uniformthough not for hockey. April marks the beginning of golf season in Columbus

The show just highlights Umberger and Nash golfing for the next two months because there is nothing else to do in Columbus. So very sad.We then switch to Umberger at home watching TV and getting angry. It is early June and he is once again watching the playoffs instead of playing in them. As he once again watches a team he is not on claim a Cup he raises his fists towards the sky in anger.

Umberger dejectedly turns off the television and heads to bed. He stares at the ceiling for awhile wondering why the hell anyone would want to play in Columbus and continually set new records for futility.

He eventually falls asleep and dreams Umberger dreams.the only thing that brings him happiness

As the episode ends we talk aloud about how awesome zombies are and make fun of Columbus.