By Jon Fucile
The Rays are in first and the Lightning are in the playoffs so Tampa Bay fans are everywhere these days. They are an interesting bunch, with their wrinkly skin and I just wet myself aroma. Intoxicating?
A day in the life of this odd bunch starts at 6 in the morning after roughly 16 hours of sleep. The creaking and snapping you hear isnt their old beds or the stiff wood floors but rather their bones. Awesome.
They turn on the TV and watching ESPN for a little bit to check the scores (or just look at the pretty colors). Then they read the paper.
This is a very typical strategy. Generally any Tampa Bay fan doesnt care about sports until their teams are in the playoffs anyway and even then theyll only watch if there is not a Matlock marathon on.
After reading the paper and a short nap, they like to call and complain about things that make them mad.
The nurse at the home tried to explain he was yelling into a cup and not a phone but it fell on deaf ears. Literally.
All the excitement of reading the paper and yelling nonsense leaves them little time to get up and go to the bathroom and there are lots of accidents.
By mid afternoon, all the Tampa fans are dragging a little bit and they need a little pick me up.
Around three all the Tampa Bay fans gather to eat dinner, talk about their new heart medications, trim each others ear hair, show off their new and disgusting growths and talk about that Stamkos kid the radio mentioned, whoever that is.
By 5 p.m. all the Tampa Bay fans are in bed dreaming old people dreams, which explains why the Lightning and Rays never have any fans in the seats.
Tampa Bay can try to claim they are a city of champions with their one Super Bowl, one Stanley Cup and Hulk Hogans six WWF championships but much like Hogans profession, their sports love is fake. If you want a real city of champions Tampa, come visit Boston. Were sure you can get a sweet discount on flights with your AARP cards you jokes.