The G20 NCAA pool

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The G20 NCAA pool

By Adam Hart
CSNNE.com

Look at the President's bracket. Go ahead, I dare you. The left side is a sea of correct picks.

How does he have the time to watch enough basketball to make a bracket superior to mine?

It is not "how," but "why."

LOCATION: White House Situation Room, March 16th. President Barack Obama sits in a luxurious chair, behind which rests a giant poster board covered by a sheet. In walks Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner.

Obama: You know why you're here, right?

Geithner: To learn about your plan for reducing the deficit.

Obama: No, I mean as Treasury Secretary. Why you have the job? . . . Because you remind me of that guy from Ghostbusters II -- the "If I want to bring the baby" guy. He's hilarious . . . I wish you were funny like him.

Geithner: Oh.

Obama: But, yes, you're in the Situation Room to learn of my plan. Aside. Reggie, the sheet.

Presidential aide Reggie Love, a former Duke basketball player, removes the sheet covering the poster board.

Geithner: A March Madness pool? That's your plan?!
Obama: Not just any March Madness pool; it's the richest pool in the history of the world. It's a G20 pool.

Geithner: Wait. I can't even get the G20 to listen to my speeches. How'd you get all 20 member nations to join the pool?

Obama: Not all 20, dummy. Japan is a little busy trying to repair itself.

Love: Scoldingly. Be considerate, Tim.

Geithner: . . . Sorry.

Obama: Staring at Geithner with disappointed eyes for exactly 17 seconds. We don't want Japan to feel bad, so we're still calling it a G20 pool. But 19 is good enough. At 52.6 billion apiece, first place takes home one trillion dollars.

Geithner: No. NO! We are not doing this; no way, no how. I can't justify gambling 52.6 billion on a basketball tournament.

Obama: Too late. Everyone's already put their money in the pot.

Love: Does the 'make it rain' hand gesture.

Geithner: But!

Love: Snorts. The President's not done.

Obama: Thanks, Reggie. To Geithner. It comes down to this, Tim. I still need to get payback on Lula for that Confed Cup stunt he pulled a few years back. I know he's not in charge anymore, but I've been itching to get Brazil. Oh, they'll pay. They'll pay real bad.

Geithner: Is this about shrinking the deficit or revenge?

Obama: Reve . . . the deficit. Yeah, shrinking the deficit. Nasty deficit, always ruining our fun. Whispers to Love. I want a plane flying a sign over Lula's house after Thursday's game. Morehead St. beating Louisville?! Pssh. Brazil's bracket looks like a 2nd grader filled it out. I bet they think you kick the ball into the basket or something. To Geithner. Don't worry, Tim. You'll get your money. I've been studying these teams all season long.

Love: Let's just hope Kansas wins it all.

Geithner: Gulp. Hope?! I thought you left hope on the campaign trail. We can't "hope" when it comes to 52.6 billion.

Obama: Fine. D'you want to me to enter a second bracket?

Geithner: Faints.

Countdown to camp: Austin Czarnik

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Countdown to camp: Austin Czarnik

From now until the beginning of training camp, Bruins Insider Joe Haggerty is profiling players who will be on, or have a chance to be on, the 2016-17 Bruins. Today: Austin Czarnik.

View the gallery here

Quotes, notes and stars: Porcello 'the model of consistency'

Quotes, notes and stars: Porcello 'the model of consistency'

BOSTON - Quotes, notes and stars from the Red Sox' 9-4 win over the Tampa Bay Rays

 

QUOTES:

"Rick has been the model of consistency.'' - John Farrell on starter Rick Porcello

"It means that we have a heck of a team, really. The runs we put up, and I don't think anybody talks about our defense.'' - Porcello, asked about the significance of being baseball's first 18-game winner.

"It's cool to be a part of that, but we're in a race right now and that's way more important.'' - Mookie Betts on the crowd chants of "MVP!" during his at-bat.

 

NOTES

* Hanley Ramirez has nine extra-base hit in the last 15 games.

* Opposing baserunners have stolen only 54 percent of the time when Sandy Leon is behind the plate, the lowest figure for any Red Sox catcher (minimum 20 games) since 1987

* Brock Holt tied a season high with three hits, including two with two outs and runners in scoring position.

* Mookie Betts set a career high with 72 extra-base hits.

* Betts became the third player in franchise history to have a 30-homer season before the age of 24. Ted Williams and Tony Conigliaro are the others.

* Betts has five homers and 13 RBI in his last five home games.

* Rick Porcello is just the fifth major league pitcher since 1913 to begin a season 13-0 at home

* Porcello is the third Red Sox pitcher to win 18 of his first 21 decisions after Cy Young (1902) and Daisuke Matsuzaka (2008)

* David Ortiz leads the majors in doubles, slugging percentage and OPS.

 

STARS:

1) Rick Porcello

The righthander became the first 18-game winner in the big leagues and he did it by supplying seven innings for the sixth straight start while improving to 13-0 at home.

2) Mookie Betts

Betts gave the Red Sox an early lead with his 30th homer of the year, becoming the third player in franchise history to reach that milestone before the age of 24.

3) Travis Shaw

Shaw broke out of a month-long slump with a three-hit game, including a double, to go along with two RBI.